We Have To Talk About The Mummy Trailer

If you haven't seen it yet, there is a new trailer circling the webisphere.  No, I'm not talking about Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (which should be good IF Baby Groot isn't as annoying as I assume it's going to be).  I'm talking about Universal's unnecessary remake of The Mummy.  If you haven't seen it yet, please allow me to enlighten you before our discussion:

I've watched it three times now and I'm still not sure what that taste is in my mouth.  It's mostly anger and rage and probably a little tarter... but it might just boil down to confusion. I understand that Hollywood is completely against any sort of new idea (like, hey, maybe creating a new movie monster or creature that's as fun as The Mummy), and I also understand that they're starting their new expanded monster universe (like The Avengers but with old horror monsters).  What I'm upset at is the fact that they felt like the needed to remake an already great movie (unheard of, I know!) The Brendan Fraser movie, while imperfect, is a ton of fun. It's a cheesy and poorly acted and absolutely magnificent.  Sure, it was followed up by a pretty terrible sequel and an ABYSMAL third movie I refuse to acknowledge, but there are few movies like the first Mummy. 

Now we have Tom Cruise.  I have no problem with Tom Cruise.  He's a fucking ball of nuts, but most of his movies are good.  He's a very entertaining Hollywood figure who tends to choose very fun roles from mostly good scripts. Yet, this version of The Mummy doesn't look like fun.  It looks like Mission: Impossible meets The Mummy without any of the fun horror schlock that makes the 1999 version great. It's big CGI plane crashes and explosions and bus crashes and Russell Crowe and it doesn't look like anyone is having any fun.  It's cool to look at, sure, but there's a reason Brendan Fraser became mildly popular and famous after The Mummy is because it was such a FUN movie and he is such a FUN character.  Only after that movie did we learn that he's a terrible actor, but fun nonetheless.

Obviously this could be due to a poor edit of the trailer. An entire action sequence with a crashing plane has already been essentially spoiled (another annoying thing Hollywood is doing now), but I just didn't care.  To be fair, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for 1999's The Mummy and no matter how good (or bad) this one is, that one will always be my favorite.  I'm just upset that this new monster movie universe couldn't have just included the Brendan Fraser version.  It's a perfect enough movie and could've been the anchor for a new set of horror movies.  It's not like you couldn't still get Brendan Fraser...

The Most Magnificent Trailer of the Year

I rarely post trailers on here, just because it's hard to gauge a trailer and make an accurate prediction about the movie. There are a few movies coming out this year that have excellent trailers (The Conjuring 2, Central Intelligence, Independence Day: Resurgence, Suicide Squad) but don't necessarily mean that the movies will be all that great.  It's true that I'll probably see all of the aformentioned films, but I can't confidently tell you that they will be great movies.  There are, however, some trailers already this year that are awful that will accurately depict how TERRIBLE these movies will be (The Huntsman: Winter's War, Mother's Day, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, Warcraft).  However, this is the first trailer I've seen this year that looks FANTASTIC and that I can say, with the utmost confidence, that this movie will be stellar.

In a time when the western is making a helluva resurgence with films like Django Unchained, The Hateful Eight and Bone Tomahawk... this movie will be badass.  I urge you to take two minutes out of your day and watch this epic trailer for the upcoming remake of The Magnificent Seven.

7 Reasons World War Z Is Gonna Suck

The trailer for Max Brooks' book adaptation World War Z was released yesterday.  And, I'm not gonna lie... for as much as I wish it was going to be as awesome as it should be... it's gonna suck big thick ones.  Why?  Here's seven reasons:

1. Rewrites/Reshoots/Pushing back the date.  Z was originally scheduled for a November release.  However, due to crappy writing and crappy filmmaking getting noticed, the cast was called back for re-shoots and the film was delayed to next summer.  This is NEVER the sign of a good movie.

2. It looks nothing like the book.  The book was a beautiful follow-up satire to The Zombie Survival Guide.  This looks like your generic big-budget action movie with no story or heart.

3. Traditional zombies... like the ones Max Brooks writes about... are slow and creepy.  Not crazy Olympic runners from Uganda.  Fast zombies suck.

4. Ed Harris dropped out of the picture early on.  They say it was due to "scheduling conflicts"... yeah, right, Ed.

5. Since when has Brad Pitt made a good movie with his creepy long hair?  Troy?  Legends of the Fall?  Short hair Pitt is the only good Pitt.

6. Seriously though, it's almost 2013... why does the CGI zombie-pyramid look fake as hell??  I've seen good CGI.  I know we have the technology.  So why does it all look like we're still making I Am Legend?

7. Because I so desperately want it to be good.