--Let's address the elephant in the room right off the bat... Piper is awful. Her character never really started off that great, but now it's bad to an almost unintentionally hilarious degree. She is what the story revolves around. Yes, it's an ensemble cast, but the focus of the show, the entire premise of the show, is how this young girl has to survive being in prison-- a place she's never been and probably shouldn't be in the first place. So, the first season she's scared, and sad, and angry and there's drama with inmates and especially her former lover, Alex. Her meekness and trying to get by but always somehow finding drama continued into season two, but she was still kinda bearable. Now, in season three, not only is she not the focal point of the story, but the chick turns out to be a real heartless bitch. She not only has adjusted to prison, but it's turned her into a criminal. Let's overlook the fact that the stealing panties and selling them illegally plotline was a little bit far-fetched... it should never have been run by Piper. Then, and yes this is a spoiler, in the last episode, she completely fucks over a girl she was in love with... for life... by sending her to maximum security prison... and framing her with a very obvious amount of planted contraband... and didn't even bat an emotional eye on the situation. And still, somehow, she manages to bitch and complain about the most white girl shit throughout the season. Piper was never supposed to become a prison genius. She was never supposed to become a villain. In Breaking Bad, they managed to turn this sad pitied chemistry teacher into one of the greatest super villains of all time. Yes, it was jarring and sort of emotionally confusing to watch him start to become evil, and then eventually the devil incarnate... but we still rooted for Walter White to succeed. I keep hoping for Piper to get shanked 18 times in the kidneys with a knife made out of jolly ranchers.
--Ruby Rose... as hot as she may be, was a very awkwardly inserted character into the show. So, instead of being a new inmate or transfer, we're supposed to just believe that she was always there. A gorgeous, tatted up, English chick that no one seemed to notice the first two and a half years of the show was just... always there. Then, by happenstance, she meets up with Piper and ruins her relationship with Alex. No. I'm sorry, but this is feeling just a little bit too season three of Dexter for me. And wow, look at that, Alex and Piper are having the SAME fights again. You put me in prison and you lied about it... let's anger bang and then I'll get revenge. Wait, now you got your revenge and put me back in prison?? We're going to anger bang again and I'll get revenge on you this time. Can we seriously be done with Piper and Alex having the same fights for yet another season?
--Norma's cult. That went on twelve episodes too long, didn't it? It's a fun little idea for an episode, maybe two... but Norma, in the previous seasons, would never have let something that foolish to go on for that long. So, how do we explain it? Oh, Norma was in a cult and because she can't speak, is too foolish to see that it was a cult when everyone else did. It was an overly long excuse to make Leanne more and more awful.
--Crazy Eye's story that gets passed around the prison like wildfire ended up having a cutesy and decent ending, but this show has shown us (at least in the first two seasons) that it's a lot smarter than that. It felt like a very lazy, and again, overly long sub-plot.
--The pregnancy. It's been done. We've been dealing with it for three whole seasons now. It didn't need to go on this long yet again. We get it. Daya has intimacy issues because she has mommy issues. She has mommy issues because her mother is a raging ball of crazy. But, why, oh why, did we have Bennett just leave? The dude has stuck by her for two seasons and is genuinely one of the most caring and genuine characters on the show. The last time we see him, he fucking proposes! Then, like he was nothing, totally leaves Daya. He quits, leaves her, wants nothing to do with her (all of this is unseen like there's going to be some secretive reveal at the end of the season, except...) and they never show any of it. He's just written out of the show doing something so crazily uncharacteristic. What was the point of that? This was one of the bigger sub-plots of the series and it's just axed like it was nothing and we, the viewer, gets no closure.
--Oh, you don't like when one of the best characters gets haphazardly tossed from the show's narrative? Well, how about we get Nicky caught with drugs and sent to max and also kicked off the show as well??? Double fuck you!
--Lorna meeting with random internet/pen pal dudes and eventually marrying one doesn't pay off at all. She tricks him into loving her, beating up her ex, and then marrying him... um... where's the payoff? It felt forced and if it was taken out of the season, nothing would change.
--Caputo actually had the most interesting storyline of the whole season. Halfway through the season and I found myself only really giving a shit about Caputo having to deal with corporate bureaucrats trying to take over his prison and take away his power. Then, they spend a serious amount of time showing us what a great guy Caputo actually is and we end up liking the dude. Only for the last episode to happen and Caputo selfishly sells everyone out and 180s his character for us to ultimately hate him. Was it really that necessary?
--The inmates pretending to be Jewish so they don't have to eat the new cafeteria food was, again, funny at first and should've lasted only an episode, but it went on too long and felt like filler the writers came up with to take up time. And while I'm complaining... I love Red. She's one of my all time favorites on the show and she finally crawls her way back into the kitchen only to have the power taken away from her and she is left with nothing left to do but occasionally cook a decent meal from the garden. While it's a fine one-episode sub-plot, these storylines go on and on throughout the season and none of them are that particularly interesting.
--Okay, so, I'm not saying that the entire season was a failure. There were still some great sub-plots and characters to love. I still love Red (even though they gave her nothing to do), I absolutely love Big Boo and it was a pleasant watch when we found out her backstory. I love Poussey (but I didn't like the reversal of her following Norma and excluding Taystee, just like Taystee did with Vee in season two). And I thought getting an insight into the life and backstory of Caputo was great (up until he gave everyone watching the proverbial bird).
--I also thought that towards the end the tension between the two mothers (Gloria and Sophia) was very intriguing because both, at separate times, knew they were wronging the other, but survival and motherly instinct kicked in and kept them from admitting their faults. Then, the attack of Sophia was heartbreaking, but grounded the show and gave the viewer something close to realism and grabbed the interest back... especially considering what ultimately happens to Sophia.
--And, of course, Chang. I could watch an entire show starring Chang. Though her backstory was suuuuuuper messed up... it was one of the better ones of the season.
Other than that, the season fell really flat and I had to essentially force myself to keep interest in anything going on. It feels like its lost sight of its original intention, especially concerning Piper. They're reusing storylines, but reversing the characters involved. Yes, I get that we're watching inmates in a minimum security prison, and the amount of crazy and engaging shit that can go on is limited considering it's not full of murderers, but don't get lazy with the show. Don't change characters that have been give two years of set-up just to fill out a plot line that is minimally entertaining. And please... PLEASE... kill Piper. She's the absolute worst.
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