Fall movies are supposed to be a combination of Summer run-off, Halloween horror movies, and a bunch of Oscar bait. While October is never supposed to be that great, it's November and December that are the most exciting months of the year for film.
This is definitely not the case for 2016. Hollywood has shat the proverbial bed when it comes to Oscar season films. Even non-Oscar bait films aren't that exciting. There really isn't THAT much to look forward to in the upcoming months, but here's a few of the upcoming best and worst.
BEST UPCOMING:
10/7
The Birth of a Nation
Nate Parker's directorial debut was almost a lock for, at the very least, a Best Picture nod when reviews from different film festivals weren't just good-- but praising to a degree fitting a film worthy of Best Picture. However, amid past rape allegations and Parker not handling it in a way that the public is liking-- it's probably going to miss out on the Oscars and half of the viewers it would've had. This isn't to say that the film isn't still going to be powerful, moving, appropriate for today, and beautiful.
10/14
The Accountant
Ben Affleck is back in his low-key The Town-esque type of thriller that got Affleck back in good with the public. This film is also probably not going to make a ton of money considering that it's been pretty quietly advertised and it's not a shoot-em-up action extravaganza. It's going to be a slow burn of very deliberate and purposeful filmmaking that will slip through the cracks and become memorable.
10/21
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
I'll admit... it took me nearly two years to watch the first Jack Reacher film. It didn't excite me and it didn't look like anything that was worth watching. It especially didn't look like a film that needed a sequel. However, after watching it, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Tom Cruise can still lock it down as leading man in an espionage thriller and even though we all know that sequels never match the quality of the originals, it is a solid character that has the ability to have many fun adventures. And... in a year full of ballz... I'll give this one the benefit of the doubt.
11/4
Doctor Strange
BLEH. YAWN. I'm literally only putting this up here for you readers because I couldn't give two shits about this movie. I'm OVER Marvel. Over it. Yet, they keep making quality films. How can I slander a Marvel film (that look goofy as hell to me) starring Benedict Cumberbatch? I'm going to be apathetic towards this movie until I see it get a 92% on Rottentomatoes (lower only if it is actually as racially insensitive as it looks) and I'll see it and probably enjoy it, never to watch again.
Hacksaw Ridge
Say what you will about my boy Mel Gibson. He's a loathsome human being. This is true. He doesn't deserve the love that people still give him given the fact that offscreen he's a garbage bag. However, the dude knows how to make a movie. His track record as a writer/director is damn near flawless. And the story of Hacksaw Ridge is highly touted as being a tear jerker war movie that the vast majority of the public will eventually NEED to see. Whatever it is-- it's going to be one of the best of the Fall.
Loving
You wanna talk tear-jerker? This is the one that's going to drain you of tears and use them to mop the theater. It's the story of an interracial couple in the south in the 50s who get married and then spend their entire lives separated, under scrutiny of the law, sent to prison, etc. With this and The Birth of a Nation, there could not be two more important movies to come out this year.
11/11
Arrival
There are two types of Sci-Fi. There are junky, fun, action science fiction movies that can be so bad they're good or so good they're good. Then, there's the slow, clever, and inventive sci-fi that is more of a brain tug than a space romp. Arrival falls in the latter category. It takes almost a philosophical look at what it means to be an alien in our world. It looks very thrilling, very intense, and very good.
11/18
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
I legitimately know nothing about this movie. I know that it was written by the chick that wrote Harry Potter and that the book is mentioned in those books and I know some of the cast. Other than that, I know nothing. However, I know the track record of Rowling and the movies based on her books and I can just assume that this movie is going to be quite enjoyable.
The Edge of Seventeen
It does kind of look like your standard angsty teen coming of age movie. However, it's produced by James L. Brooks and that's pretty much his M.O. but he's very good at it. It also has an exceptional cast and it doesn't provide the standard PG-13 fare these types of movies are used to. It's R rated and Woody Harrelson is playing a smartass. Yeah, okay, I'm in.
Nocturnal Animals
This is the kind of weird movie that feels like a dark Coen Bros. film. It has that No Country for Old Men feel to it with a great cast. Director Tom Ford has only directed one other film, A Single Man, which was terrific, so I guess we can give him a so-far-so-good attitude. Hopefully it's even more sick and twisted than it looks because not much else the rest of this year are going to really strain the brain.
11/25
Moana
Again, don't know a whole hell of a lot about this movie, either. But I do know that it's Disney and their recent films the last five or six years have been stand out hits (I feel like I'm basing most of my assumptions upon track record). It's also a new Disney musical from the guy who directed The Little Mermaid and Aladdin. I also know that Lin-Manuel Miranda is involved with the movie somehow. And The Rock is legit the man. So, yeah... it's going to be good.
Allied
The teaser trailer for Allied doesn't show much, but this will be Brad Pitt's third World War II film in the last five or so years and none of them have been terrible. Robert Zemeckis leaving his world of animation is also a good sign. If you combine the right parts of Pitt, Cotillard and Zemeckis... there is potential for a very good movie on the horizon.
12/2
La La Land
Hollywood isn't doing a very good job of showcasing their holiday/Oscar bait movies this late into the year. The last few movies I've said is going to be on the Best list only really have vague teaser trailers. The same goes for La La Land. I've seen the trailer a few times... but I have no idea what it's about. I have to go (yet again) on track record. The director is the guy who made the HIGHLY underrated Whiplash (one of my favorite movies of this decade) and it reunites Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. Cool. I'll see it.
12/9
Office Christmas Party
I had to put a comedy on here because the rest of the comedies this holiday season look like sewage slop. This one was good enough to choose due to its good cast (Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston, Kate McKinnon, T.J. Miller) and it's directed by the guys who did Blades of Glory. So, even if it's just okay... it wins the winter movie fest.
12/16
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Much like Doctor Strange, I am just not excited for this film. The trailer makes it look quite humorless, a little cheesy, and just kind of bleh. The fact that after test-screenings it needed extensive reshoots says to me that it's sub-par. And its director, Gareth Edwards, directed the abysmal reboot of Godzilla... I'm just not sold. However, we are in a day and age when movies like this, when resurrected... can every once in awhile find lightning in a bottle. Cliche, cliche... it could be good. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking?
12/23
Passengers
This is another movie where the trailer doesn't exactly sell me, but in this case I can tell that there is something else within the film that isn't being spoiled by the trailer (THANK YOU). It's also one of the only ORIGINAL PIECES of the entire year. It's not based on a book or a comic book or a graphic novel or any other source material... it is 100% original. The fact that a big studio would risk money on an original movie in 2016 is a goddamn miracle and makes me very hopeful for this film.
A Monster Calls
I thought about throwing this one into the 'Wildcard' section because the adaptation may or may not actually be as good as the trailer looks. However, based on the cast and the trailer and what I've heard about the quality of the book... I'm willing to bet this movie is a lot better than people are initially giving it credit. Plus... Liam Neeson is the voice of a giant monster that helps a kid cope with his mom's cancer death. What's not to be excited about???
Silence
Martin Scorsese made another film. It stars Liam Neeson. It's over three hours long. Yeah... it's going to be amazing.
Fences
Probably the movie I'm most excited about this winter. Denzel's second directorial effort and it looks like it's going to have all of the emotional pull to make the audience actually FEEL things. It's based on a Pulitzer-Prize winning play that Denzel did on Broadway, so he probably feels quite passionate about its content. I don't care. It's Denzel. I'll watch him in pretty much anything.
WORST UPCOMING:
10/21
Ouija: Origin of Evil
The original Ouija was terrible. I love me some horror, but even I wouldn't touch that. The sequel does look like it has a better premise and it definitely has a better director, but there's no saving this franchise. There's no amount of good directing or writing that could save a movie that's titled after a board game.
Boo! A Madea Halloween
Please explain to me how in the hell we get rid of Tyler Perry? Is there some sort of online petition I can sign? Are any of the Presidential candidates proposing some sort of anti-Tyler Perry legislation?? Because they'll get my vote. And yes... your eyes are not deceiving you... it does in fact say "Hellurween" on an actual movie poster for an actual movie. There is no God.
10/28
Inferno
I almost put this one under 'Upcoming Wildcards', but the more I see the trailer for this movie the more it looks worse and worse. The DaVinci Code was not a good movie and Angels and Demons was just okay. But this one looks so bad that every line of dialogue in the trailer (something that is supposed to convince you to see the movie) is so on the nose that the only reason Hanks is doing a third one has to be that he's contractually obligated. I don't have any faith in this third installment to a very mediocre (at best) series.
11/4
Trolls
Does this one need much explanation? I realize we struck gold with The Lego Movie. Do you honestly think it'll happen again?
11/11
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk
I hope you like quesadillas because this movie is stuffed with CHEESE. That was a terrible joke... but still ten times more entertaining than this incredibly emotionally manipulative movie. This is the film equivalent of the song "Christmas Shoes". I don't prejudice films very often, but if this movie got a 98% on rottentomatoes, I would still never see it. Dear God... why Steve Martin? Why???
Almost Christmas
A dysfunctional family Christmas movie comes out every. single. year. Does anyone actually remember one that stands out that was good other than, like, Christmas Vacation? They all fall into the mist of obscurity and are hardly ever watched again. This one doesn't look any different than the rest. A standard movie with a laugh or two that will impact no one.
11/25
Bad Santa 2
This one hurts. A lot. I love the original movie. I watch it every Christmas. It's so dark and funny and just plain ol' fuckkkkkked up. It's a classic that NEVER needed a sequel. Go watch the trailer for this movie. I dare you to find one thing to laugh it. You can't. Sometimes you can tell that they're hiding the good stuff for the actual movie... this one... the "good stuff" is in the trailer. This movie will be horrible. It will attempt to make you forget why you loved the original so much. And poor Kathy Bates. It hurts me to see her drug into this mess.
12/2
Kidnap
Since winning her Oscar for Monster's Ball, Halle Berry has gone the Cuba Gooding Jr. route where instead of taking better and better roles, she's lived on the bottom making terrible movie after terrible movie and eventually will become nothing more than the face of a Redbox poster. Not sure how Kidnap escaped to theaters in December, but it will likely be the last one.
12/9
The Bye Bye Man
Hey, what's up, America? Saw The Babadook? Decided it was too good of a movie to not be American? Decided to make a blatant ripoff without really even trying to disguise the fact that you're ripping it off? Trying to see how STUPID of a name you could call the ghost/demon of a movie and people will still come out? I hate this movie. I hate it more than Tyler Perry.
12/16
The Space Between Us
You see... it's a play on words. He's a kid that was born in space and falls in love with a girl on Earth the space between them is actually space. Then when he comes to Earth they can't be together or some shit and now there's literal distance (space) between them. Or how because he was born in space and she was born on Earth... they're different people and the culture clash is the metaphorical space between them. Go to hell.
12/23
Assassin's Creed
Film adaptations of video games always suck. They always do. Remember when we argued earlier this year about Warcraft? How it wasn't going to be the bust that I said it was going to be? Well... it was. And this will be too. It's unfortunate that they got real actors (Fassbender, Marion Cotillard) to be in the movie because it's going to suck. If you don't believe me, watch the trailer. If you still don't believe me, hit yourself as hard as you can in the face with a hammer.
UPCOMING WILDCARDS:
10/7
The Girl on the Train
Before a few days ago, I would've stuck this one in the 'Upcoming Best' for Fall, but due to middling reviews, I've moved to 'Wildcards'. Having read the book I can say that it is a very intense and thrilling story that could and should be great as a movie. However, in the wrong incapable hands... it could just be a forgettable Gone Girl ripoff. I'm hoping not.
10/21
Keeping Up With The Jonses
This is another movie that comes out every few years. Suburban family watches cool new family (who may be spies), become jealous and snoopy, then entangled in the web of espionage. The problem is-- they're never any good. None of these movies ever really have the balls to go all out. It's never enough comedy to justify the lame action, and it's never enough action to justify never laughing. I don't have faith that Zack Galifinakis is the one to do it right. But you never know.
12/16
Collateral Beauty
Will Smith is someone that we all want to make a triumphant return to the movies. However, he's been Kiera Knightley-ing himself and instead of doing fun Summer blockbusters (which is where we fell in love with him), he's trying to win that Oscar with movies no one cares about. Collateral Beauty is either going to be The Pursuit of Happiness.... or Seven Pounds. Either way... meh.
12/23
Patriots Day
Peter Berg and Mark Whalberg team up for their third movie about 'Merica. First, it was Lone Survivor. Then, it was Deepwater Horizon. Now, it's the "true" story of the aftermath of the Boston bombing. I can't help thinking that instead of trying to honor the heroes in each of these stories, they're spewing very strange 'Merica propaganda. However, the movies are actually good. So... I don't know. Vote Trump.
Why Him?
This is the only comedy coming out on Christmas. It does have a few upsides-- we all know and love Bryan Cranston. And it's rated R. Like, a hard R. But, his foil is James Franco. We've seen Franco funny in Seth Rogen movies... but is he funny enough alone to carry a movie as the off-color character himself? If he's supposed to be the funny one, and Cranston is the straight man... I don't know if they'll actually be able to pull it off without Rogen and co.
Gold
This is the third movie McConaughey has done with the word 'Gold' in it. The other ones weren't good. There was also a movie he did called Sahara. It wasn't good either. He's bald in this movie. Not sure if that helps. I have no idea if this will be good or not. Wildcard, bitches!
See what I mean? Like what exactly is there to be that excited for this year? I really hope that there's a movie that hasn't been announced yet that sneaks through and reminds us that the Fall really is meant for the best movies of the year. I guess we'll have to wait until 2017 to get a better year.
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