Welcome back to summer movies. It's the time when all we get are big-budget popcorn sequels and pummeled with superheroes, special effects, and very little characterization. However, there are always surprising sequels that look bad, terrible movies that look good, little indie films that sneak in to give us a break from all of the explosions, and a few movies that stand out among the rest. It's going to be a loud slog through Summer, but suffice it to say that this summer looks much more promising than anything released last year.
BEST UPCOMING:
5/19
Alien: Covenant
I wasn't really a fan of Prometheus, but I'm a huge fan of Alien and Aliens. Alien: Covenant, judging by trailers only, looks more like the original Alien, focusing on the terror of a giant, stalking alien in space, than the struggling philosophical approach of Prometheus. It's got a good cast, and Michael Fassbender is back to accompany our alien enemy and, hopefully, scare the living shit out of us. While I don't expect this movie to be mind-blowingly amazing, I am expecting to be thoroughly entertained.
6/9
It Comes At Night
I honestly don't know much about this movie. I watched the sixty second trailer that was a collage of snippets of terror. I have intentionally avoided any further information about this movie because I believe the best horror movies are ones you go into blindly. Horror is a weird genre, in that there are a lot more bad ones than good ones... but this movie is already being highly regarded as one of the most terrifying movies of the year. That's all I need to hear. Hopefully it lives up to the hype.
6/16
Rough Night
One of my favorite movies from the 90s is one that is very underrated. It's called Very Bad Things and is an extremely dark comedy about a bachelor party in Vegas where is stripper is accidentally killed. The group of neurotic friends end up burying her in the desert, wind up letting their consciences get the better of them and most wind up dead themselves. It's unbelievably dark, but equally hilarious. Rough Night is essentially the same plot, but from the female perspective. It already looks wonderfully funny... let's just hope they can keep it as dark. Judging by the trailer... it looks like they might.
The Book of Henry
This is a weird one. The trailer for this movie tells me that they're marketing the movie in such a way that they're trying to make you feel like it's a suspenseful thriller. However, the posters and loglines for the movie suggest otherwise. I'm putting this movie in "Best Upcoming" solely on the basis of its cast, its director (who shat the bed with Jurassic World, but slayed it with Safety Not Guaranteed), and the fact that Focus Features rarely puts out a bad film. Hopefully I'm right with this one. Either way, it definitely looks intriguing.
6/23
The Big Sick
This is that movie I was talking about... that little indie movie that gives you a breath of fresh air among the slew of CGI explosions and Michael Bay'd-ness. Kumail Nanjiani has already established himself as a comedic staple within the sphere of the fantastic Silicon Valley. Here, he brings us an almost autobiographical story about the way he met is real-life wife. Produced by Judd Apatow, The Big Sick looks like a great movie that has already generated a significant amount of buzz. Believe it or not, this is one movie I'm looking forward to almost the most this summer.
The Bad Batch
It's being described as a dystopian love story featuring cannibals. I mean... if that doesn't sell you (which it should) the cast will definitely sell you. Coming from the director of the incredible A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, Jason Momoa, Keanu Reeves, and Jim freakin' Carrey populate this movie that looks like a combination of Mad Max and... um... something we have yet to see. Seriously, if you haven't heard of this movie yet... I encourage you to seek out its trailer.
6/30
Baby Driver
It's funny, Baby Driver doesn't actually look that great to me. If it wasn't helmed by one of my favorite directors (the fantastic Edgar Wright, the man behind Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and Scott Pilgram), I'd probably dismiss it as another angsty-teen movie that will be forgotten as quickly as it is released. But, there are moments in the film that look very Edgar Wright-y, and I'll never be one to question his casting decisions as long as he's written the script and is behind the camera. Also, it's already got a 100% on RT with a few reviews already praising the movie as something Edgar Wright could use as his new staple. I have no doubt this movie will be perfect.
7/7
Spider-man: Homecoming
I know I've bitched over and over at how tired I am at the Marvel craze. I'm even especially tired of Spider-man. I never even saw the last Andrew Garfield one. But, you can't deny that the new incantation of Spider-man isn't the most charming of anyone cast in that role. Paired with Robert Downey Jr. and allowing Michael Keaton to come on as the bad guy... well, there's just no way I can throw this movie anywhere else on this list. However, it does kind of get under my skin a little bit how much the poster is trying to channel the inner-Deadpool-ness. Marvel isn't going anywhere. So, for now, this is my "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" phase. It will be short lived.
7/14
War For The Planet Of The Apes
You know, these movies never look that great to me when the trailers are first released. They become even less appealing when you start to seriously sit down and actually think about the plot. It's even more ridiculous once you've digested that these are movies about humans vs. monkeys and that still in 2017 studios are dropping huge bucks on these movies. But, they're all pretty good. They somehow get a good cast involved, the CGI is mesmerizing, and the story is very engaging. War For the Planet of the Apes is particularly striking to me because now, we actually have a true human villain played by Woody Harrelson. That's enough to encourage me to buy a ticket.
7/21
Dunkirk
I don't think this even needs to be stated, but this is the movie I'm the most excited about this year. I know, for some reason, people are tired of Christopher Nolan-- but this is a good thing. When you're constantly heralded as the best director of the time... you're gonna get some haters simply because you're that good. I was momentarily thrown off by the PG-13 rating for a war film, but hearing Nolan defend this choice and explaining it's more of a character-driven suspense film rather than an actual Saving Private Ryan-esque war film... I have faith this will no doubt be the best movie of the summer.
7/28
Atomic Blonde
Charlize Theron is a bonafide badass. Atomic Blonde looks like a female John Wick and there's honestly no better casting choice of a female John Wick-esque character to helm a hand-to-hand fighting, gun-blasting, f-bomb-dropping assassin action movie than Theron. It looks to be a hard R-rated movie that will give any other "summer film" a run for its money in the most entertaining movie of the year category. Don't get me wrong, I'm probably going to love Dunkirk more than any other movie, but I doubt I will be entertained by anything more than Atomic Blonde.
8/4
The Dark Tower
Stephen King's seven book fantasy epic The Dark Tower series appeared to be un-filmable. However, Ron Howard's company has accepted the challenge. It's going to be a tough go at it, but they've already made the correct steps in casting Idris Elba as the Gunslinger hero and McConaughey as the Man in Black villain. The first glimpse of the trailer also offers a very promising movie. However, I believe it's going to hinge on how balls-out the movie decides to go. If it offers a watered-down PG-13 version of King's story, it's probably going to fail. But if we get the bloody, no-holds-barred version, then we may just be in for a treat.
8/11
Annabelle: Creation
I know what you're thinking-- why in the hell would I ever throw this into the list of best movies coming out this summer... especially when the first Annabelle film was absolute trash? Here's why: David F. Sanberg. He's the guy who broke onto the horror scene with the good Lights Out. We already know he has the horror chops needed to make a scary movie with a very scary prop. Also, it's rated R. It's not some teeny-bopper PG-13 joke... this is going to channel The Conjuring and, hopefully, scare the living piss out of us.
8/18
The Hitman's Bodyguard
In all likelihood, this movie is probably going to be pretty underwhelming. But an action-comedy, buddy movie with an F-bomb shouting Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds should be nothing less than a hilariously fun ride. However, movies like this tend to be less than what we as moviegoers desire when it comes to the idea of entertainment and fun. Here's to hoping it exceeds expectations.
WORST UPCOMING:
6/23
Transformers: The Last Knight
I know this is going to come as a shock to all of you that the fifth Transformers movie makes the Worst Upcoming portion of the list-- especially with such talent like Mark Whalberg and Anthony Hopkins attached... but, alas, it's true. There hasn't been a good Transformers film since the first one (shut up) and there hasn't been an entertaining one since the second one. They're just loud, obnoxious, and unintelligible Michael Bay load-shots. This one will not be any different.
6/30
Amityville: The Awakening
This movie was slated to come out in January of 2016!!! And it had already been shelved for a year before that. These are all signs that this movie is going to be nothing short of an actual mess. I mean, for one, isn't it going to look strange that Bella Thorne is in this movie back when she was an actual child? It's also PG-13 and at this point, it appears that the studios are just trying to recoup the lost money they spent on this literal mistake. Pass.
7/14
Wish Upon
Oh, I hate these summer horror movies. They're cheap cash grabs like Ouija that don't respect its genre, definitely don't respect its audience, and pander literally only to teenagers looking to pull the ol' dick-in-the-popcorn date rape trick on their ("un")suspecting future prom date. I mentioned earlier that I'm excited for the new Annabelle movie because I have faith in the director... well, the director of Wish Upon is directed by the dude who helmed the first Annabelle film. This does not bode well for anyone.
7/21
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
It might be that I'm just so sick of seeing this preview, or the fact that Luc Besson hasn't directed a good movie since The Fifth Element, but even if this movie has a halfway decent plot and story and characters and acting... these movies don't produce anymore. There is no audience for it like there used to be. It will be released, it will lose a lot of money, and it will put a stop to any and all sequels that are inevitably being discussed at this moment. If that doesn't convince you, may I remind you of a little "gem" called Ender's Game?
Girls Trip
Rough Night is to Very Bad Things as Girls Trip is to The Hangover II. Where Rough Night looks like a clever spin on a dark comedy, Girls Trip looks like a lazy reincarnation of a trilogy that died the second anyone mentioned sequel. There's literally nothing appealing in the trailer and I couldn't even crack a smile at the attempted "jokes" made. I'm also telling you this has nothing to do with the all-female cast (because, seriously, they should be making more of these types of movies), but don't waste it on lazy writing and obvious jokes of boners and bodily fluids. I expected more from every member of this cast.
8/4
Midnight Sun
There's not even a trailer for this maniuplative mess, but something tells me that a movie starring (chuckle) Patrick Schwarzenegger and Bella Thorne, being described as Nicolas Sparks' version of The Fault in our Stars... isn't going to be cinematic genius. Oh, Bella Thorne... on the worst list twice... I guess that's what you get for starting your career in an Adam Sandler movie.
UPCOMING WILDCARDS:
5/12
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
Just like Valerian and any space movies involving pre-teens, there really isn't a market for movies like King Arthur anymore. Just ask Russell Crowe and his Robin Hood remake. But, there is the wildcard factor of Guy Ritchie behind the camera. It could effectively turn a very forgettable and mediocre film that we've seen too many times into something fresh and exciting and new. We'll have to wait and see.
Snatched
I really enjoy Amy Schumer, both as a comedian and a comedic actor. I thoroughly enjoyed her film debut in Trainwreck, but this one looks like the cash-grab movie and not a movie written with any passion or heart. But, she's always cracked me up and there's something about it that brought Goldie Hawn out of retirement, so there could be something there. File this one into cautiously optimistic.
5/26
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
I must be a glutton for punishment because I actually enjoy all of the Pirates movies. I can't actually say that they're all good... but I do enjoy them. However, they've become a bit repetitive and the Jack Sparrow character is the same song and dance without really any growth over the span of four, now five, movies. But, it has a lot going for it. First, there's always the delight of Javier Bardem taking the role of villain in any movie. Then, there's also the news of Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley making appearances in this movie which may... just may... fix the major problem EVERYONE had with the ending of the third movie. If all of that comes together, it might actually revitalize the franchise. If not... it could be dead in the water. Puns are fun.
Baywatch
I really, really want this movie to be good! It's a raunchy action-comedy starring one of the most likable people in Hollywood-- The Rock. However, it's being directed by one of the guys who directed Horrible Bosses, a premise that should've been a home run, but wound up a bit underwhelming. There's also Zac Efron. He showed a lot of comedic promise with his roles in the Neighbors films, but he also had Seth Rogen with him to funny everything up. The movie doesn't look great, but it's such a likable cast and a decent premise that I really want it to be good. Chances are, though, that it'll have a few decent laughs, but really not give us anything more than that.
6/2
Wonder Woman
Okay, DC... you better not mess this one up. This is legitimately the FIRST superhero movie starring a woman. So far, the advertising for the movie hasn't been great. I haven't seen this advertised very aggressively at all and the trailers are seriously just kinda blah. This could be a great thing for women in Hollywood, but given DC's track record and their apathetic attitude toward the movie so far... I don't have high expectations. The hopes are high... but damn if it has everything stacked against it.
6/9
The Mummy
Unlike Wonder Woman, I seriously hope this movie flops. I'm a purist, okay? I realize that Brendan Fraser's version of The Mummy was also a remake, but that's one of the most fun monster movies ever made. It still holds up today (I know this because I watch it at least once a year). The fact that Universal has begun its own Marvel-esque universe (with monsters instead of superheroes) and have decided to eliminate Fraser's movie from the list in favor of a reboot kinda pisses me off. So, I want it to fail. However, go look at Tom Cruise's last ten movies. He's on a roll. So... it's probably going to be pretty decent. But, if Fraser doesn't at least get a cameo in this movie... I'm writing it off immediately as a total loss.
6/16
All Eyez On Me
I came very close to putting this movie on the Upcoming Best list, but there's just something about biopics of famous 90s rap artists that don't really succeed lately. First, we got the Biggie movie Notorious which was an all-around mess that gave the least honest depiction of a great artist. Then there was Straight Outta Compton, which wasn't bad, but it also didn't submit an honest look into the lives of these people. While the actor playing Tupac looks spot-on, if we're going to be given a movie that praises the man without acknowledging all of his flaws, we're going to be cheated once again. I hope this isn't the case, because the movie looks great.
47 Meters Down
I have no idea if this movie is even going to hit actual theaters, but damn does it look intense. It's a great premise and the trailer shows plenty of suspense and thrills and action to keep anyone who enjoys these types of movies invested throughout. I worry about the PG-13 rating because anyone who likes shark-attack movies knows we like to see a gory shark mauling... however, we were given The Shallows last year... that was PG-13 and was a very well put together movie.
6/30
Despicable Me 3
This one I almost actually put on the Upcoming Worst list because I've never really been a fan of the Despicable Me movies. The premise is there, but what's been presented to us is more obnoxious than funny. And now, especially, they're relying too heavily on the Minions (who have far overstayed their welcome) lately that the funny aspects of these films are almost entirely gone. The wildcard here for me is one Trey Parker. The leader of the South Park movement is lending his voice to the villain of the film and there is the smallest of chances (especially if he had any input in the script) that the movie could actually be funny. Then again, Louis CK was a part of The Secret Life of Pets and that movie was just upsettingly bad.
The House
I love Amy Poehler. I love Will Ferrell. It's been too long since either have been in our theaters. And while I don't totally buy the plot of this film as something that could be downright hilarious, it will be nice to see the two of them again in a raunchy comedy that, if nothing else, will serve as a nice distraction from the Summer heat and provide a few side-splitting laughs. I mean, it can't be worse than Daddy's Home could it?
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