Big Peck's Cineflex Awards Edition VI: Oscar Winner Predictions

Last year I gave my predictions for 11 categories. I then predicted that I would accurately predict 8 of the 11 categories correctly. My prediction came true. I only got 8 right. And I got a lot of the big ones wrong. I didn't even get Best Picture right last year. But last year was a shit show. Not the La La Land being announced instead of Moonlight shit show, but a shit show nonetheless. This year doesn't seem to be any different. The lack of diversity - especially when it comes to non-white men, or any women - is still amazing. And I really only watch this show because it's a tradition I established as a kid as the one thing I do every year with my mother. But until the Academy rids themselves of these old, white baby boomers - #oscarssowhite isn't going to change. The bright side of this year is there were amazing movies. So much better than last year's malaise of the film equivalent to greek yogurt. There were several fantastic films this year that it's unfortunate only one person/film can win in each category. I feel a lot more confident in my picks this year, so if you're a betting person - here's your guaranteed LOCKS! LET'S DO THIS!!!

Best Picture:

Ford v Ferrari
The Irishman
Jojo Rabbit
Joker
Little Women
Marriage Story
1917
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Parasite

I was lucky enough to see every movie on this list and this year has accomplished something I don't believe has ever happened in my lifetime (or at least since they've expanded the nominee list to 10): I thought every single one of these movies were fantastic. Toss Uncut Gems in there and you have pretty close to my ten favorite movies of the entire year. I personally loved The Irishman most in 2019, but that's because my Pacino/Pesci/DeNiro/Scorsese love is unmatched. I know people complained about the length, but I kept wishing it was longer. I know it's not the best movie of the year, but it was great. Same with Ford v Ferrari, which strangely won me over as being a really, really fun movie that I'd love to watch again. The problem again is the Academy gets ten slots and still has only used nine. Where is Uncut Gems? Where is Avengers: Endgame? Where's Knives Out and Booksmart? You've got the ten... use the damn ten!

What's Going to Win: 1917
What Deserves to Win: Parasite

Please don't get me wrong here. 1917 is an AMAZING movie. And when it wins, I'll be totally happy. It's beautiful and terrifying and heartbreaking and a damn near perfect war movie that puts you in the middle of what it was like to serve. But Parasite is the clear winner here, right? While I was blown away by 1917, Parasite stuck with me. Even after a second viewing - it's stuck with me. I know most of these voting honkies don't want a "foreign" film to win the Best 'Merican Film category (that's why we have separate categories), so I doubt it's going to double up. But it should. Parasite should break the ground where it wins Best Foreign Film and Best Picture. Sadly, it won't. And honestly, any of these movies could win. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood could be Tarantino's Revenant pick. It's not his best movie, but he's earned a Best Picture award, hasn't he? Jojo Rabbit was so touching and hilarious. Marriage Story was heartbreaking with wonderful performances. Joker - which I still believe to be a bit overrated - is a solid indictment of the way this country treats those with mental illnesses. Little Women was a terrific adaptation of a property that's already been done as much as A Star is Born. All of these movies would've easily taken the gold last year. It's just unfortunate only one can leave with the award.

Best Actor:

Antonio Banderas (Pain and Glory)
Leonardo DiCaprio (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood)
Adam Driver (Marriage Story)
Joaquin Phoenix (Joker)
Jonathan Pryce (The Two Popes)

Slightly upset at the Academy for intentionally dissing Adam Sandler. Like, we all know he's basically done it to himself with his slog of sludge he's put out the last fifteen years. But a great performance is a great performance. And Sandler blew me away in Uncut Gems. He was phenomenal. He was able to take a despicable character who makes literally all the wrong choices and elicit empathy from the audience. And yet... he got no love. It's a shame. Other snubs include randomly not nominating Robert DeNiro when his two other co-stars were given noms. Eddie Murphy missing out as Dolemite. And poor Taron Edgerton. He was a magnificent Elton John. But Bohemian Rhapsody fatigue had already caught up to voters.  Other than that, I assume the rest of the performances were up to Oscar par as I've only seen three of the five movies.

Who's Going to Win: Joaquin Phoenix
Who Deserves to Win: Joaquin Phoenix

It doesn't matter if I'd only seen Joker - Phoenix is a lock. Like a 155% lock. Bet your life savings on this one because there's no way in hell he doesn't take home the gold. And it's not a popularity issue either - he deserves it. We've seen how the character of The Joker can transform an actor into greatness (Nicholson, Ledger) or how you can bastardize the character (Leto). Luckily, Phoenix joins the former category. And while Arthur Fleck may not even be the legitimate Joker character (a theory is that he "inspired" the man who will one day become the Batman villain), that doesn't mean that Phoenix didn't give us the top 2 best Joker performance we've seen since the character's inception. Had the film failed or his performance not been up to snuff - I'd have given the gold to Driver. The argument in Marriage Story alone is worth the award for both him and ScarJo. Thankfully he's still got time.

Best Actress:

Cynthia Erivo (Harriet)
Scarlett Johansson (Marriage Story)
Saoirse Ronan (Little Women)
Charlize Theron (Bombshell)
Renée Zellweger (Judy)

I haven't seen all of these films, but from what I've heard/read/seen, the list is pretty accurate. The shocker here was Cynthia Erivo from Harriet. Harriet was critically mediocre and didn't do much to move the box office needle. But she's a great actress. The biggest snub in this category is absolutely Lupita Nyong'o from Us. She played dual roles and she was creepy as hell. It doesn't help that Us came out just about a year ago because if it had been in voters' minds, she should've been an absolute lock. Other than that, it appears they got the nominees right on this one.

Who's Going to Win: Renée Zellweger
Who Deserves to Win: Any of them

The reason I'm picking Zellweger is because she's taken home the gold in multiple other awards ceremonies this year and appears to be the frontrunner. However, I cannot confirm whether or not she deserves the Oscar because I haven't seen Judy. I've never been a Zellweger fan and I kinda sorta avoided the movie - but I've heard she's great. My preconceived notion of how I feel about her may cloud my judgement on the issue, however. If it were me voting, I would probably edge Saoirse Ronan over the rest. She was so great in Little Women. She carried herself in a way that you could see her toughness was a thin veil over her vulnerabilities. It was wonderful to behold. ScarJo was great as well. I gave Adam Driver the props for the "argument scene" in Marriage Story, but it was just as much her scene as it was his. Charlize was perfect as Megyn Kelly - but we've seen better from her. All of these brilliant and talented women deserve this prize. There is no one clear winner here. And I'll be happy if it goes to any of them not named Renée.

Best Supporting Actor:

Tom Hanks (A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood)
Anthony Hopkins (The Two Popes)
Al Pacino (The Irishman)
Joe Pesci (The Irishman)
Brad Pitt (Once Upon A Time in Hollywood)

Go back and look at the Best Actor nominees. You've got a couple of A-listers on there, but it's not your normal ragtag group of dudes. Now look at the Best Supporting Actor nominees. These are the A-listers. These are the go-to names to headline movies. What in the God-loving hell are these guys doing in supporting roles? They're all getting older, but isn't it just crazy to see these five names in a list of actors who were only in supporting roles? Shit, Tom Hanks was a supporting character as Mr. Rogers in a movie about Mr. Rogers!!! Any of these guys could win based on their performances alone, but only one is the surefire winner here.

Who's Going to Win: Brad Pitt
Who Deserves to Win: Brad Pitt

I loved The Irishman. It was my favorite movie of 2019. I genuinely think that Al Pacino is the greatest actor of all time and his performance in The Irishman absolutely blew me away. Joe Pesci was a close second. To see him pulled out of retirement for that role was a delight. He can retire now having completed one of the best movies in his entire filmography. But Brad Pitt deserves the win. It might not be his greatest performance or his greatest role- but this is more of a lifetime achievement Oscar (much like Leo's Revenant win). And give it up to Quentin Tarantino for being able to write supporting characters. Holy shit. His last few movies have yielded Christoph Waltz TWO Best Supporting Actor awards (deservedly so). But Pitt is so much fun in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. He's hilarious, he's terrifying, he's absolutely JACKED. He brings the much-needed levity and personality to the movie that wouldn't have worked without him. So, just give him the Oscar already. He should've already had a few by now.

Best Supporting Actress:

Kathy Bates (Richard Jewell)
Laura Dern (Marriage Story)
Scarlett Johansson (Jojo Rabbit)
Florence Pugh (Little Women)
Margot Robbie (Bombshell)

This category is the perfect example of #oscarssowhite. Reason being is there wasn't a performance by a woman all year that was as talked about and heralded as highly as Jennifer Lopez's performance in Hustlers. She was great. And while I don't think it was strong enough to win the award - it was certainly strong enough to get a nomination. Instead, we got two nominations that really didn't deserve to be on the list over J-Lo. First, I love Florence Pugh. She made a huge splash in 2019, but her performance in Little Women was just... decent. Her performance in Midsommar was much stronger, I thought. And then there's Margot Robbie, who was great in Bombshell, but I didn't think she stood out over the rest of them. Jennifer Lopez should've taken one of those spots.

Who's Going to Win: Laura Dern
Who Deserves to Win: Kathy Bates

Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. Let me explain myself here. I LOVE Laura Dern. I'm so happy she keeps popping up everywhere. She's a phenomenal actress and one who deserves to be on this list - and when she wins - she will have deserved that too! But just not for this role. It's such a brief role and all she's really doing is bringing over her Renata character from Big Little Lies. I don't know what all the hullabaloo is about with this particular performance when we got to see a hell of a lot more of it from two seasons of great television. But Kathy Bates... she absolutely broke my heart. She has no chance of winning since no one actually saw Richard Jewell but me... but she literally broke my heart in that role. She's perfect and it's one of the better, softer performances of her career. I saw something new in Bates. The same goes with ScarJo in Jojo Rabbit. What a wonderful performance to show us that she's just a couple movies away from taking home a bunch of awards.

Best Director:

Bong Joon-ho (Parasite)
Sam Mendes (1917)
Todd Phillips (Joker)
Martin Scorsese (The Irishman)
Quentin Tarantino (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood)


There were absolutely no women nominated for Best Director. Again. None. The guy who directed Road Trip and The Hangover 2 got a nomination. But no women. No Greta Gerwig for Little Women. No Lulu Wang for The Farewell. No Lorene Scafaria for Hustlers. No Marielle Heller for A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. All dudes. That's all I have to say about that.

Who's Going to Win: Quentin Tarantino
Who Deserves to Win: Bong Joon-ho

This one here is my long shot, money bet. There's been a strange trend at the Oscars the last decade. Normally it goes that whoever takes home the gold for Best Director will take home the gold for Best Picture as well. But five of the last eight years the Best Director and Best Picture films have been different. There's a high probability that Sam Mendes will win because 1917 is going to win Best Picture and his direction is one of the biggest reasons why that movie will win. But Tarantino hasn't ever won it. He's won twice for Screenplay - but never directing. And voters really love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. So... I'm taking the risky bet here - one that may pay off big time if I were a betting man - and saying that while I still believe 1917 to be the victor... Tarantino takes home the gold for Directing. My hope is I'm wrong on both counts and Bong Joon-ho takes it. Parasite is above and beyond better than both of the aforementioned films.

Best Animated Feature:

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
I Lost My Body
Klaus
Missing Link
Toy Story 4

Once again no love for The Lego Movie. It was subbed a few years ago for some seriously unknown reason and now The Lego Movie: The Second One is missing from the list as well. Not sure how/why the Academy hates Legos, but I guess that's just what we have to deal with these days. It's also pretty amazing that Frozen II didn't make the list considering it's the highest grossing animated movie of all time. but I didn't see it. So it might be shit.

What's Going to Win: Toy Story 4
What Deserves to Win: Toy Story 4 (or Klaus)

Toy Story 4 did something very few movies have been able to do: produce the fourth entry of a series and make it almost as good as the rest of the series. Toy Story 3, in my opinion, is a perfect movie and the perfect end to the series. But if they HAD to make a fourth one, they did it right with Toy Story 4. And once again, Pixar reigns supreme. However, Klaus was a wonderful surprise. Only reason I'm not giving it to Klaus is that the first fifteen minutes of that movie are rough. I was very close to turning it off due to how obnoxious it was. But I kept going because I'd heard through word of mouth how great it was and I'm glad I did. But, boy... the beginning... woof.


Other Predictions:


Best Original Screenplay:
What's Going to Win: Parasite
What Deserves to Win: Parasite

Best Adapted Screenplay:
What's Going to Win: Jojo Rabbit
What Deserves to Win: Jojo Rabbit

Best Foreign Language Film:
What's Going to Win: Parasite
What Deserves to Win: Parasite

How Many Categories I'm Going To Pick Correctly: 9/10

Overall Consensus:
The Oscars still have a lot of growing to do. And that's saying something considering this is the 92nd ceremony. There needs to be a lot more inclusion or the show needs to be done away with entirely. This year has been easier than most years to predict and don't be surprised if I go 10/10 this year. These are mostly educated guesses - which is different than most years when they're just straight up shots in the dark. Enjoy the show and let's hope for a more progressive list of nominees in the years to come.

The Top 10 GUILTY PLEASURE Movies of the Decade

We have come to our final list of the decade. Previously we discussed our 10 BEST FILMS of the Decade list, as well as our 10 Most UNDERRATED FILMS of the Decade list. Finally, we give you the ultimate list of 10 GUILTY PLEASURES of the decade. These are films that fall into two categories - movies that the general public enjoys that snooty film critics seem to ignore OR just terrible movies in general that you personally like for any non-specific reason. Guilty Pleasure movies don't have to really be discussed. They don't have to really be defended. They're movies that will never win Oscars, but you love them just the same (maybe even more). So, for our last list of the decade - once again, Keith R. Beshwate and I have compiled for you....



(in no particular order....)






The Top 10 GUILTY PLEASURE Movies of the Decade





21 Jump Street Franchise (2012/2014)

Channing Tatum is perfectly fine as a dramatic actor. As an action star. As a sex-god dancer. But the man is a natural in comedic roles, and the 21 Jump Street franchise made that angle in his career possible. Phil Lord and Christopher Miller are responsible for many great films this decade (one of them being in the top 10 on this blog), but I think these films are among the funniest. These are my "they're on TV, watch them" movies of the decade.



MacGruber (2010)

SNL original movies usually fail hard - both at the box office and keeping up the laughs for an hour and a half film based on a three minute sketch. Blues Brothers did it. Wayne's World did it. And MacGruber really fucking did it. It shouldn't have worked. It's one of the stupidest movies ever made. And yet, I find myself on the floor in stitches every time I watch it. What should've been a complete disaster, turned into one of the funniest movies of the entire decade. Must turn brain off to enjoy.


Sing (2016)

There were so many great animated films this decade, but I think Sing is the one I enjoy the most. It's one of the more original animated films of the decade, but takes on a familiar form: ensemble cast competing for a grand prize that (not-so-spoiler) doesn't actually exist. Maybe it's the voices, the characters, the weight of the stakes (which I think are often missing from animated films), but Sing is about community, following one's dreams, and just good for goodness sake.


The Conjuring franchise (2013/2016)

Since the first Saw film, director James Wan has established himself as the best of the best of horror film directors in the last twenty years. But he really came into his own with The Conjuring films (no, I'm not talking about the Annabelle movies or The Nun). Both of these films (and especially number 2) are the reason people go see horror films in theaters. They're goddamn scary. And they know how to scare everyone. There's haunting images, long moments of silent tension, jump scares, fake outs, terrifying monsters, everything. The Conjuring films do horror right and there hasn't been one to do them better in decades.


It Follows (2014)

Someone other than me in this blog post doesn't like It Follows. That person is entitled to their opinion. But I can't think of a film that executes looming fear and horror in a more imaginative way than David Robert Mitchell's tale of promiscuity and loss of innocence. The "it" is always, always following, whether close-up or on the edges of the frame. It's just so intensely terrifying.


This Is The End (2013)

From the mid 2000s to the mid 2010s - the Apatow crew ran the comedy gambit. If there was a comedic film released within that time, chances are it was directed or produced by Apatow and Seth Rogen and crew. This is the End marked the end of that era. It got everyone together to play themselves during the actual apocalypse. If we don't get another film with all of these guys together again, This is the End is the perfect send off. Especially since there was legitimately nothing funnier all decade than the scene of James Franco arguing with Danny McBride about jerking off into his nudie mags.


Neighbors franchise (2014/2016)

Ditto the Channing Tatum comments for Zac Efron, whose insane frat-leader persona makes the Neighbors movies entertaining additions to the Apatow-like comedies of the decade. That's not to say Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne, Ike Barinholtz, and a stupidly-funny Dave Franco don't round out the cast well (along with so many other featured comedians), but Efron's the most engaging. Nicholas Stoller ushered in Forgetting Sarah Marshall the previous decade and outdid himself twice in the 2010s with the Neighbors movies (let's just forget Get Him to the Greek).


The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

On the surface, Cabin in the Woods looked like your average "cabin in the woods" horror movie. A bunch of kids go to a cabin, they're stock characters/stereotypes, they get killed off one by one, until our attractive lead kills the villain and survives. This version IS that movie - but with one hell of a clever twist. The above plot surmounts to about an hour of this film's runtime. The back hour is some of the most ingenious/hilarious/inventive horror comedy I've ever seen in a film in my lifetime. It's hard to market this film since it doesn't want to give away the ending, but if you haven't seen it yet - suffice it to say you will LOVE this movie. It's that brilliant.


Mr. Right (2015)

Have you seen this movie? Do you know about this movie? Do you like action movies? Do you like comedies? Do you enjoy Sam Rockwell (who doesn't?)? Tim Roth? Anna Kendrick? Don't let the regrettable "written by Max Landis" credit deter you from enjoying the hell out of this movie.


Mission: Impossible franchise - the last 3 (2011/2015/2018)

I know. How can I call the Mission: Impossible movies "guilty pleasure"? They're objectively great movies and each one only gets better than the previous entry. But too often they're relegated into "another one of those Tom Cruise movies". But it's so much more than that. They're exciting and entertaining. They capture action shots that are equal parts thrilling and visually stunning. And say what you want about Tom Cruise - the guy is in his late 50s and still doing 75% of his own insane stunts. I never want these movies to end as long as they can keep up the same quality as they've been over the past decade.  


HONORABLE MENTIONS: Don't Breathe, Kong: Skull Island, Drive, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Goosebumps, Every Nicolas Cage movie from 2010-2019

The 10 MOST UNDERRATED Movies of the Decade

You may have already taken a gander at our Top 10 Best Movies of the Decade list that was posted last week. This time around, we're going for movies that are just as good as the ten already listed, but sadly went mostly under the radar. These are films that perhaps slipped through the cracks of your watch list, but deserve your attention just the same. They're all great movies, just not as highly touted and recognizable as the ones on the 10 Best list. And, even if you have seen them, every single one of these films deserves a re-watch, if only to remind yourselves how great they truly are. So, without further adieu, Keith Beshwate and I give you...


(in no particular order...)



The 10 Most UNDERRATED Movies of the Decade




Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

Audiences have a weird relationship with Tom Cruise. If it's not another Mission: Impossible film, they generally write it off. After Cruise made the mediocre Oblivion, Edge of Tomorrow didn't really strike a chord either, with most people relegating it to a cross between a second-rate Tom Cruise film and a blatant Groundhog Day ripoff. However, despite its novelty, Edge of Tomorrow was shockingly enjoyable. It's one of those films that's almost too smart for its own good and has even better re-watch value than most sci-fi. Plus, we can thank it for fully establishing Emily Blunt as a new resident badass.


Obvious Child (2014)

Gillian Robespierre's Obvious Child made small waves upon release. But the film exits now as a lasting testament to women's agency and independence in a world where expectations attempt to force central character Donna (played only as Jenny Slate could) into an all-too-familiar "do the right thing" decision. It's Donna's confrontation and challenge of the norm that makes Obvious Child a beautiful message of empowerment.


The Nice Guys (2016)

Once every ten years, writer/director Shane Black writes and directs a clever noir-action-comedy film, usually with actors you wouldn't expect in the roles he writes. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was the ferocious Robert Downey Jr. comeback (which, if you liked that movie - this movie is its smokin' hot cousin), and The Nice Guys gives us the unlikely duo of Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling, two actors certainly not known for their comedy chops. Yet, with an intelligent script and whip-smart and witty dialogue, The Nice Guys is arguably the best comedy of the decade.


The Invitation (2015)

I wrote about Karyn Kusama's The Invitation for this very blog. Did you watch it? I gave it an A-. Not a good enough score? I'd probably give it an A now. In an age where a film's final reveal begs for immediate rewatch, The Invitation's tense draw and horrific third act make it an amazing tale of "confronting reality" (qtd. from the last time I told you to watch this movie).


Nightcrawler (2014)

Nightcrawler was underrated by pretty much everyone, it seems, in 2014 - failing to even produce an Oscar nomination for what is undoubtedly Jake Gyllenhaal's best and most haunting performance. In his directorial debut, Dan Gilroy explores the darker side of the media with this scathing indictment of capitalism and obsession. It's one of the most original and creepy thrillers in recent memory and it deserves more love than it has since gotten.


Take Shelter (2011)

There's rarely a role Michael Shannon can't make his own. As a character actor, he's phenomenal to watch (just look at his pedigree from the last decade). But the film that was his best of the decade is Take Shelter, one in which he plays more of an "everyman" but makes said man's fears and protection of family incredibly palpable. Jeff Nichols' film about a man's decent into supposed madness about an impending mega-storm is a must-watch meditation on faith, morality, and family.



Logan Lucky (2017)

Logan Lucky was such a quiet release, it almost flew under my radar. However, don't be fooled by what looks like a straight-to-cable knock off of smarter heist movies. Logan Lucky is a hilarious and incredibly sharp comedy. And despite its commercial failure, this hillbilly companion to Ocean's 11 holds up as one of the best of the decade. You'd be hard-pressed to find a cast with chemistry as perfect as this - and if you were ever on the fence about Adam Driver or Channing Tatum or even Daniel Craig... Logan Lucky will convince you to become a believer.


Fruitvale Station (2013)

Michael B. Jordan and Ryan Coogler are nearly household names by now. But before Black Panther and Creed, there was Fruitvale Station, the real-life story of the devastating New Year's Eve day of Oakland resident Oscar Grant, shot to death on a BART platform years before the prevalence of smartphone-captured police murders. Jordan and Coogler are now amongst the Hollywood elite, and this film is the reason why.


Dredd (2012)

Dredd failed because no one had faith in a semi-low budget remake of a terrible Sylvester Stallone/Rob Schnieder movie, obviously. But Dredd ended up being the biggest surprise of the entire decade as the film succeeds in almost every way Sly's failed - it's exciting, it's witty, it's visually stunning, it's absolutely batshit bonkers, and it's some of the most fun I've ever had watching a movie in a theater.


20th Century Women (2016)

I'm an absolute sucker for feature films by music video directors (see: Under the Skin, David Fincher, and most Spike Jonze, not so much Her), and I will follow Mike Mills down any road he paves. 20th Century Women is a well-acted, aesthetically endearing cross-generational powerhouse that takes coming-of-age tropes and spins them for all ages, with a great soundtrack/score to boot.


HONORABLE MENTIONS: The World's End, Mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Frank, Inside Llewyn Davis, Good Time

The 10 BEST Films of the Decade

The 2010s brought audiences some amazing and memorable films. It was no easy task going through each year's list of movies and narrowing it down to ten of the best. However, fellow film enthusiast Keith Beshwate and myself did the work for you, so you didn't have to do it yourself! Teamwork! In doing so, we have compiled an accurate and perfect list that flawlessly represents the best of what the last decade has had to offer. So, without any further adieu, we present to you...

(in no particular order)....


THE 10 BEST MOVIES OF THE DECADE




Moonlight (2016)

The bridge of Frank Ocean's "Super Rich Kids" repeats an all-too loaded claim: "Real love/I'm searching for a real love." It appears to be a plea not for the one, but for a one, some sort of real love that's "something rare" to find. This coda echoed in my head during my first viewing of Moonlight, Barry Jenkins' tri-chapter ode to coming-of-age in an age one doesn't belong. It's a breathtakingly ethereal approach to queer identity, toxic masculinity, and black survival, as central figure Chiron remains but an observer in his own world, absorbing its relationships and perennial truths. When Chiron transitions from viewer to actor, he falls in line with cultural and societal expectations; after a decade spent battling his demons, unassailable feelings lead him back to his one true friend and one-time lover. The viewer is left at the end of the film to understand that the true connection is felt, not spoken. Though frequently viewed through the prism of the Academy Awards debacle, Moonlight will outlive that footnote as a testament to growth and voice of a generation searching for, and hopefully finding, "real love".


Whiplash (2014)

Whiplash snuck into theaters with barely a whisper back in 2014. The trailers, if you recall, looked like it was trying to sell an intense drama about... drumming? It wasn't exactly on the average moviegoer's radar. Yet, once it started building buzz, a lack of desire to see it suddenly became an overwhelming need. How could a film about intense drumming really make this big of a cultural dent in the zeitgeist of American cinema? But it all made sense. Whiplash takes the simple story of a young man's desire to appease his drill-instructor of a music teacher by perfecting his musical skills, and uses it to illustrate the payoffs and dangers of artistic ambition, as well as a raw and brutal portrayal of the relationships between master and apprentice... teacher and student. The tension is high and continuously builds, until finally leading to one of the most satisfying conclusions in a film this decade. Backed by a magnetic breakout performance, JK Simmons, after being relegated to bit parts and supporting roles, is finally given his movie to shine. Not only that, he's the reason to watch this film.


Paddington 2 (2017)

"Too pure" is one of those past-decade phrases that should probably die. In all honesty, it should be reserved for only the most adorable pet photos and Paddington 2. As serviceably great a film as Paddington is, its sequel isn't bogged down by the TV-pilot-like setups of background and familiarization. The charm and wholesomeness of Paddington 2 are amped up by a much more interesting and engaging antagonist in Hugh Grant; it's a film that doesn't treat children like they're idiots or adults like they're the parents of idiots. The thoughtful-in-its-own-right plot is surrounded by plenty of engaging visuals and quips, along with the heart-melting emotional beats. It's THE feelgood film of the decade, no pessimists allowed.


Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

I'm not entirely sure where Mad Max: Fury Road fits in with the OG Mad Max timeline, but suffice it to say Fury Road is the unlikely spinoff/reboot/sequel that was able to circumvent its reboot-ness and wound up as one of the most original and innovative movies of the decade. In an act of madness, director George Miller had the audacity to remake/boot his own franchise and use the post-apocalyptic setting to make way for a shockingly feminist badass feature film. Max may be the titual character, but he's certainly not the protagonist (seriously, he's got like 9 total lines of dialogue in the whole damn movie). No, this film belongs to Charlize Theron. All hail Furiosa as she stomps her boot heel into the teeth of the badland patriarchy (with one fuckin' arm, no less). It's no easy feat to take a franchise that, for decades, has been utterly driven by men, and turn it into a feminist rally cry against a literally male-dominated post-apocalyptic wasteland. What should've been another rinse-and-repeat reboot became an instant classic with actual depth and something culturally relevant to say. And, lest we not forget the fact that the entire movie is literally one long, continuous car chase. From the opening scene you're on the edge of your seat begging for a moment of levity in order to catch your breath that won't come until the roll of the credits. There's also a gimp tied to one of the cars named The Doof Warrior who spits flames from his electric guitar. So...


A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (2014)

In a decade of genre mashups and blurred thematic lines, no film executes a more perfect landing than A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night. It's a ::takes a breath:: gothic-vampire-Iranian-giallo-spaghetti-western-romance-allegory (paired with an equally genre-non-specific and fucking great soundtrack). Set in "Bad City", writer-director Ana Lily Amirpour takes the viewer on an eerie exploration of how the definition of "bad" is no so black-and-white (see what I did there?) and the difficulty of breaking the pattern of evil (especially regarding the abusive men of the town). Beyond the modern-goth relationship and the modern edge of the Burqa-turned-vampire-cape, the film is most potent in its gorgeous scenery of a town emptied by its self-propelled despair. The film poses an eternal question: is the root of "badness" in the action or the person? It's one you'll have to answer on your own viewing.


Green Room (2016)

Great films resonate on a different level. They ask us to explore things within ourselves we haven't otherwise discovered. Great films make you feel something new. Something real. Something that reaches deep down into you and twists your stomach into knots because while you're watching something on a screen that's completely detached from your own reality - it feels like you're a part of it. That's what happens in Green Room. It takes the simple wrong-place-wrong-time set up and brutally crafts a realistic scenario that, terrifyingly, could easily happen to any of us. In this case it's a punk band who stumbles into the green room of their concert venue at the wrong time, and then subsequently find themselves being terrorized and picked off by a hoard of modern-day neo-Nazi white supremacists (something in 2019 you'd assume wouldn't still be a fucking issue) led shockingly by the great Patrick Stewart in a hauntingly understated performance. These characters, though, are real. Their terror and their fear is felt by the audience because they're not being chased by ghosts or masked killers. These are real villains who exist in our world. Who kill without purpose. And all it takes is a single misstep to put yourself within their sights. It's a brutal film that, on the surface, is a gory grindhouse exploitation film, but underneath it has bones of intelligence and nuance amidst the visceral (and quite literally shocking) violence. Sadly, it's one of Anton Yelchin's final films, but one that does the young man justice and only furthers to showcase what a talented actor he would've continued to be. 


Spiderman: Into The Spider-Verse (2018)

Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse is, ostensibly, a niche take on a mega-franchise looking to add a few more bills to its coffers; instead, it delivers a captivating adventure for families and cinephiles alike. The film (which I hesitate to call animated, as that cheapens its impressiveness) is arguably the most visually stunning cinema of the decade. The scenery and transitions alone make the film worth a trip to the theater, but add to that a surprisingly intricate plot and heart-aching family dynamics and there is no question - it is ocular ecstasy. The notion of a multiverse, of alternate dimensions fill with alternate yous, is an appealing one, particularly when Miles is joined by a veritable gaggle of Spiderpersons™ uniting to right the present by correcting the mistakes of the past. While technically a part of the Marvel Universe, the movie is a take wholly and uniquely its own, free from the constraints of the expectations we have for Peter Parker. Spider-Verse is a reminder of what creativity can do to revive a seemingly never-ending slog of reboots, revamps, and reimaginings.


Inception (2010)

Christopher Nolan has, thankfully, by 2020, become a household name. Obviously, this is mostly chalked up to his superb Batman trilogy. But what he doesn't get enough credit for are his wholly original films that work equally to entertain as well as challenge the viewer. Inception is the movie in Nolan's 2010-2019 filmography that stands out most to me, but it could just as easily be replaced with Interstellar or Dunkirk on this list and the rationale would still be the same. Nolan is a visionary director who takes great pride in crafting innovative, intelligent and entertaining films. He's firmly cemented into the Hollywood ether his own recognizable style, but even more than that, he's able to craft entire worlds from scratch  - whether they're dream-worlds like in Inception or other planetary worlds like Interstellar. Inception doesn't just try to entertain by showcasing Nolan's skills of creating practical visual effects, but it also takes the time to subvert genre and give us something more cerebral. The mere concept of Inception had no right to be as good as it is, and honestly the sheer complexity of its story could've put the film into the category of "ambitious failure". Instead, it became a cultural phenomenon that audiences went back to see several times, if only to be able to contribute their own speculations and interpretations at the watercooler like it was a damn Star Wars movie. Inception is filmmaking at its best, but it's also enhanced by a cast that directors only dream of compiling together for a single movie (that also isn't produced by Marvel). Inception is one of the best of the decade because Christopher Nolan is the director of the decade.


Get Out (2017)

When I caught the 10:15 AM Friday showing of Get Out its opening weekend in 2017, I was the only one in the theater. For horror films, I like it this way; a private screening enhances what I know will be at the very least a thrilling time. I had no idea then I would go on to watch this film again (and many more agains), passionately argue its merit, include it as a text in my class, and write about it now. I just watched it again, and still, still, I'm finding new-to-me moments of racial commentary and plot perfection. I firmly believe that no film in the last decade uses its runtime more effectively than Get Out. It's expertly shot, well-acted, unpretentious, but most impressively, nearly every line and action is layered. Like the finest literature, Jordan Peele delivers a film that so thoughtfully addresses the problematic dichotomy of the conservative wolf and the liberal fox (X 1964) in the 21st century; modern-day enslavement steeped in simmering-beneath-the-surface racism disguised as casual ally-ship. At one point, our protagonist, Chris, is asked if he believes the African-American experience is better or worse in the modern-day, while staring at the sea of white faces before him, punctuated with a flippant "that's a tough one!" from the (white) patriarch of the home. That the question is asked with naive earnestness alerts both Chris and the audience to the reality of Peele's thesis: subconscious "othering" is as damaging as overt racism and exists more widespread than anyone (specifically "woke" whites) is willing to believe. Get Out is an intense thriller, a damning social commentary, an expertly timed comedy, and an excellent example of the harmony filmmakers should bring to story and theme.



Hereditary (2018)

Holy shit. It's what I said while walking out of the theater and it's what I've said after each subsequent viewing (what kind of demented monster has seen this movie more than once?!). There are other horror movies on this list, but they're able to function as other genres as well as horror. Hereditary is a straight up horror movie. Not just that. It's a fucking masterclass in horror filmmaking (ironically directed by a first-timer). What begins as the classic scary movie set-up manifests itself into a brilliant psychological horror film containing some of the most shocking and grisly moments (you know exactly which parts I'm talking about) ever put on film. Director Ari Aster deepens our fear not just with his unbearable tension and terrifying thrills, but by pairing them with dark aspects of real life - like a family experiencing crippling grief. This, along with a haunting and hypnotizing soundtrack, is the recipe for a perfect horror movie that has haunted me ever since I saw it (anyone else get PTSD when they hear someone do that tongue click noise?). Toni Collette deserves as much of the praise because all of this doesn't work without her chilling performance. She brings an ethos to the character that Aster uses to showcase true pain in his commentary on mental illness and the burdens passed down to us by our parents. His filmmaking instincts and Collette's powerhouse performance have given us not just one of the best movies of the 2010s, but one of the best movies of all time.


HONORABLE MENTIONS: Chef, Parasite, Birdman, Under the Skin, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, First Reformed

The Top 10 Best and Worst Movies of 2019

Hey there. It's been a little while since we've seen each other. This year I decided to drop the blog in favor of putting all of my focus on writing (and brackets). But I had to come back for my end of the year list. It's the reason I started the blog in the first place. Don't worry - I've seen just as many movies as I always do... I just didn't record them or write extensive reviews of them for your enjoyment because let's be honest... you didn't actually read them anyway. You just looked at the letter grade. And, hey, that's cool. You're not even reading this right now. But I tell you I've had a lot more time to write what I've wanted to write for money that I've wanted to make for a long time. So, it's been a good deal for all involved. But I had to come back for the list. This year started off pretty weak. And like most years, the best movies tended to be back-loaded to the last couple months or so. But it was still an overall decent year for films. Even better is that I had a difficult time coming up with 10 worst. I was able to mostly avoid bad movies this year since the really bad ones looked really bad and I wasn't fooled by ones that genuinely looked decent. But, without further adieu... on to the list!


The TOP 10 BEST Films of 2019!


10. Us

After winning an Oscar for his first ever (perfect) screenplay with Get Out, Jordan Peele was always going to have an uphill battle for anyone to believe his sophomore film would be able to hold a candle to his opus. And while Us is certainly no Get Out - it is a very worthy follow-up. It's more intense, it's just as scary, it's superbly acted, and it's definitely on brand with the themes he's been exploring in his works. While Get Out put Peele on everyone's radar, Us has cemented him as a name in the horror world (and writing world in general) as someone we can now trust to give us thoughtful, intelligent, terrifying, and thoroughly enjoyable horror films. Us - along with this year's Midsommar - were two of my favorite and the best horror films of the year, with this one standing out as one of the ten best films.


9. Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Of the movies on this top 10 list I think this is really the only controversial choice - which is strange to say for a Quentin Tarantino movie. Most of the time his movies are revered by all and when you toss his latest gem on a list, people just nod, smile and agree. However, I found Once Upon a Time in Hollywood to be somewhat polarizing. No one really thought the movie was "just okay". People either loved it or hated it. I fell into the former category - but it took me a minute. My immediate reaction after having seen the movie was that I didn't know if I liked it or hated it, just that it was one of the two. It was nothing like any of Tarantino's previous work, but then exactly like it as well. There wasn't really a plot or a storyline or character arc or anything that film schools teach writers they must adhere to in order to write a good script. There were unlikable characters, great acting, overly long scenes of whip-smart dialogue, and a hilarious ending that totally skull fucks the tone of the entire previous two hours. Only after a second viewing did I decide that I loved this movie. It's a love-letter to old Hollywood, but it's also a showcase of some of the best acting we have in our current Hollywood by one of the best writer/directors of all time. It's the perfect cocktail for a great movie that's only going to get better with each viewing.



8. John Wick 3: Parabellum

Top 10 lists shouldn't just be Oscar bait movies. They should be movies from every genre that make us feel things we've never felt before. The third entry to the John Wick series fits that criteria as hands down the best action movie of the year (and probably the best action movie since John Wick 2). It's a tough thing to make three movies in a series and each one be just as satisfying as the previous entries - it's on a whole other level if each movie is better than the last. John Wick 3: Parabellum is batshit crazy and some of the most fun I had at the movies all year. What the team behind these films has been able to accomplish over the trilogy in not just story, but in overall action sequences that feel wholly new in an already tired genre, is nothing short of astounding. These movies are able to take your expectations and roundhouse kick them in the throat. I hope they never stop making these movies if the quality of them continues to be as high as they currently are. God bless you, Keanu. 

7. Uncut Gems

This is one of the last movies I got to see in 2019 and it absolutely blew me away. Nearly every second of every minute of this film aims to get your heart-rate pulsing. It's one of the most anxiety-inducing films I've ever seen and I mean that in a good way. When buzz around Adam Sandler's performance started circulating the Twittersphere, I genuinely thought it was going to be one of those things that's built up so much that his performance couldn't live up to the hype. I'm here to tell you, friends, that not only does it absolutely live up to the hype, it exceeds it. Sandler is shockingly phenomenal playing a character he's never come close to touching before. He's not exactly a sympathetic character (in fact, everyone in the movie is pretty despicable) and he makes all of the wrong decisions for all of the wrong reasons, yet you still hope in your heart of hearts that everything works out for him. The films rolls on at a rapid pace and doesn't slow down until its final moment. I had to catch my breath a few times. This is a wonderfully original film, unlike any I've seen before, and it's nothing short of brilliant.


6. Booksmart

In the 00s, male high school/college students got their raucous, filthy, coming-of-age teen comedy - Superbad. It stood the test of time for a minute and launched the career of Jonah Hill. And then some other raunchy high school movies tried to capitalize on Superbad's success, but none ever did. And eventually the genre went dormant. That is until this year. Olivia Wilde, in her directorial debut, brings us Booksmart - a raunchy, high school, coming-of-age film for the woke generation. Funny enough, one half of its stars is Jonah Hill's sister (who is absolutely hysterical). Where Superbad is cringe-worthy to look back on, I'm confident that Booksmart will be the one true high school comedy to stand the test of time as it is both hilarious and eschews the whole "date rape" aspect that a lot of high school comedies over the years seemed to embrace. This movie has a ton of heart and a ton of laughs. And in our constantly evolving culture, comedies like this are necessary. Ones that show real diversity-- real people-- accompanied by real life lessons-- that will also make your sides split with laughter. This film deserves all the love.


5. Avengers: Endgame

This should come as a surprise to most of you who have been fans of the Cineplex since its launch seven years ago. All I've done for years is rail against Marvel and the over-saturation of the superhero genre. But I was won over by Endgame and Infinity War. What Kevin Feige/Marvel/Disney and the rest have accomplished is something never before done in the history of film. They tied 21 movies together to bring forth an epic conclusion that is both thrilling and satisfying for even the most common Marvel fan. While Avengers: Endgame isn't quite a perfect movie, the last hour of this film is one of the best hours in all of cinema history. 21 movies worth of leads, side characters, and extras come together on an epic battlefield and not one of them is left out. Each one gets time to shine and it brought literal tears to my eyes to see it all come together like that. We also got very satisfying conclusions for several characters (that if Marvel decides to undo is going to really piss me off and have me railing against them again). However, for now... this film is one hell of an epic that's going to be looked at as one of Hollywood's greatest accomplishments.


4. Jojo Rabbit

If Taika Waititi hasn't become a household name for you yet, there's something wrong with your choices in movies. He's produced some of the funniest and best films over the past decade. His revamp of the Thor character in Thor: Ragnarok should speak for itself, but the man is just getting started. He decided that after making one of Marvel's best movies in the entire MCU, he was going to make a comedy about a little boy who is best friends with Hitler. For those upset at "cancel culture" because it's taking away comedian platforms of being funny - I give you Jojo Rabbit. Not only does Waititi play Hitler, but he's crafted a movie that is all parts hilarious, touching, thoughtful, titillating, and full of heart. Everyone should see this movie. There are real lessons to be learned from it and it's going to speak to anyone who isn't ignorant enough to ignore its themes. Sam Rockwell shines as always. Scarlett Johannson is magnificent (she's having a good year). And our little hero boy is one of the most adorable Nazis in movie history. What a genuinely delightful film.


3. Knives Out

Back in 2008 a little film called The Brothers Bloom came out and I was blown away. It's a quirky little con-artist movie that is one of the most enjoyable films I'd ever seen. This was my introduction to Rian Johnson. Then I watched Brick and Looper and The Last Jedi and over the years he'd become one of my favorite directors. Knives Out only cemented him further into that category. You can tell the man loves himself a whodunnit and is quite familiar with the genre. So, Knives Out winds up being both its own whodunnit and an homage to the best of the whodunnit films. The movie winds up being so clever that they tell you who the killer is halfway through the film and there still winds up being enough twists and turns after the reveal that it doesn't even cheapen what you've learned so early. To top it all off, the entire film is basically a huge fuck you to white people (rich white people to be more precise). It's a funny, clever, unique, and consistently entertaining film that I loved instantly. I didn't have to let it sit with me for days after watching it. As I was walking out of the theater I knew this would be a movie I would watch often for the rest of my life. (PS - if you liked this movie even half as much as I did - go watch The Brothers Bloom right NOW).


2. Parasite

I don't want to tell you too much about Parasite. I went into the movie blindly. I'd seen one trailer several months before that didn't reveal much about the plot. And the only reason I saw the film was because I kept seeing the near-impossible 99% fresh rating on rottentomatoes. I was also slightly familiar with Bong Joon Ho's work with the severely underrated Snowpiercer. All I can tell you is that this movie is fantastic. I saw it over a month ago and it's still with me. I think about it often and I want to watch it again. Movies this original and this beautiful are few and far between. Joon Ho was also able to weave in several different tonal shifts within the film that, on paper, shouldn't have worked. But on the screen left my jaw on the floor and my brain exploded. Don't look into it. Don't read about it. Just watch it. Because never before have I seen such an apt and scathing indictment of our American class system that also kept me laughing and gasping for its entire runtime. It's a damn near perfect film.

1. The Irishman

I'll be completely honest with you. If I thought about it really hard - Parasite should probably be number one. When I look back at this list years from now I'll probably wonder why I didn't put Parasite at number one. But it's my list. It's my blog. And it's the one top 10 list that I get to choose the rankings and I just can't put any movie at number one other than The Irishman. Three of the greatest living actors (Pacino, DeNiro, Pesci) back together again under the direction of Scorsese and it couldn't have been a better movie if it tried. I'm thankful I got to see it in theaters, but I also watched it at home. The criticism is in its run time at 3 and a half hours. And with today's limited attention span, I can see how that would be an issue for most people. But watch the movie. There's not an ounce of fat on it that can be trimmed. I've seen this movie twice and each time I watch it, I never want it to end. I marvel at the return of a subdued Joe Pesci who is just as terrifying with a whisper in this film as he is screaming and yelling in Goodfellas. DeNiro is his usual amazing self. But it's Pacino that I marvel at. He comes in late and leaves early, but this movie is all him. His performance in this film is, in my opinion, the greatest supporting performance of the year and top five of the decade - hell, even top ten in his career (which is saying something). The de-aging CGI is immaculate (save for two brief moments where I guess they got lazy). I loved this movie. More than any other movie this year. And I'm off to watch it again.


HONORABLE MENTIONS: Marriage Story, Little Women, Midsommar, Captain Marvel, The Perfection, A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, Ready or Not, Long Shot, Rocketman




The TOP 10 WORST Films of 2019:






10. IT: Chapter 2

Maybe don't chalk this one up to WORST - but most disappointing. In 2017 when IT came out, it was one of my favorite movies of the year. It was a throwback to 80s adventure movies like The Goonies, but with the terrifying Stephen King twist of a demented killer clown played brilliantly by one of the hundred Skarsgaards running around Hollywood. I loved it so much I read the 1000+ page book in less than a month. And while I knew that the true ending of the book is damn near unfilmable - they could do a whole lot better than the 90s movie. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Bill Hader, James McAvoy, and the dude who plays grown up Eddie are really all that IT: Chapter 2 has going for it. It's not scary anymore, it's campy. There's a 90-minute subplot of the Losers collecting their artifacts that isn't even in the book and wastes all of that screen time with blahhhh moments. And the ending is downright laughable. Scorpion King Pennywise is anything but scary, and to top it off - the way these morons easily beat the self-proclaimed "eater of worlds" is to call him a clown??? Seriously? This is the movie equivalent of when you messed up big time as a child and thought you were going to get the verbal lashing of a lifetime, only for your dad to say, "I'm not mad... I'm just disappointed."


9. Serenity

Do you remember this movie? At all? It came out back in January of 2019. It's got a pretty great cast - McConaughey, Hathaway, Diane Lane, Jason Clarke... and it looked like one of those pseudo-noir, murder mystery type drama/thrillers that could be pretty clever, especially considering the talent attached. Well, let me tell you, folks - holy shit. This movie is absolutely nuts. What appears like your typical whodunnit noir - is actually something completely bonkers. You're right that I didn't guess the ending because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER GUESS THE ENDING. I want all of you to go to Amazon Prime right now and watch this movie. It's terrible, yes. But it's something that you have to see to actually believe. Those of you (I'm assuming all of you) who won't do that - I'm going to spoil it now. So, if you don't want it spoiled for you, jump down to #8. But if you don't care - and you should because it's that insane to witness happen live - here is what the "twist" ending is for this nutty film: The whole thing takes place in a video game. Yep. McConaughey is dead. His son created a video game. What we're watching is the game play. I'm not joking. Now do you wanna go watch it? (It's even creepier because McConaughey is naked like 33% of the movie and bangs like... everyone).


8. Replicas

Keanu really has been doing well for himself. He made an epic comeback with the John Wick franchise, and he hasn't really had many missteps along the way. Except Replicas. I'm sure none of you saw this movie. Because you're much smarter than I am. I'm sure all of you saw through the deceptive Keanu cloak and realized what was underneath - a sci-fi turd not fit for human consumption. You know those people in high school who always raised their hand in class to answer a question philosophically and sounded so cocky while doing so thinking they nailed every aspect of their answer, but what actually came out was pure gibberish? That's like watching Replicas. Only while the student is spilling out the nonsense, you're compensating for having to listen to it by repeatedly hitting yourself in your temple with a ball peen hammer.


7. Where'd You Go, Bernadette?

I had almost finished this list entirely without this movie on it - because I hadn't seen it. But I just so happened to catch it on a plane ride last weekend. I was partly interested in it because I have a major crush on Cate Blanchett and I'm a big fan of director Richard Linklater. I'd heard the book was good so I gave it a go. Holy shit was this nothing what I expected. Now, it might've been my fault for assuming the plot - but the trailers made it seem like we get to see an hour of Bernadette's life and then she disappears and the rest of the movie are her friends/family/neighbors out looking for her and figuring out where she went... I mean, this isn't a terrible assumption, right? Look at the fucking title of the movie!!! Nope. We know exactly where she goes. We know why she goes. And the looking for her section of the film could've only been about 20 minutes of its slog of a runtime. Now, that alone isn't enough to warrant putting this movie on the list. The movie itself is AWFUL. It's rich white people, with rich white people problems, and a rich white male consistently GASLIGHTING his wife for an ENTIRE FILM and at the end she's like - oh, I love you husband. At the end, during the dude's "change of heart" realization moment, he literally says "She stopped creating art. How did I ever let her do that?" IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, ASSHOLE! Oh, man, did I hate this movie.


6. Murder Mystery

Putting an Adam Sandler movie on a Worst Of list is as expected and cliche as nominating Meryl Streep for literally any performance she does. But this is less an indictment of Sandler as it is of Jennifer Aniston and the writer of Murder Mystery. Aniston is a respected actress who normally chooses juicy/funny roles in good movies. She's a powerhouse. And even her first dip in the Adam Sandler pool wasn't too bad. Just Go With It is a very stupid movie, but at least it's funny. Murder Mystery is anything but. And for Adam Sandler movies it's actually not as bad as the last ten years. But for Aniston it's pretty horrendous. It's mostly just boring. There's nothing overly funny. There's nothing overly exciting. There's especially nothing clever. It's just a piece of slightly burnt white toast that's been left out for a few days. It's not gonna kill you - but you shouldn't fucking eat it. Oh - and the writer. He wrote Zodiac. Yeah. Shame on you, sir.


5. The Fanatic

You have no idea what this movie is. And that's good. You still have a piece of innocence attached to your soul that I have otherwise lost. Suffice it to say it's my fault. I knew what it was. But it was out of sheer morbid curiosity that led me to watching this monstrosity. John Travolta made a movie directed by Fred Durst. Yes. That Fred Durst. Red hat. Douchebag. Nookie. Limp Bizkit Fred fucking Durst. They made a movie together. And Travolta has a mullet. Like I said. It's my own fault. But if you want to travel that cinematic river styx as well - it's on Amazon Prime.


4. Aladdin

Disney is literally so afraid of making anything new that they've stopped making crappy sequels to their humongous catalogue of films and started making live-action remakes of their cartoons. It made sense when it was Cinderella. It was kinda cool to see Beauty and the Beast. Now... it's just insane. Not only do the original writers/creators of the animated classics get literally zero compensation from the mouse house, but these movies are straight up garbage. Aladdin is one of my all time favorite Disney movies. Going into it I was most worried about Will Smith bastardizing a role that Robin Williams made iconic. What happened after was me realizing that Will Smith actually did a fantastic job - it's everything else that was hot wet garbage. The chemistry between the two leads was non-existent. Jafar - one of the scariest cartoon villains - was cartoonishly un-scary in this. The song and dance numbers were boring. The acting was bad. The writing was bad. But somehow they managed to mush a collection of live action scenes from an animated movie and put it together to call it a movie. Honestly, after awhile it was just embarrassing to watch.


3. X-Men: Dark Phoenix

I'm going to ask you to go back and remember a couple of things. First, remember when the first round of X-Men movies culminated in The Last Stand - that terrible third movie about Jean Grey getting turned evil and eventually into Phoenix? Okay. Keep that in your brain. Now... remember when they rebooted X-Men with First Class and Days of Future Past and it seemed like there was new life in these movies and characters? They were fun. They got A-listers who wanted to be there. Sure, Apocalypse was a misstep, but they had another movie to make up for it. Okay. Now keep THAT in your brain. Finally, do you remember when they thought it was a great idea to remake The Last Stand? With the same guy who wrote The Last Stand? I don't know why... maybe to give him another shot at redemption? And then they even let him direct it? And then he somehow in his infinite wisdom... made the same movie... even worse??? And all but killed the entire franchise? There are a lot of different people to blame for this grotesque eyesore of a film, but mostly I just blame white dudes. Women directors get offered almost nothing in Hollywood, especially when it comes to the big summer tentpole movies. But a white dude who epically failed the first time gets ANOTHER CHANCE to write the same movie again instead of giving it to someone who deserves it... white dudes are to blame. As always.


2. Glass

Once upon a time, there was a director named M. Night Shyamalan. He splashed onto the scene with The Sixth Sense - an instant classic. He followed it up with the just-as-clever, but underrated Unbreakable. He made a few more movies, but seemed to lose the mojo he had with the first two and eventually went away for a few years. Then he came back with Split, which was both clever and terrifying and - twist! - a sequel to Unbreakable. The dude was back! And they let him write his third and final movie of the trilogy - Glass. This was supposed to be the epic conclusion to two of his best and smartest films. So, what happened? I'm still trying to figure that out. It wasn't clever. It wasn't scary. It wasn't insightful. It was overly long. It was frought with a slow-pace and strange dialogue. And it ended in the most anti-climactic and frustrating way possible. (A puddle of water?! Seriously?!) If Unbreakable and Split are the equivalent of Terminator and T2... Glass is Norbit.


1. The Cats trailer

Let's put aside the fact that we all know Cats is the absolute, hands-down worst movie of the year. It has to be. I haven't even seen it and it has to be. Why? Because the trailer for Cats is worse than any movie I saw in all of 2019. It's the stuff nightmares are made of. I haven't slept right since. I haven't been able to look at an animal the same way again. I never thought something could actively ruin Judi Dench. It takes a significant amount of people to help make a movie go from inception to finished product released to the masses - and not one person saw what was happening and was like, "uhh... guys... what's going on here?" No one had the wherewithal to say, "hey fellas... people really went apeshit when that Sonic the Hedgehog trailer came out and Sony went and fixed him... you think we should...? Cuz it's pretty creepy...? No? I'll just go fuck myself? I'll just go fuck myself."


DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: The Lion King, Happy Death Day 2U, Yesterday, The Intruder, Isn't It Romantic