2 Guns: Okay, Alright, Say Hello To Your Mother For Me.

Ah, the buddy cop movie.  It's got to be one of the best sub-genres of film ever invented.  And for some reason, it always works better when it's racially mixed.  Films like Lethal Weapon, Rush Hour, 48 Hours, Men In Black, Die Hard: With a Vengeance are much better than racially equivalent Hollywood Homicide, Big Momma's House 2, Tango and Cash, and White Chicks.  Of course, there are a few that do defy both rules.  National Security, The Man, Double Team, Cop Out, I-Spy, Bulletproof, Showtime, and Miami Vice are all terrible movies.  But, we know that Bad Boys and Hot Fuzz are great. So, there are always exceptions.  Buddy cop movies are so awesome a sub-genre, they spawned their own sub-sub-genre.  The buddy cop-dog movie!  Movies like Turner and Hooch, K-9, and Top Dog.  Hell, there's even a buddy-cop-kid movie.  Remember Cop-And-A-Half?  So, pardon me if I gush for a moment over a genre that, when done right, can bring us a very pleasurable movie-going experience.

I know I harp a lot about plot and character and all of that nonsense when writing these reviews.  It's an important factor to me when I go to see a movie.  Even a movie such as Pacific Rim wasn't junky enough to warrant these factors escape from my mind when watching the film.  I need to like someone, don't I?  I can tell you one thing, though, when it comes to buddy-cop movies... you don't need it.  It's already there.  When you've got two dudes, who usually don't like each other in the beginning, are forced into a partnership, and end up becoming best friends... that's all the conflict and character you need, friend!  That's why the racial dynamic works so well.  Why do you think everyone and their mother loved the first Rush Hour?  It was a fast-talking black dude partnered up with a fast-kicking little Asian guy!  I mean, who the hell writes this stuff?  All you need is to put them into an unfamiliar situation, their cultures clash, add some bad guys trying to kill them... and the action-comedy ensues.  It's not rocket science, people!  And don't act like you're above the buddy cop movie, because you're not.  You like at least one of the movies I've mentioned (and chances are it's one of the dog ones.  Boo-ya!)

In 2 Guns, the buddy cop film is in fine fashion... mostly.  First, you've got Denzel Washington. Everyone loves Denzel.  Why?  I don't know how to even explain it.  He's got this charm that sucks you in, this voice that melts you, this smile/look that captures your attention and makes you fall in love with the man.  He's a great actor and he's quick witted.  He does whatever the hell he wants whenever the hell he wants because he doesn't have to make shit movies for a paycheck.  He gets to pick the movies that he wants to do whether or not he's decided he wants to win an Oscar this year or just have some fun blowing stuff up with a white dude.  That's why we love Denzel.  Then, you've got Mark Whalberg, who is slowly becoming just a charming as daddy D.  We already know Whalberg can act (*cough* The Departed), and we know he can make us laugh (The Other Guys, Ted), so he's won us over already.  Put these two together and you've got yourself a movie, fella!

So, what's 2 Guns about?  Well, to be honest, it doesn't even matter, but I'll try my best to relay what I gathered during the viewing.  Denzel and Marky are two criminals working for some Mexican douchebag who sells fake passports and cocaine.  They decide to rob his bank of three million dollars.  They do so.  They don't find three million dollars, they find forty three million and this gets them curious.  Marky shoots Denzel and takes off with the money.  Oh, yeah, and Denzel's not actually a criminal, he's an undercover DEA agent.  Oh, and I forgot, Marky's not a criminal either.  He was undercover working for the NAVY.  So, they both go back to say the other one is not a criminal and they're both double-crossed by their superiors.  Um... not sure why.  I think the NAVY is... um... nevermind, it hurts to think about.  Anyway, so money actually belonged to White douchebag who works for the CIA... I think.  Maybe they just said that.  Maybe I made it up.  So, Denzel and Marky have to work together to fight all the douchebags that are coming after them.

Where the movie fails in parts is when they separate the two in favor of [unimportant] exposition and an attempt at a plot.  Every time someone is trying to explain something new to one of the guys, you're sitting there just waiting for the scene to end so Marky and Denzel can get back together to making you laugh and kicking some ass.  The two have unbelievable chemistry together, and this might be one of the rare occasions that Mark Whalberg outshines Denzel in the movie.  Now, that's not to say daddy D doesn't hold his own, but Whalberg just looks like he's have such a blast, like a fat kid swimming in a chocolate pool.  Bill Paxton even does a good job as White Douchebag.  He's actually a little more menacing than you'd expect out of Paxton.  He's also not trying to be the guy that would get into a fistfight with either of these guys, because you know exactly whose ass would be pounded into the pavement.  He's just a guy that carries a gun, says horrible menacing shit, a few witty remarks, and then you're dead.  Simple as that.

Look, there's no point in arguing with me.  There's a little piece of you that wants to see this movie.  You're worried it's going to be stupid and lame and dumb and whatever.  But, I encourage you to listen to that little piece, because that piece... the part that has fun expectations... is correct.  You'll have a good time.  You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll shout, you'll be happy you went out to see it.  It's a decent movie - when the two are together.  Because, guess what, people... Denzel Washington doesn't make bad movies.  And you know you're looking for something to fill that buddy-cop void until Rush Hour 4 makes it to theaters in 20whatever.

B-