I'd seen Prometheus in theaters back in 2012 and I didn't hate it, but I was certainly let down and underwhelmed. I watched it again a few days ago to prepare myself for Alien: Covenant and I hated it a lot more. The film is a literal mess. So many questions are asked throughout the film that go unanswered on purpose. So many illogical plot elements wrapped around a gorgeous-looking film. They spent so much time attempting (and completely failing at) intellectual stimulation that they forgot to entertain. I was hoping most of what failed Prometheus would be rectified by Alien: Covenant... and some was. However, by the end, you'll realize they fell into the same snare as its predecessor.
We are ten years past the timeline of Prometheus and on a new ship, the Covenant, headed for a planet ready for human colonization. Still seven years from the arrival date, a sonic flare wakes up the crew (and legitimately fries James Franco to a crisp in his hibernation chamber -- not a spoiler... this is basically the opening scene of the movie). They have to fix the ship in order to get back to sleep. However, while doing so, they receive a transmitted message from a planet they've never seen before that appears to also be able to sustain human life. With their captain out of commission (seriously... Franco dies before he can even smile... what was the point?!) the new captain makes an executive decision to land on the planet and scope it out for their colonization. I guess it makes sense to make a snap decision like this without much planning or, you know, science behind it because... well this one's closer. They land on the planet... discover the ship from Prometheus, discover the David android (Michael Fassbender) and shit starts to go awry. Aliens find themselves spawning through humans, and just like the original Alien, begin bursting out of people's chests and eating the shit out of the crew.
Unlike Prometheus, this film is very entertaining. If you can somehow go into brain-shut-off mode, and stop questioning the many, many plotholes along the way... you can actually have a good time. I was even able to accomplish this for 2/3rds of the film and I was genuinely entertained/invested. There is even a good level of high tension in the film. Alien: Covenant is a lot more like the first two Alien films than Prometheus, which we can all agree was a nonsensical bore. Aliens stalk the crew on the ship taking them out one by one with grotesque results. All of this (mostly) works within the scope of the film. Plus, there's the looming threat of the "evil android" (a running theme in the Alien films) and Fassbender does such a great job with the dual android roles of David and Walter that he's legitimately terrifying. Fassbender has actually been the shining light throughout both films. The entertainment factor here is a solid 9/10.
However... that's really all that it is. Had Michael Bay directed the film... it would've been considered above average for him. But, he's never been one of the "thinking man's" directors. But, the fact that it's Ridley Scott at the helm, and he's held in such high regard and esteem in the director's chair... I can't commend him for producing something merely entertaining without any substance. The thrills are there... but they're basically just updated thrills we've already seen in Alien and Aliens. It's nerve-wracking to watch an alien burst through the chest cavity of a human being... but it's been nerve-wracking for nearly 40 years... because we've seen it already. There's nothing new here. There's tension in the hunt and kills of our main alien... but everything happens so quickly and so frenetically that it's hard to tell exactly what's going on. Beyond some crunching noises and some blood spray... nothing else is that decipherable. A few times in the film there were kills that I didn't even know who got killed. And by the end of the film, you'll realize just how predictable everything really was.
Prometheus asked a lot of questions we didn't get any answers to. Alien: Covenant attempts to answer a few of these questions (as well as provide a very shitty and basic reason for Guy Pierce's casting as an old man instead of an actual old man), but it still can't quite climb out of it's own ass. Prometheus tries desperately to disguise itself as something deeply thought-provoking and philosophical and this doesn't necessarily disappear in Covenant. While still trying to get you to ponder deeply about the very existence of humanity... it ensnares itself in its own muddled mythology and provides nothing but bogged down scenes of explanatory dialogue that don't progress the story or make much damn sense. Alien succeeded because it was terrifying and it was able to blend genres as well as incorporate great writing with great actors. This is what I was hoping Covenant would be.
The other problem both sequels have is that there is no one to get invested in. Other than the fact that all of the "scientists" in the movie are complete morons (hey let's not worry about helmets, and let's trample some foreign plants while trying to sneak a cigarette), all of the characters are one-dimensional, minus the Fassbenders. We get a very surface level backstory and look into each character and we're basically supposed to judge them on whether or not they're kind or dicks (no one in these movies is smart, so we're definitely not judging them on their intelligence). Nearly everyone in the movie is married and NO ONE had any chemistry with their significant other. All we got was the identifier (hey... crewperson #2 is my wife! Stay away from my wife, you rascal!) I liked Danny McBride's character Tennessee... because I like Danny McBride, not because it was a good character. Tennessee is exactly who you think he is-- a swearin', drinkin', cowboy hat wearin', southern pilot. He's a caricature, not a character... but I like him because he's Danny McBride. The characters in the original films have substance and we genuinely root for them when they're on the offensive and we fear for them when they're on the defensive. Crewmembers get killed left and right here and not only is it difficult to tell which ones are being offed when... it's even more difficult to care. If the Scott had spent as much time on character as he does on a single scene of one Fassbender robot teaching a second Fassbender robot how to play a wooden flute... the movie might've been a little better.
Like I said... it's entertaining and it's much, much better than Prometheus (I mean... at least this one had actual Aliens). But, when it comes to Ridley Scott... I'm not just looking for entertainment... I'm looking for substance as well. And when I say substance I don't mean a shoddy attempt to answer a philosophical question about the true meaning behind human life... I mean something with even some semblance of coherence. The last twenty minutes or so show signs of life and really resemble that of a true Alien film, but even during the climax there are some seriously laughable moments and it doesn't necessarily feel that powerful. I'd really like this prequel nonsense to get put to bed... or at the very least, just focus on trying to scare the wits out of us and finally connect us to Sigourney Weaver's timeline. It's getting better... it's just not there yet. I'm not even sure where "there" is because for "there" to be the end game... it's best to start with an actual point.
C
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