Summer movie funtime is almost upon us again, movie fans. We love summer movies because we get big production value, sequels to movies that don't need sequels, little indie movies that pop up and quietly make decent money that end up being the best movies of summer, and gems that look terrible but wind up being good. So, once again, here is your summer movie guide to what you should see, what you should stay away from and what you should do a little bit of research on before you take the Dwayne Johnson-sized leap to the theater. And now, without further adieu...
BEST UPCOMING:
5/4
Tully
Our friends Jason Reitman (Up in the Air, Juno) and Diablo Cody (Juno, Young Adult) are back with another comedy together. Separate, they've had some interesting career decisions, but they really work best when together. Young Adult was a very underrated dark comedy, and it looks like they're taking that energy for Tully. A story about an over-worked mom (Charlize Theron) who, in need of a break, gets a new nanny named Tully. There's the hint that it's going to be a bit of an R-rated Mary Poppins thing going on, but either way-- early buzz has it that this movie is as funny as it is equally heartbreaking.
5/18
Deadpool 2
I have to say... I was seriously won over by the first Deadpool movie. Little did we know that we, the oversaturated Marvel audience, needed a movie that not only upped the violence, but called out all the other cliches from Marvel movies in general. The way the character Deadpool can be such a snarky asshole, full of raunchiness and vulgarity, all the while breaking the fourth wall and telling you why his movie is better (or not as funded) as other Marvel movies is such a fun thing to watch. Finally, with a bigger budget and a better bad guy, I'm willing to say this is probably going to be the best superhero movie of the year that doesn't involve Black Panther.
6/8
Hereditary
I'm going to be honest with you-- I don't know much about this movie other than what the trailers have shown. But I've heard it's supposed to be scary and disturbing as all hell. It's being heralded as The Exorcist of this generation (as most sub-par horror movies are), but from the trailer I can tell you it already looks balls-to-the-wall f**ked up! A24, the company releasing the movie, does a good job with horror. They're like a darker, more gritty, more gruesome Blumhouse productions. With The Witch and The Babadook already in their arsenal, I'm willing to take the leap and say this is going to be another horror staple for an already reliable company.
6/15
Incredibles 2
I'll be honest with you-- I wasn't a huge fan of The Incredibles. I didn't think it was one of Pixar's weaker entries like Cars is, but I just wasn't really sold on the whole movie. I thought while it was particularly well done, it was a little on the boring side. However, Pixar has been on a roll lately and there's no reason to suspect this movie is going to be any different. I almost put this one in the Wildcard section, but if you can't trust Pixar to give us one of the best movies of Summer, then who can you trust?
6/29
Sicario 2: Day of the Soldado
Here comes the onslaught of sequels, people. Most of them look mediocre at best, but there will be a few that surpass the challenge of being an inferior movie. Sicario 2 looks like it knows exactly what it needs to be. Benecio Del Toro, a side role in the first movie, was the best character of the movie. So, the natural progression of things is-- if you're going to make a sequel... make it about him. Sure, it's sad we're losing Emily Blunt, but the problem with the first film is they didn't know what to do with her in the first place. Following Del Toro, now facing his ally from the first film Josh Brolin, is going to give us a gritty, dirty, violent, and overall exciting sequel. Hopefully.
7/6
The First Purge
This definitely has to be the first time I've put a Purge movie in the Best Upcoming section. While The Purge movies have all been great ideas, most of the time the execution just isn't there. The last one-- Purge: Election Day was the closest we got to a great Purge film. But this one... this one looks extraordinary. Judging by the poster alone, it's clearly going to be an indictment of our current presidency. And judging by the trailer, it looks like they know exactly what they're aiming for. If the purge was an actual thing-- OF COURSE it would be used to systematically wipe out all minority figures in this country and target people of color. DUH. The fact that the filmmakers know this gives the movie all kinds of chances at political commentary, while being a solid thriller too. They also got Marissa Tomei, a real movie star, to join the film, so there had to be something in the script that stood out to her, no? Don't make me regret putting you up here, The First Purge, because I really don't want to be wrong about this.
7/13
Skyscraper
As much as you want to fight me on this, you know I'm gonna be right. The Rock, as we've seen with Rampage and Jumanji, can turn anything into solid gold. Now he's doing a movie where it's like a combination of The Towering Inferno and Die Hard, only he has a prosthetic leg?! I'm definitely in for that. Written and Directed by Rawson Thurber (Dodgeball, We're the Millers, Central Intelligence), he's already demonstrated he's a capable filmmaker and that he's got somewhat of a rapport with The Rock... I can't wait until I get to see this on the big screen. It could be the biggest turd wrapped in burnt hair... but The Rock will still make it come out smelling like roses.
7/20
The Equalizer 2
What I love about Denzel-- he gets to do whatever the hell he wants. He got to do Fences and he got to do Roman J. Israel... but now he wants to go back to being a badass action star... and we are all going to watch and love this movie. The reason I know it's going to be one of the best of summer is this is Denzel's first sequel he's ever been in. Ever. Dude has never been in one. So, for this to be the one to break that streak... and judging by the trailer alone... this movie is going to be just as good as the first one, if not better. The Rock can make any trash movie fun. Denzel can make ANY movie great. And I'm calling this one great.
7/27
Mission: Impossible - Fallout
Forget what you feel about Tom Cruise as a person. Think back-- what was the last Mission: Impossible movie to disappoint you? Probably the second one, right? I know at this point the last few kind of all run together, but they're very good movies. And in fact, this is one weird series of films that actually gets better with each movie. Cruise doing is own crazy stunts, the gagetry they keep coming up with, the "masks" concepts, and Simon Pegg as the comic relief-- these movies are awesome and there's no reason to think there's going to be a regression in quality now. They're doing the thing that the 007 movies are having a hard time keeping up with-- they're getting better with each passing film.
8/10
The Meg
Okay, so I can't tell you how I know this-- but I KNOW this movie is good. I will be able to reveal my "source" to you when the film finally comes out, but trust me when I tell you that The Meg is going to be the most fun at the movies this summer. Forget how terrible the poster is (seriously, the guy who created the poster for this movie should be fired immediately) and just understand and soak in what I'm about to tell you: it's Jason Statham versus a Megalodon shark. It's so much better than you think it's going to be and it's seriously just some great, great fun at the movies. You WILL enjoy this film. I promise.
WORST UPCOMING:
5/4
Overboard
First, let me ask you-- do you know that this movie is a remake? If you had to- could you name the actors that starred in the original version? Yeah, I didn't think so. Talk about a remake to a good movie that NOBODY wants. People who remember the original love it so much that this movie looks terrible. People who don't know the original-- do you even care? I mean Anna Faris isn't exactly a box office draw anymore and the humor being portrayed in this movie feels decades old... BECAUSE IT IS. Sure, it's clever to do the gender flip on the original story, but that's not going to make up for a movie that's going to provide zero laughs and make no money.
5/11
Life of the Party
I think Melissa McCarthy is a hilariously great comedic actor. She doesn't use her weight as a punchline and she can hold her own with all the Ferrell's, Stiller's, Rogen's of the comedy world. She and Paul Feig make comedy magic together. But, whenever she makes a movie with her husband in the Director's chair-- they're her worst movies. The two previous collaborations between them have been Tammy and The Boss, arguably her two worst movies. Life of the Party looks just as bad. I hope I'm wrong, because with the right people in her corner, Melissa McCarthy can make me laugh harder than anyone, but with the wrong people it's just another missed opportunity for her comedic talents to shine. This film leaves me with little hope.
5/18
Show Dogs
Yeah, there's really not a more obvious entry into the Worst category than this one. Go ahead and name the last GREAT movie that involved talking dogs and Will Arnett. Actually name the last great movie that involved either one. Don't worry... I'll wait.
6/29
Uncle Drew
It stars NBA basketball star Kyrie Irving as an old basketball phenom, and old I mean elderly, Uncle Drew. Nope. This movie is going to be terrible. It started as a series of silly commercials and worked its way up to a movie. There are SNL sketches that are longer than the commercials that couldn't sustain the joke long enough for a movie. But it clearly has enough fans that it was greenlit. Which means it will make a decent amount of money. But it won't be good. People. You know it won't be good.
7/13
Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation
Let's review the last few movies that have taken place on a cruise ship: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Boat Trip, Speed 2. Yeah... this movie smells worse than Jack and Jill.
7/20
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again
People! How many movies can we make surrounding the songs of ABBA?! There are a lot of people who really enjoy the musical, but did you see the first movie? It's one of the worst put together musical movies of all time. And it had freakin' Meryl in it! Just look at the trailer for this landfill of shit. It's pretty much implied that Meryl's DEAD. And that she wanted nothing to do with this sequel. Are there even any ABBA songs left to sing? Because clearly there are just some re-used ones from the first movie with a bunch more white people dancing. Oh, and Cher. Great. Cher. Cool. Go to Hell, people associated with this movie. "Here We Go Again" sounds less like a tagline and more like the uncomfortable sighs spoken by people who are forced to see the sequel to the movie they hated in the first place.
8/3
The Darkest Minds
More YA novel adaptations that are a mistake from the get-go. They're all trying to capture that Harry Potter magic and it's never going to work again. Ever. I promise you. The big draw here is that it's produced by the dudes who did Stranger Things. Produced. That's it. And the biggest name attached to the movie is Mandy Moore. When I saw the trailer for this movie, I thought they were showing me a trailer for a new show on ABC Family (or FreeForm as it's now called). Cheap, stinky, bad.
UPCOMING WILDCARDS:
3/27
Avengers: Infinity War
I know. I know. You're ALL excited about this movie. It looks epic. But do you possibly think it looks too epic? Like there's literally TOO much going on that no filmmaker, no matter how capable, could organize this many A-list actors and Marvel heroes into one movie? How is it not going to be a cluttered mess? I mean, Captain America: Civil War was such a mess it was hard to care about anyone! We can't lock on to anyone here to care about much, we have to rely on how we feel about them in previous movies. I don't know. I'm not saying it's going to be bad... but I just don't see how it's going to be that good either.
5/25
Solo: A Star Wars Story
This is going to be the biggest Wildcard of the Summer. With everything happening during production, the firing of its original directors, the bringing in of Ron Howard to re-shoot and re-write most of the movie... I'm worried it's going to be a mess of epic proportions. Now, Rogue One was really good and went though similar problems, but I would LOVE to see the Phil Lord/Chris Miller version of this movie. They're the exact type of directors and writers who can handle a one-off Han Solo film. Ron Howard is very capable... but he's also very safe. So, hopefully it's better than I'm expecting. But really... we know we're all seeing it for Donald Glover's Lando character. No one actually wants to see a movie about Han Solo where he's not portrayed by anyone other than Harrison Ford. That's just blasphemy.
6/1
Action Point
I only put Action Point in the Wildcard section because I didn't know where else to put it. I don't think it's going to be one of the best of the year, nor do I think it'll be the worst. The trailer looks funny enough, but I feel like it's going to fall into the hole that Bad Grandpa did where we just want another Jackass movie and not a movie that has real-stuff in it, but is put around a fake movie plot. So, it'll be funny in some areas and a bit incoherent in others. Connecting these moments to a plot is going to be a bit of a stretch, but watching Johnny Knoxville hurt himself is one of life's greatest pleasures.
6/8
Ocean's 8
So, I genuinely think this movie is going to be a good movie. I love the fact that they're making another Ocean's movie with an all-female cast. I'm in for that. And I had originally intended to put this in the Upcoming Best... but I just couldn't shake the fact that this is still a spin-off/fourth sequel to a franchise that really ran out of steam fast. I like that there's new characters and new capers... but is it really going to excel in the series where the others didn't? Chances are it's just going to be another acceptable entry, but not really elevate itself over any of the other films in the series. Except Ocean's Twelve. It'll be better than that.
6/15
Tag
Great concept. Great cast. But the execution is going to be a little bit more of a challenge. I'd heard about the idea of a group of friends playing a 30-year game of tag and thought it sounded humorous. People getting tagged at weddings, funerals, etc. is all ripe for comedy. But then the trailer came out and I'm less convinced it's going to be funny. It's probably going to be your run of the mill summer comedy that has a few very funny moments, several chuckles here and there, and be forgettable as soon as the credits start to run. I doubt it'll be the best... I'm just hoping it's not one of the worst of the summer.
6/22
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
I was so excited when Jurassic World came out. I thought it looked like the perfect vehicle for Chris Pratt. After seeing the movie, I was devastatingly disappointed. Not only did they misuse Pratt, but it's the worst movie of all the entries. It's somehow NOT fun and it's the reason director Colin Trevorrow lost the ninth Star Wars movie. Now, if they'd let him direct this sequel, it was easily going into the Upcoming Worst section. And while he's still credited as a writer... new director JA Bayona is someone I trust. The Orphanage and A Monster Calls are brilliant movies. I feel like he's got what it takes to look at the trash Trevorrow puts out and make it actually work. The fact that they're using animatronic dinosaurs again makes it even better. CGI, even as great as it looks these days, still makes the dinosaurs look fake. If he can breath some life into this movie and especially its hollow and boring characters, this could be one of the best movies since the first one. If he lets too much Trevorrow creep in... it's going to be just as much of a letdown as Jurassic World was.
7/13
The Nun
Now, there's not a trailer for this movie, yet, but here's why I can't put this film into either Best or Worst category-- I love what James Wan has done with The Conjuring franchise. Yet, the first Annabelle was terrible. But the second one was good. Spinoffs are tricky. The Nun character in The Conjuring 2 was terrifying because we got no background. It was just horrifying to look at. Trying to create a mythology around the character may elevate the scares or completely diminish them. I hope it's the former, but chances are it'll be the latter.
8/3
The Spy Who Dumped Me
Huge Kate McKinnon fan. Not a fan of Mila Kunis. I don't think she's funny and yet she's the supposed star of this movie. It's supposed to be an action-comedy that finally lets empowered women have their own action-comedy movies... yet it's titled after the male spy who dumped HER. So, I don't know. The trailer doesn't look great, save for McKinnon's parts. And we've seen with Rough Night that she can't always save a movie, even though she's great in it. My instinct is to say this is going to be bad and just go watch Melissa McCarthy's Spy again... but it might actually surprise me.
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