Unfortunately, because I have one set of testicles too many to aptly review Pitch Perfect, I will not be giving it a proper grade. I may have made one too many mistakes in my life that led me to the theater where I watched this film. The first being that I avoided any and all trailers of the film. I saw who was in it. I read the synopsis and I was immediately turned off from it. But... after reading several positive reviews of the film I was a little more persuaded to give it a chance. Then, a male co-worker friend of mine (whose man card has since been revoked) told me that it was actually funny and that I should give it a shot. And lastly, because I have an amazing girlfriend who not only doesn't make me watch anything with the words Twi or Light in it, but also sees junky action films with me without complaint, my decision was therefore made.
Oh, what a mistake it was. And though I'd rather watch Pitch Perfect once a day for the rest of my life than ever see another Breaking New Eclipse Moon Twilight Dawn Parts 1, 2, 5, 12, and 30 ever again, it was still a rather harrowing experience. But, I was cautiously optimistic. I mean, surely it couldn't be as bad as Glee. I mean, there's a way to make a capella funny, right? Wrong! The further into the movie I got the more I could feel a vagina growing between my legs. By the time I hit the scene where a group of girls on a bus are harmonizing to Miley Cyrus, my girlfriend and I were literally on the same menstrual cycle. By the end credits I had only one desire-- to hop over to the next theater and watch Liam Neeson kill some random foreigners. So, unless you're a woman and reading this just stay away. Because, though it will definitely earn you some relationship brownie points, you have to wonder if it's truly worth it.
(Letter grade omitted due to the reviewer having to get vaginal reconstruction surgery to make it look like the penis he once had)
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