2017 was a surprisingly exceptional year for movies. Seriously. While trying to formulate my list, I found more great movies on the list than terrible ones. In fact, I even sought out terrible movies (ones I knew I could stomach like The Book of Henry - not like The Emoji Movie) and even they weren't that terrible. 2017 saw both an upswing on original movies (as 8 of the 10 best movies of the year are wholly original and not based on any previous source material) as well as higher quality movies that weren't original. Sequels got better. Big-budget popcorn movies got better. Movies, in general, this year were just significantly better. This means, of course, that 2018 is going to be a complete shit show, but let's just take a second to enjoy the great movies of 2017. There were, obviously, some bad movies. But even the bad ones weren't THAT bad. Again, I avoided a lot of movies that I knew were going to be Hell to suffer through (films like Rings, Fifty Shades Darker, Before I Fall, Power Rangers, Ghost in the Shell, Boss Baby, King Arthur, Valerian, The Nut Job 2, American Assassin, Flatliners, A Bad Moms Christmas, Pitch Perfect 3, and The Greatest Showman...) so if you hated one of these films, just know they didn't make the WORST list because I didn't have a desire to subject my eyes to them. And unfortunately, due to one of our contributing writers giving Justice League a somewhat favorable review, I am unable to include that film on the list as well. Okay. That's done. You didn't read this part anyway. So, without further adieu... here are the best and worst films of 2017.
The TOP 10 BEST FILMS of 2017:
10. The Big Sick
The Big Sick brought back the rom-com genre from near extinction. People suddenly realized that all rom-coms had the exact same formula and they stopped spending money on them. This was both a good and a bad thing. Good because it essentially got McConaughey back to real acting and it saw the complete and utter disappearance of Kate Hudson, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Renee Zellweger. However, Kumail Nanjiani and his wife bring forth the true story of how they met and fell in love. It is a beautifully original film that has equal amounts of laughs and heart. Supporting actors Ray Romano and especially Holly Hunter (who could get a surprise Best Supporting Actress nom for her role) bring the movie full circle and make it not just one of the best movies of 2017, but one of the best rom-coms in recent memory.
Review HERE.
9. The Shape of Water
Whether or not you feel like the characters were fleshed out enough (I do), there's no denying that Guillermo Del Toro's latest film doesn't hypnotize you with it's beautiful imagery. When you watch this film, it's almost like you're watching it under water yourself. Sally Hawkins is astonishing as the mute protagonist and the way she can make an audience empathize with her without speaking a single word is just damn impressive. And at the end of the day, how can you make a movie about a woman who falls in love with a fish poignant? The only answer I have for that is - somehow The Shape of Water and Del Toro's brilliant directing found a way.
Review HERE.
8. Baby Driver
Review HERE.
7. Lady Bird
Just as The Big Sick was the resurgence of the rom-com, Lady Bird is the resurgence of the coming-of-age movie. It's a genuinely funny, sweet, and honest look at a flawed teenager's perspective of life. It really reminded me a lot of last year's The Edge of Seventeen. Lady Bird is the tale of a young teenage girl going through young teenage girl struggles all the while trying to find herself. She puts more stock into her intelligence than is actually there (she's not good at math, but thinks she could be), she's attracted to douchebags and dates douchebags... because they're douchebags. She molds her personality to fit in with others hoping this is the one that sticks and this is the person she's destined to be. Laurie Metcalf as Lady Bird's hard nosed mother is sensational. Look for her to get a definite Oscar nod.
Review HERE.
6. I, Tonya
This was kind of a surprising one. I did not expect a biopic about Tonya Harding's life to make it to the top ten list of the year. Yet, everything in the film seemed to come together to make something miraculous. First off, the film's tone recognizes just how ridiculous the stories of Harding's life genuinely are. It takes the whole truth-is-stranger-than-fiction idea, runs with it, and emphasizes the ridiculousness of Harding's life and runs with that. Second, it also realizes that there's a sad undercurrent behind all the crazy and without that, her life might not have been so ridiculous. It's full of lies and brutal honesty. It takes both sides of the coin and humanizes Tonya, empathizes with her, but still asks questions about how much she was involved with the Nancy Kerrigan "incident" as well as if this involvement really should've garnered a lifetime ban? Either way, it's a terribly entertaining film and Margot Robbie is AMAZING. Even if you don't care about Harding's life or story, you should still see this movie for Robbie's performance alone.
Review HERE.
5. It
Stephen King movies have been done wrong so many times, it's nice to see someone get one right for a change. We all remember the original IT movie from back in 1990. It doesn't actually hold up today and even though Tim Curry's performance as Pennywise is iconic... it's no longer scary, but silly. So, we get an updated version from a fearless writer and director. They don't try to water it down, but make a genuinely scary and disturbing R RATED horror movie with kids. This is like Stand By Me but with a killer clown. And everything about it is perfect, especially some random Skarsgard we've barely seen before who gives us a truly terrifying turn as Pennywise the clown. If Tim Curry's performance is akin to Nicholson's Joker, then Skarsgard is Ledger's Joker. The opening scene alone is worth the price of admission. There hasn't been a horror movie or Stephen King adaptation in recent memory that his lived up to the quality of this film. I am very excited for part two.
Review HERE.
4. Coco
Oof, people! If you haven't seen Coco yet, get out there and see it. Pixar has always been the gold standard of animated movies and the last few they've done (not counting any Cars films) have been pretty great. I mean, Inside Out was a damn near perfect movie. I'm telling you this right now-- Coco is even better. Coco is one of the most gorgeously animated films ever and the story is something that will tug on all of our heartstrings in more than one way. Bring BOXES of tissues because this movie will make you lose your shit. I cried even harder the second time I saw it and I knew what was coming. Everything about this movie is beautiful from the animation to the writing to the characters. It's one of Pixar's finest achievements and absolutely deserving of being called one the top best movies of 2017. (Bonus: if you see it now, you don't have to watch the awful 43 hour long Frozen short the rest of us were subjected to!)
Review HERE.
3. Dunkirk
Man, when I saw Dunkirk for the first time I thought that was it. I thought I'd seen the best movie of the year, hands down. No other movie would get me the way Dunkirk did. However, being that it's number 3 on the list, it fell just two spots short. That doesn't mean that the movie isn't anything short of incredible. I loved the angle Christopher Nolan took with the movie. There's very limited dialogue, so it's basically like a silent film. The movie focuses solely on the tension of the moments. The film rises and rises and rises and rises with tension. And then you get a minute of relaxation. Then it rises and rises and rises with tension once more. It's one of the most tense I've ever been in a movie and I was still able to sit back and enjoy the gorgeous cinematography. Even though it didn't make number one on the list of best movies of 2017, I can tell you this without hyperbole - it's the best IMAX movie I've ever watched in my life.
Review HERE.
2. Get Out
Get Out is one of the single most brilliant movies I've ever watched. One thing I love about my favorite directors (Edgar Wright, Martin McDonagh, etc.) is they pack so much into their movies that with each viewing of each movie I pick up something new I hadn't noticed before. Who knew Get Out was going to be like that? I've watched it four times now and I'm still amazed at just how SMART this movie is. Everything is deliberate. Every line, every mannerism, every costume choice, everything is deliberate and it's brilliant. It's time appropriate and this horror movie gives a better social commentary that any other genre has been able to for a long, long time. Jordan Peele quietly snuck his way into theaters and gave us one of the most unexpectedly great and poignant movies of 2017. Keep in mind, this movie came out way back in February which is usually Hollywood's dumping ground for movies they know are shit, but have to release anyway. Look for Get Out to be the first horror movie since The Sixth Sense to get a Best Picture nomination, and the first one since Silence of the Lambs to actually have a chance of winning. Highly, highly recommend this film to all of you.
Review HERE.
1. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missiouri
Shocking, I know! It probably doesn't come as much of a surprise to most of my readers that I would find Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missiouri to be the best movie of the year with how much I've been advocating for it the last month or so. But, this decision isn't one I took lightly (the Best and Worst movies of the year lists are my absolute favorite to write and one of the reasons I still have this blog). I saw this movie three times in theaters (one for each billboard! - okay, I'll stop). Each time I caught something new and got something different out of it. Director Martin McDonagh (who also helmed one of my favorite movies, In Bruges) has created his greatest work with this one. This movie is going to punch you in the face, kick you in the crotch, and stab you in the throat with all the emotions you're going to go through. This movie is so painful and the characters are all hurting so badly that you feel it inside yourself - yet, you're guffawing with laughter the entire time. Everyone in this movie deserves all the awards, but especially Sam Rockwell and Frances McDormand. I'm torn now that I've seen I, Tonya because I thought Best Actress was McDormand all the way - and it still should be. However, if Margot Robbie takes it from her, it won't feel like anything was stolen. They both give awe-inspiring performances and McDormand OWNS this film. Without her, it would still be a good movie, but with her... it's the best it could ever be.
Review HERE.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Blade Runner 2049, The Disaster Artist, John Wick: Chapter 2, Kong: Skull Island, Logan, Logan Lucky, Thor: Ragnarok, Wonder Woman
The TOP 10 WORST FILMS of 2017:
10. Underworld: Blood Wars
Hahahahahahahahahaha. I can't even with this movie. Seriously. While looking through my reviews and lists of movies that came out this year to find ten worst ones, I came across Underworld: Blood Wars. I remember seeing it. I remember thinking it was terrible. But I couldn't remember anything else. I had to re-read my own review to remind myself of what this movie was even about. I'm not kidding. These movies all run together to form some incoherent blob of vampires and leather. Even when I was looking for a picture to post above this, I don't even know if the picture above is even from this particular Underworld movie. Look, I dig Kate Beckinsale. I love the fact that a female-driven horror/action series has gone five movies deep. And I even think the first film in the franchise isn't terrible - but damn, man. It's gotten seriously hard to watch, especially when it hasn't even been a year since I've seen this monstrosity and I can't even remember any of what I watched.
Review HERE.
9. Snatched
Did we get tired of Amy Schumer already? Like, I'm genuinely asking! Because as a culture, we tend to make people humongous stars and then tire of them after only a short while. But, I don't feel like Schumer has been around THAT long, not long enough for us to get tired of her. She'd made a total of ONE movie, Trainwreck, and it was pretty good. She had a sketch comedy show that's pretty funny and a couple of stand up specials. So, why does it feel like we've been saturated by her Lena Dunham-style? Either way, it doesn't help that Snatched is a really bad movie. I like Schumer's brand of comedy and I thought the script would have to be decent enough to bring Goldie Hawn out of retirement, but I'm at a loss for both. Not only is the movie exceedingly unfunny, but damn, Goldie picked the wrong horse to ride out for a comeback.
8. Bright
I can't believe any of you are actually vouching for this movie. Are you wearing Will Smith beer goggles that change your perspective on something that smells as rotten as it looks just because Will Smith is attached? He's not perfect, guys. You don't have to give him the benefit of the doubt every time (need I remind everyone of After Earth). Smith with an Orc partner that's supposed to symbolize racism issues people of color are facing. The deus ex machina is so silly and contrived, I don't know how no one thought to make this a comedy. It's supposed to be edgy and dark and super gritty, yet you can't help but laugh every time someone with a super serious face mentions "the magic wand". Like, did you guys like Warcraft too? Thanks to everyone (and I guess I'm to blame here as well), we can already expect a sequel in the next couple of years. Maybe we can get someone with a brain to actually write something of a competent script because writer Max Landis (the fuckboi of all fuckbois - seriously he's the Martin Shkreli of screenwriters) didn't do his idea - or Smith - any justice here.
Review HERE.
7. Rough Night
You've already forgotten that this movie came out this year, haven't you? I actually really hate having to put this movie on this list because I really think there should be more female-driven ensemble comedies out there. But, they also have to be done right. Even though it wasn't my particular taste in humor, I can see where a movie like Girl's Trip has succeeded. Where Rough Night fails is when it comes to upping the stakes. They kill a male stripper, they're on drugs, they have to get rid of the body. There is so much room for R-rated comedy, but it wimps out. It doesn't go the full distance, doesn't commit to its plot enough for anyone to care, or at the very least laugh. Not even the wonderful Jillian Bell or Kate McKinnon could save this miscarriage of a movie.
Review HERE.
6. Alien: Covenant
I love all the shit-talking Ridley Scott has been doing lately about Blade Runner 2049 and Star Wars when he made one of the most crap ass movies of the year. Sure, it wasn't as bad and up its own ass as Prometheus was, but Alien: Covenant was a huge letdown. Once again, we've got a band of "scientists" who don't take any scientific approach to anything and just TOUCH everything in sight. We've got action sequences so frenetic it's difficult to tell what the hell is going on. And we've got an ending that goes more the Alien vs. Predator route than actual Aliens, I could've sworn they let Michael Bay direct it. You wanna know why Alien isn't as big as Star Wars, Ridley Scott? Because there hasn't been a good movie in the franchise since 1986!
Review HERE.
5. The Mummy
Tom Cruise, you pompous butthole. Do you not realize how much we, as a general public, LOVE the Brendan Frasier Mummy? I know this movie was going to happen with or without you, but dude, you didn't have to attach yourself to this overflowing septic tank of hackneyed bullshit. You also didn't have to do a straight-up remake. It could've been a modern-day extension of the already established Brendan Frasier Mummy series. Hey, assholes who thought you could do it better - here's an idea... if you're going to set up the fact that Russell Crowe is Dr. Jekyll... when you finally give us Mr. Hyde, try to give us something a little better than this cheap CGI'd nonsense:
Because fuck you! That's why! It's cheap. It's so unintentionally hilarious, but not in a good way, that you may single-handedly have killed the entire Dark Universe world (not that anyone was asking for one in the first place, but still....). And finally, don't spit in our faces when, by the end of the movie, all the shit that's happened gets reversed and everyone gets to live happily ever after except for Tom Cruise who gets to be the Mummy now. That's dumbass wrong.
Review HERE.
4. The Circle
Thankfully I didn't have to review this movie, my lovely fiancé bit that bullet for me. But according to her it was like having to watch Ann Coulter blowing chunks in a rest stop bathroom after binge eating clam chowder. According to her, The Circle is "a bloated piece of fiction from a 12th grade creative writing class whose author is a seventeen year old tech nerd who has never talked to a girl but insists on making one his main character." Emma Watson is apparently so bad in this movie that "you'd think drowning would be a relatively easy thing to pretend to do, but Emma Watson butchers it... God forbid one more white girl dies in a tragic midnight kayak accident." The film includes such wonderful moments as "Glenne Headley using a penis pump on Bill Paxton while he talks dirty" and "watching the late and great Bill Paxton shit himself." RIP. It's also sad to note that Tom Hanks appears to be a huge Dave Eggers fan (as I used to be -- though A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius is still one of my all-time favorite books) being that he was in this film and A Hologram for the King, and neither received much great praise. Because Tom Hanks deserves better than this. Hell, the entire cast and everyone watching it deserves better than this movie. Except Ann Coulter. She deserves exactly this. She's shit.
Review HERE.
3. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter and Underworld: Blood Wars are damn near indistinguishable to me. They both have been around for over 15 years and each one is shittier than the one before it. However, the reason Underworld sits comfortably at 10th place and Resident Evil is all the way down here at 3rd, is I watched this one more recently and can remember more of the unpleasantness this film had to offer. And let me tell you as far as quality goes - Underworld doesn't hold a nut squirt to Resident Evil. The franchise, which was supposed to take its characters and storylines from the video games has disregarded all of that, collecting all of the whitest, most hollow D-list actors they can find to spew one line of turd covered dialogue after another. The subtitle for this film is The Final Chapter, so tell me why in the actual shit you've got Milla Jovovich riding off toward the camera at the end literally saying "but my story isn't over..." Did you already forget what movie you were writing?! Trust me, compared to this movie, a posthumous Bill Paxton dick pump scene doesn't seem too bad now.
2. Geostorm
Stick me in a theater with a disaster movie any day, and I'll love you for it. Stick Gerard Butler in that movie? Hell yes! Even better. Oh, it's one of those movies that doesn't focus on just ONE natural disaster (like Twister or Volcano), but ALL the natural disasters (like 2012 or San Andreas)?! Count me in! Wait a second... you're telling me that Geostorm has all of these elements - elements that I love to watch - and it's one of the worst movies of the year? How is that possible?! Oh, the script doesn't make any sense? That's okay. It doesn't have to! I like watching the destruction anyway. Wait, in a near two-hour movie there's maybe two to three minutes total of destruction?! That's okay, as long as I can have fun with the characters. Oh, the characters aren't fun? They just spout random lines, create contrived relationships, act like they're performing for a scene in a Hallmark channel original film? Well... that's okay... at least Gerard Butler gets to battle some seriously destructive weather. HE'S IN A SPACE SHIP THE WHOLE TIME? HE DOES NOTHING?! So, let me get this straight? You've made a movie... a movie called GEOSTORM... about a computerized weather program that controls all the weather on Earth... someone has HACKED INTO IT CAUSING CRAZY NATURAL DISASTERS WORLDWIDE... and the only person who can save it is Gerard Butler and there's literally NO FUN INVOLVED WHATSOEVER?! I hate movies.
Review HERE.
1. Happy Death Day
If I had written the script for Happy Death Day exactly as it goes in the movie, here's how I would pitch it to movie studios - with complete and utter honesty:
Me: Hey, how you guys doin? Okay, I got an idea for a horror movie. So, stay with me here, but do you guys remember Groundhog Day? You do! Great! Yes, I love that movie too. Such a classic. Well, I'm here to bastardize the hell out of it! Anyway, we all know that when Bill Murray keeps killing himself, that was the best part of the movie. So I thought-- shit! Let's make a movie about that. Let's get a generic blonde college girl who is a huge bitch and have her get murdered every day. And she has to repeat this. She can try to escape her murder, but somehow the murderer finds her every time. The murderer will wear a mask so you can't see the face and it's a big twist ending - only it'll be a fucking stupid ending that makes no sense. Also, the killer will wear a scary mask. It'll look like... I don't know... a baby or something. Anyway, so the girl is an insufferable bitch, right? And the reason she's getting killed is BECAUSE she's a bitch. Now, most movies would want her to learn her lesson and treat people better, right? Nah. Fuck that. That shit's tired. We want new. Let's just have her accidentally stumble upon who her killer is and NEVER CHANGE. So she kills her killer, doesn't learn a lesson, and gets to live! The tone will be something equivalent to watching Rush Limbaugh in a circle jerk with thirty clones of himself. I only need like two million dollars for this movie because effort costs money and I don't plan on any of that. Oh, and I know the deaths need to fun, but let's not spend any money on blood or creativity and when she's about to die, we'll just cut away so it can be PG-13 and kids who are still developing can be mentally stunted by the illogical dreck we'll force their eyes to witness. I know... it's brilliant, right? Where do I sign?
Review HERE.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: A Cure For Wellness, Fist Fight, Kingsman: The Golden Circle, Life, The Snowman
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And finally, I'm having a difficult time figuring out if the movie mother! deserves to go on the WORST movies of the year list or on the BEST movies of the year list. Of all the movies that I saw in 2017, good and bad, this is the movie that has stuck with me the most. I don't know if it was brilliant or a filmmaking tragedy. I think it may fit perfectly on both (though I'm leaning toward the former). See you guys next year!
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