Hereditary: You Will Probably Hate This Movie

Hello average moviegoer. Thanks for stopping by. You're here to see what all the hoopla is surrounding the new horror film hitting theaters this week Hereditary. You've seen a few trailers plastered with the phrase from critics "this generation's The Exorcist" and you're wondering if it's actually worth seeing. Well, average moviegoer, I've probably got some bad news for you. If you are the type of average moviegoer who dips into the horror genre with favorites like Annabelle or Insidious or Ouija or Paranormal Activity and consider them some of the best recent horror-- you're going to hate, nay LOATHE Hereditary. Remember how disappointed you were with It Follows? Remember when you turned out all the lights, grabbed a blanket to tuck your head into, popped some popcorn and climbed on the couch next to your giggly friends to watch The Babadook on Netflix and then turned it off halfway through because you were so bored? Remember when you went to Redbox to watch The Witch and then called their customer service line because you wanted your dollar back you hated it so much? Yeah. Hereditary is just like that. A24, the production company behind most of those movies, has made a name for themselves with unconventional horror movies. But they're not YOUR horror movies. Don't worry though... Blumhouse is just a few months away from giving you the movie that you're looking for. So, please, for the sake of us horror-morons who enjoy the disturbing, eerie, unsettling nature of A24's horror films, don't see this movie. Don't go with a bunch of your dickhead friends and laugh during all the tense moments and joke about the plot as you exit the theater. Find a dollar theater near you, buy yourselves a couple of dollar hot dogs with a cup of nacho cheese to dip it in and go see Truth or Dare again. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Are you still with me? You are?! Great! That means traditional horror fare just isn't enough for you and you're looking for terror among the outer rim of the genre. Hereditary will give you everything you need. IF you're patient. I'm talking VERY patient. I'm talking if you didn't love The Witch or The Shining or Rosemary's Baby then you might not like this movie. I fully expect the critic score of this film to be very high and the audience score to be significantly lower. It's what one might refer to as cerebral horror. It's the slow burn that disturbs more than scares. It's unnerving rather than freaky. It's going to haunt you a lot harder after you leave the theater than while you watch it. And that, my friends, is what I call good horror. While Hereditary might not be this generation's The Exorcist, it is a gift from the horror gods. It's been almost a day since I've seen the movie and it hasn't left my head. I keep thinking back to all the early scenes in the movie. Scenes that seemed innocuous-- that didn't appear to have a point and it all connects back with the conclusion perfectly. Haunting imagery from the film plagues my brain as I keep making connections back to minute details from the beginning. It's a film that isn't going to leave me for a good long while.

I'm not going to tell you anything about Hereditary other than what you're expecting is 100% NOT what you're going to see. Whatever your preconceived notions are for this film, leave them at the door because your expectations WILL be shattered. And, if you're not sitting there the entire time trying to "figure it all out", you're going to find yourself immersed in the movie and you're in for a much more disturbing ride. First time director Ari Aster crafts a seriously unsettling psychological horror drama centralized around a family and the emotional toil of the events surrounding their lives. The sets, the cinematography, the music, the sound mixing, the artwork-- all of it combines to make one dreadful experience-- and I mean that in the best way possible. His movie isn't spoonfed to you and it isn't about ghosts popping out of the shadows and jump scaring you. It's about ambiance. It's about lingering dread. It's about trying to figure out which part of the screen to focus on and worrying about what's on the other side. It's a damn near mastercraft in horror with a dude who's just put out his first movie. However, none of it would've come to glorious fruition without the work of its wonderful cast. Toni Collette is fantastic as the troubled mother. Horror movies often get overlooked for Oscars, but they were paying attention for Get Out. Hopefully they're paying attention now. She brings some much needed depth to her character as a broken mother whose emotional agony trickles down to each member of her family as they slowly each become broken in their own way. It's certainly not an easy movie to watch. And newcomer, child actor Milly Shapiro, will chill you to your freakin bones. Expect to see her around much more often. I wouldn't be surprised if the Stranger Things guys don't snatch her up for an upcoming season.

I want to tell you guys why I loved this movie. I want to discuss some of the more fucked up moments of the film with you and go on and on and on about the ending. I want to see it again because I know I didn't catch nearly half of the clues and easter eggs littered around the first half of the film. But I also don't want to ruin anything for you. I want you to go into this movie with zero expectations and just immerse yourself into it. Don't try to get scared. Just enjoy the film. And by "enjoy", I mean get ready for a nightmarish wild ride that's probably going to take some sort of pharmaceutical relief for you to ever be able to sleep again. Enjoy irresponsibly, friends.

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