The Post: The Dream Team Takes The Spotlight

The Post is good. It is a very good movie. I stress good because it isn't great. It is good. It is a very good, serviceable movie that had it come out a few years ago would've taken all of the awards. But in a year that has had great movies... for a movie that is led by the all-time DREAM TEAM (Hanks... Streep... Spielberg)...  I need better than good. It's pretty much just a thing in America, whether you've actually spoken these words aloud or not, that Tom Hanks is the best actor on the planet - or at least the most watchable one. Meryl Streep is the best actress (or person in general) on the planet. And Spielberg, even though he's scuffled the last few years, is the best director (this will be debatable, I assume). Whatever the case, when you finally get these three together for a movie it should've been insanely great... but it's good. Forgive this analogy, but it's like how Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were the biggest and most bankable action stars of the 80s. Audiences always wanted them to get together in a movie to blow up the world. Then they finally did, decades later for Escape Plan. Which was meh. It should've been good. But it was meh. See? Same thing. No? Okay. Moving on.

The Post tells the story of the Washington Post's tough decision to print the Pentagon Papers after the New York Times had been legally barred in doing so, in fear of losing the business altogether and/or everyone going to jail. At one end you've got Ben Bradlee (Hanks), a headstrong, hard-nosed editor who's willing to risk everything (for him, it's not really that much and his wife reminds him of this) in order to get the papers out there to the people. On the other side of this is owner of the paper Kay Graham (Meryl Streep) who keeps getting conflicting advice from bankers, investors, political allies, and a personal advisor all telling her if she prints these papers... papers that prove the American government sent soldiers to Vietnam fully knowing they coudln't win... she would lose everything (and she had everything to lose).

The story, which mirrors a lot of what's going on in today's political climate, could not be more suitable to be filmed right now. All of the lies that are suppressed in our own government, the censoring of the press, hell even Nixon stating that the Washington Post is no longer allowed at the White House anymore has some severe connections with what's happening today and it's terrifying. And Nixon still knew half of what he was doing! I understand why Spielberg felt he had to make this film and get it to theaters this year. When there is a good story that has this many parallels with what's happening in our world now, it certainly falls under the category of must-see. And it's a very well directed film. Lately Spielberg's biopics, like Lincoln and Munich, have this tendency to start off very, very, very slowly. As Spielberg has matured as a Director, he's learned to take his time with things. And sometimes it's to a fault. Like the aforementioned films, The Post also begins quite slowly and it was difficult for me to feel hooked into the story for the first half hour or so. I felt like Spielberg was telling a story he assumed I already knew. I was lost. I was a little bored. But then... everything started falling into place. You could feel the entire audience, our packed theater, put everything together at once and we were all on board. Where there were scattered chuckles early on, there were full on harmonious laughs after. Once we finally understood the route of the film, it was smooth sailing from there.

Meryl Streep is once again, astonishing. And I really like what writers Liz Hannah and Josh Singer did with her character. In a year of strong female characters, we don't want to see Streep take a back seat and play someone with less ladyballs. She starts out meek. She starts out in a newspaper business... left to her by her late husband... a business that's nearly entirely "a man's world" and she's meek. She can't speak up at board meetings. When three or four men are talking at her, she barely musters a sound. But when she finds the strength to stand up for her own paper, she starts to find the strength to stand up for herself and there really is a true evolution to her character that Streep seriously owns. This may not be the year for Streep to win the gold, but I'll be shocked if she's not nominated yet again. The film is full of fine performances. Hanks is great as per usual (though it is kinda jarring watching Hanks as a dick and not a fatherly figure you want to hug). Bob Odenkirk, Tracy Letts, Bradley Whitford, Bruce Greenwood, Jesse Plemmons, Sarah Paulson (severely underused but still great), Alison Brie, and hell, even Gabe from The Office (Zach Woods) shows up for a brief moment.

The Post is a nice companion piece to Spotlight. They both deal with the suspense of investigative journalism, but I'm here to tell you, dear folks, that Spotlight did it a little better. And that might be one of the reasons I thought The Post was just good. It's the second movie in this line of moviemaking. Had it been the first, who knows? But Spotlight wasn't just good, it was great. Like I said, it starts off a little bit too slowly to hook the audience in right away. And I felt like a lot of the dialogue was pretty on the nose. There were moments where a concept was thrown around in a conversation of experts, and I as an audience member would have to piece together the conversation-puzzle to determine what exactly they're saying. Then, when I'd finally get it, they'd stop and spell it out for the audience to understand. It happens several times and it was cringe-worthy every time. Though I may be the only one to have felt this way as I overheard a hoity-toity, old-man, LA-hipster walk out of the Burbank theater behind me exclaiming to his just-as-shitty female companion, "what a wonderful screenplay! Marvelous!" (Seriously, these are his exact words.)

But The Post is an important movie. And hopefully people will actually learn something. Most of the time we use the press for good (some for evil), but it is a necessary evil. I personally didn't feel like the movie had a political slant or bias - even though it is not-so-subtly making connections from the events in the 70s to our current presidential administration, but perhaps I'm also blinded by that too. The film has a very respectable 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. When a film scores this high, I like to go through and read some of the rotten reviews. I'm going to end this with an direct excerpt from my favorite negative review. It's from a SUPER right-wing newspaper from Toluca Lake called the Tolucan Times. The reviewer is Tony Medley. And he had this review warning to provide to his readers: "The Hollywood left is still taking its marching orders from Lenin's directive to use art as a weapon as Spielberg, Streep, and Hanks try to bolster their political aims with this terminally boring antidote to insomnia." You're welcome.

B

I, Tonya: The Story Of A Trailer-Trash Ice Princess

About a year ago, I had a podcast with a buddy of mine. This podcast featured us taking historical events or notorious peoples and re-enacting their stories as they "actually happened". The way we'd prepare for these podcasts is we'd do a bit of research on the event or person, make an outline of the important moments we needed to get through in the podcast and then improvise the rest. Well, our podcast, which we found particularly hilarious, had only about eight total fans, so it kind of fizzled and died. However, one of the last episodes we did was about Tonya Harding. It was one of my personal favorite episodes because most of the comedy came from the actual situation itself. The only added touch were the ridiculous voices and added character traits we added to the people involved (the best episodes were ones that were outrageous already before we injected our own brand of comedy). After doing research on Tonya Harding, I basically came to the conclusion that she was just a nut. After the whole "Nancy Kerrigan incident", she went on to become a female boxer, sell a sex tape, and attempt to beat the land speed record in a car all to make money. We presented her as this nut-job who could hardly form a sentence, sounded constantly intoxicated, and could not wrap her head around any of these career choices being "crazy". I don't often apologize for my comedy. I believe that if you're not just picking on one type of person, or saying inflammatory shit for the sake of hurting others, all in comedy is fair game. But, after watching I, Tonya I actually do feel pretty terrible about it now. I guess the silver lining here is that it was heard by only, like, four people so it didn't do much damage.

I, Tonya is a truly heartbreaking story told in a very unique and, well... funny way. After seeing the film I had no idea how little I knew about Harding's actual skating career. I had no idea that she (portrayed by Margot Robbie) was the first, and only, American to perform a triple axle. I had no idea that because she was too poor to afford a "proper" costume, she was never given fair treatment by judges. I had no idea that she never received a medal at the Olympics. You hear the name, associate it with "the incident", but just assume she was a big name beforehand because she was an Olympic medalist. She came in fourth. This is only part of what the movie shows. It also shows the countless amounts of abuse thrown at Harding throughout her lifetime. Whether it was the mental abuse given by her mother (Allison Janney), which also turned into physical abuse, or the serious physical abuse given to her by her boyfriend turned husband Jeff (Sebastian Stan). Tonya Harding had one of the hardest lives I think a professional athlete could come from. And for her to rise up and achieve what she achieved is pretty remarkable in itself. The film doesn't hold back from this either. Tonya is belittled by her mother, who I'm pretty certain is physically incapable of cracking a smile. Then, she goes home to her husband and she is thrown around the apartment, smacked in the face, punched, slammed into walls and mirrors, has a gun pulled on her, you name it. This is all spliced between interviews with everyone involved twenty years later (where different perspectives offer different takes on the events - however, it's easy to discern who the unreliable storytellers are).

Director Craig Gillespie has crafted a very unique biopic. We've been given the bio formula umpteen times and we essentially know how they go. Show the childhood, show the emotional toll on said important person, show how they rise above, show how they backslide, show how they have serious faults, show how they overcome said faults, show how they have succeeded. The end. What we've been given is a nice spin on convention here and shown a movie that incorporates bias and moments that may or may not have happened and exaggerations and truth all in the same movie. We'll get a scene and either cut to an interview where someone claims "that never really happened", or in the middle of the scene, they'll break the fourth wall and give us some information. Most of it is played for laughs, but the laughs are juxtaposed by the horror happening on screen. For example, Harding's bodyguard, a human lump by the name of Shawn is portrayed as a goofy idiot who lives with his mother. And even though he is, in fact, a goofy idiot (with less than four brain cells still active) who lives with his mom... he's a main contributor in the whole Nancy Kerrigan debacle which directly contributes to the ruining of Tonya Harding's life. And it's BECAUSE he's this goofy idiot that it manages to work out that way. So while you're laughing along with the ridiculous situations happening, you're crying a little bit inside knowing how much it is affecting this person who has already tried several times to escape a life of abuse and self-destruction. It's a fantastic contrast in a fantastic movie.

Everyone is great in the film, but the two who stand out are Janney and especially Robbie. Allison Janney is one of the greatest worst mothers in the history of cinema. The stuff that comes out of her mouth is so vulgar and hateful, you have to laugh at it from an outsider's perspective. But the icyness of her character, especially as a mother to someone who truly needs an ally, it's downright tragic. There are moments when you expect her to break from her character and give us a smile and a hug, but it never happens. She's cold and domineering and could've easily been a parent-biopic-trope, but somehow transcends convention due to good writing and a great performance. As far as Robbie is concerned, for the last few months I have been advocating for Frances McDormand to get the Best Actress Oscar for Three Billboards, however Robbie may have won me over. There's already stiff competition this year in the Best Actress category with McDormand, Sally Hawkins, Saoirse Ronan, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Judi Dench and possibly Jessica Chastain, but Robbie gives such a terrific turn as Harding, that she's going to give all these women a run for their money. She's a firecracker in this film and gives a portrayal stronger than would normally be expected for a film about Tonya Harding. At first, she's a self-proclaimed redneck who, on the surface, (and if you've done basic research on her history) appears to be a little nuts. However, due to a life of constant abuse and being given an unfair disadvantage in her skating career, you start to realize that even though a lot of her behavior is self-destroying, it's at the very least understandable. Robbie does something with Harding I didn't think possible-- she creates empathy. And she knocks it out of the park. The movie is terrific, but it wouldn't have been as strong without Robbie at the forefront.

I, Tonya has somewhat of a sick sense of humor about its subject matter, considering how dark everything actually is. And it's truly sad everything that culminates around the events leading to the outcome of Harding's life, but Gillespie and company do honor Harding and give her a fair shot at explaining her role in everything. And while it appears that she isn't as much to blame as we all remember her being, she's still culpable. The film poses the question, though, of whether her culpability should've really led to a lifetime ban for a person without an education, without any other skill set other than skating. By the end of the film, you're not laughing like you once were, but feeling for Tonya and resenting the fact you've harbored unfounded notions about her for many years. It's truly a great biopic and one of the best movies of the year.

A

Downsizing: A Decent Misfire

My guess right now is that most of you don't really care to see Downsizing. And those that do are probably not really going to like it because what it looks like in the trailer versus what's actually presented to you on screen are pretty different. This isn't your fault. And it's also not the trailer's fault (for once) for misleading you to think that Downsizing is a quirky little comedy about Matt Damon shrinking himself to five inches. The movie actually begins this way. The first forty-five minutes or so is most everything you see in the trailer with all the quirks of people shrinking, or downsizing, themselves and living in a miniature world. Then the script goes... other places. It never really nails down a tone. It never really has any sense of direction. And it just kind of meanders along with a message that's paper-thin. For the caliber of writer/director Alexander Payne is (The Descendants, Nebraska, Sideways, About Schmidt, Election), this film was certainly a misfire. However, if you're able to ignore the faults of the film, there's an entertaining story in there somewhere. It's decent to say the most, but it's never really going to get over the hump of its shortcomings.

Matt Damon is Paul. He's married to Audrey (Kristin Wiig). They have a decent life, but have always wanted more. Some Swedish scientists have figured out a way to cease the world's waste problem and overpopulation - by shrinking man down to 5 inches. The reason downsizing is appealing to people is that money now goes a lot further than in the normal world. A person with $100,000 in equity is now a multi-millionaire, which is the case for Paul and Audrey. They decide to have the procedure done. Paul gets downsized. Audrey chickens out and divorces Paul. Paul moves to the little town of Leisureland. He's mostly depressed, regretting the decision to downsize, due mostly to the fact that he's all alone. He mingles with an old high school friend (Jason Sudekis) and his quirky, eccentric Serbian upstairs neighbor (Christoph Waltz), but he never really finds true happiness until he meets Ngoc Lan Tran (Hong Chau), a downsized Vietnamese refugee with her own cleaning business. She and Paul form a bond and she teaches him that no matter where you go, no matter how big or how small you are, people are still going to be marginalized and if you can be a part of the solution instead of the problem, then the world will be that much better of a place.

It sounds kind of hokey... and it is, but not as bad as I'm making it sound. What is bad is that the film never really finds its course. It jumps all over the place never really settling for one storyline or one tone. It also wastes some really good comedic talent. Kristen Wiig is really only in the beginning, never given much to do, and not seen again after Damon's downsized. During a presentation at Leisureland to convince prospective clients to downsize, Neil Patrick Harris and Laura Dern both make cameos that don't really do much in the way of progress the story... or make you laugh. Jason Sudekis shows up in a couple of scenes and then isn't mentioned again, leaving no real mark on the movie. The film moves so quickly from one sub-plot to the other, it's like a bunch of mini-movies about downsizing spliced together to form one big one. The best parts of the film are with Christoph Waltz's character Dusan, and with Ngoc. Dusan brings some levity and quirk to the film and actually drives the narrative, though is still very much a one-dimensional character. This is another problem the film has... there's not much depth to anyone. Except Ngoc.

Hong Chau is an actress I've never seen in a movie before, but I hope to see a lot more often. She brings such fun and life to the script. In the scenes that are the most preachy and in-your-face with its message, she makes it all worthwhile. For one, she's adorable, she's funny, and she's got layers to her character that actually serve the story and works as the perfect foil for Damon's character Paul (unfortunately, it's also a woman of a different ethnicity teaches the white guy about life type of relationship for awhile, but what can ya do?). She made the movie worthwhile for me and was able to distract me from the constant change of pace the movie was putting me through. She makes this misfire mostly decent.

The first half of Downsizing is really just a long set-up to the question: would you do it? You know like those games you play with others out of boredom (like if you had to live without an arm or without a leg... which one would you pick?). It presents the question-- if human beings could be shrunk to 5 inches and your little bit of money could be converted into a lot of money... would you do it? It's an interesting question and I liked the way Payne explored both sides of the coin, the pros and the cons. However, after this question has been thoroughly examined, he switches to social commentary in a somewhat satirical manner, though it's not all that funny. The back half of the film doesn't even really use the novelty of the film. You forget that all these people are 5 inches tall because they're not set against anything normal-sized anymore and you lose the main reason people are seeing your film.

It's a strange little movie that's neither funny, nor all that dramatic. I wouldn't even really know what genre to classify the movie in. Matt Damon hasn't had a great year at the box office and Downsizing (and his dipshit comments about women and what's happening in Hollywood) aren't going to help much either. I believe, however, that if you know what to expect out of Downsizing, it's not going to seem as misguided as it might if you didn't already know what to expect. It's one of Alexander Payne's weakest films, but when you have a great director at your helm, even their weakest work is better than a lot of other lesser director's strongest work.

C+

All The Money In The World: The Close Examination Of A Total Dickbag

It's actually been a few days since I've seen All the Money in the World and I'm having a tough time figuring out what to say about the movie. Normally when I see a film, I'll have an opinion of it and an idea of a letter grade I'm going to give it as soon as the movie is over. I usually let this opinion gestate for a few hours or even up to a day to let everything sink in and formulate what I want to write about the film. But, I've been thinking about All the Money in the World for a few days now and I'm not entirely sure what to say about the movie. Here's part of the reason, I think-- back when the first trailer dropped a few months ago, when Kevin Spacey was the headliner of the film... I didn't really care much about seeing it. The trailer didn't exactly pique my interest and the only reason I'd entertain the notion of seeing the film was because I liked Kevin Spacey. Then all the Spacey shit hit the fan. And all I could think about was-- damn... bad timing. That movie's gonna bomb (well that and seriously FUCK Kevin Spacey). Then Ridley Scott nutted up and RE-SHOT Spacey's entire role with Christopher Plummer just a month before it was to hit theaters... and the dude didn't even change the release date. Now the movie had my attention... but still not because of the story.

The story is one that, even after seeing it, doesn't really seem like good movie fodder. It's a pretty crazy story, but not one that necessarily translates into Hollywood film. I would've liked to have seen the documentary of this story instead of a re-imagining with a lot of liberties taken. It's also not a story that needs two plus hours to tell, either. J. Paul Getty (Plummer), in 1973, was the richest man in the entire world. So, some Italian mafia members kidnap Getty's grandson John. They call his mother, Gail (Michelle Williams) and inform her that they're holding him for a 17 million dollar ransom. Gail, who has been divorced out of the Getty family, is broke. When she goes to Getty Sr. to ask him for the money, he declines. He refuses to even entertain the notion of parting with any part of his fortune to bring back his (favorite) grandson. And the shitbag does this publicly. He goes on record... on the news... to say he's not paying a dime. Enter fictional character Fletcher Chase (Mark Wahlberg), an ex CIA agent and head of Getty's security. He's tasked, by Getty, to uncover who the kidnappers are and to [possibly - and inexpensively] get the kid home. The rest of the film deals with the media circus surrounding the high profile kidnapping, Chase keeping Gail out of the public eye, negotiating with the kidnappers, reasoning with Getty, and the torture of the poor 16-year-old boy.

The reason I say this doesn't make a great movie is because I'm more interested in the facts of the case and the study of the man, J. Paul Getty. With the introduction of fictional elements, including an entire character who is integral to the story, it's hard to discern what actually happened and what has been invented for a stimulating narrative. Chase effectively negotiates with the kidnappers for months and gets the ransom down from 17 mill to 4 million. But Chase isn't real. So how did this happen? And because most of the film focuses on Gail's struggles, we don't get much insight into the man who values money over everything else in existence. A documentary on this subject would've, to me, been a much more fascinating way of getting the story. 

The movie does make the story interesting, however. I'm just not sure I cared enough throughout. There were moments when my mouth was agape and I couldn't believe what I was watching (these moments usually featured Getty). But there were other moments where I was either questioning if this really happened or checking my phone to see how much longer the movie was. A lot of the movie focuses on young John. He's somewhat befriended by one of the kidnappers, which makes for an interesting dynamic, but then there are quite a few scenes where he's just getting straight up tortured and while it adds to the emotional resonance of the film, it just seemed unnecessary. But it's J. Paul Getty who intrigues most. It's fascinating watching this man and trying to figure out what makes him tick and if he's even got a soul. He refuses to hand over a cent of his fortune, yet we'll see him drop 1.5 million dollars on a piece of art... after his grandson has been kidnapped. He'll go on a diatribe about how family is important and how John is his favorite and how he wanted to hand over everything to him... yet is willing to let the kid die before opening his checkbook. It's also heartbreaking to watch how he treats Gail. She's no longer a Getty because J. Paul's son (Gail's ex) is a hardcore alcoholic/drug addict who can't even speak in full sentences anymore. But, since she decided to divorce him, he won't give her the time of day. The exploration into the psyche of this dickbag of a human being is gripping. This is yet another reason I would've loved to seen the documentary of this story, to get MORE out of what the real motivations were and backstory behind this dude. 

So, how does Plummer stack up after only getting a week to prepare for the role and a month to shoot 22 scenes? Answer: he's obviously great. I think the dude should get an Oscar nom just for being in his late 80s and making it look like he's been prepping for the role for years. It does help that he was the first choice for the role before the studio forced Ridley Scott's hand into casting someone more bankable like Spacey. But he brings a certain humanity to the role, a certain charm that makes for an even more enthralling villain. Michelle Williams is also fantastic. Gail is a very strong-willed mother and a very tough character, who gets grief from the press that she doesn't appear more upset outwardly that her son has been kidnapped, even though we all know she's dying inside, which only exacerbates the problems in her life. The way she deals with Getty and the press and the situation in general is very internal, meaning she doesn't wear her emotions on her sleeve. However, she's still able to present these feelings subtly to the viewer so we can feel this struggle as well. It's a difficult role and Williams nails it. I also really loved the dialect she brings to her character's manner of speaking. It's truly mid-west 50s housewife speak (you know... like "Hey, Operator. Gimme Klondike-547 on the double!"). It works for the character. Whalberg is even impressive. Not like in a give-this-guy-an-Oscar kinda way, but more in a hey-Whalberg-didn't-Whalberg-it-up kinda way. 

I don't know. A lot of the movie works, but I still don't know if I really cared. I won't spoil it for you here, but after you've seen the movie, look up the story and read what happens years after the events of the kidnapping. After reading that, I really just don't know if the movie itself was necessary. The content of the movie is nothing extremely gripping or powerful and I figure I'm probably going to forget most of it after awhile, but it's something to watch. The theaters are still packed with great movies right now that I'd recommend over this one, but if you find yourself buying a ticket for it, I'd say you're not really wasting your money. That is unless they actually do a documentary. Then I'd say wait for that. 

B-

Father Figures: Mediocre Bastards

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I can't figure it out, but it always seems to happen... our favorite comedic actors... after years and years of making us laugh and love them always seem to make a gradual shift to unfunny. It doesn't matter who the actor is, it always happens. Just look at the biggest names in comedy-- Eddie Murphy was the hottest comic of the 80s... and then eventually he made Norbit. Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Steve Martin, Will Ferrell, Mike Myers, Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller... the list goes on and on. Eventually, they just stop making movies that are guaranteed funny based solely on their name being attached. This is probably because comedy is a continuously evolving phenomenon, but it's still disheartening to be let down by some of your favorite comedic actors. Even just ten years ago, Owen Wilson in a buddy comedy would be solid gold. Ed Helms was one of your favorite characters on The Office. And the plot for Father Figures sounds just ripe for comedy. Yet... it's just an exercise in mediocrity and another window for us to view one of our favorite comedic actors fall a little bit further from the funny tree.

Let me preface by stating that I didn't hate Father Figures. It's really a harmless movie that shouldn't really anger anyone, but it also won't make you laugh very often. And it's strange because there were so many missed opportunities for humor, it's almost like no one had their heart in it. The film, which was originally titled Bastards, is nearly two years old, having been pushed back a few times by the studio (I'm assuming due to poor test screenings). It tells the story of twin brothers Peter (Helms) and Kyle (Wilson) Reynolds finding out that the story their mother (Glenn Close) has told them about their deceased father their entire life was a lie. She wasn't entirely sure who their father was, but knew none of the candidates were fit enough to raise them. So, they decide to take a road trip to interview and meet the men who could be their fathers. First up is Terry Bradshaw (played by Terry Bradshaw), then a low-life thief Roland (JK Simmons), and a quirky veterinarian (Christopher Walken). Along the way they pick up a hitchhiker (Katt Williams - this is how you know the movie is old... when was the last time Katt Williams was relevant?) and learn to appreciate one another once again.

As I've mentioned, the movie isn't terrible, and I by no means despised it. It's kind of fun watching them meet the different people they believe is their father, finding the similarities between them and then witnessing the vast differences. But the scenario keeps repeating and none of them are any funnier than the last. There's moments in each that illicit a chuckle or two, but nothing here that's worthy of my time and money, especially in a theater (once again, thank you Movie Pass). I believe had the film been in more capable hands, we would've been gifted a funnier film. Owen Wilson doesn't seem to be giving it his all. And Ed Helms seems to be trying too hard. Their chemistry works in certain scenes, but I never really bought that they were brothers. All I kept thinking was how much better and funnier a movie it could've been if Vince Vaughn was Helms' character. There didn't seem to be much room for improvisation, but how angry Peter is and how resentful he is of Kyle, this would have set up multiple opportunities for a nice Vince Vaughn rant. Instead, what we got were fleeting moments of comedy leading to exposition until the next brief chuckle. The other actors in the film do lend to the fun of the film. Particularly the part of Terry Bradshaw, who somehow makes everything funnier just by being Terry Bradshaw.

It comes as no surprise that the movie is this unexceptional. It was written by Justin Malen whose only other produced work is the just as unbelievably mediocre Office Christmas Party. Both of these films have a high enough concept to draw a crowd, but such an inferior execution that neither of them are going to stick with people. In fact, I forgot nearly everything about Office Christmas Party and started watching it again about a week ago. Halfway through I remembered why I didn't remember anything-- because there's nothing funny enough to remember. This is exactly how I felt about Father Figures. It's a good enough distraction from the real world, it'll give you a handful of light chuckles, and it'll send you on your way. Therefore, I highly suggest waiting until Redbox or Netflix for this film (or if you're cool like I am, you can use your Movie Pass). It's certainly not worth the price of admission. No one is going to walk out hating the movie, but nearly everyone is going to walk out feeling underwhelmed. It's a shame because the cast is good, the story is fun, but the execution just isn't there.

C

Bright: Orc Lives Matter

Don't. I repeat do not... expect Bad Boys with orcs and fairies and elves. This is one of the ways the film has been marketed. It's a tough and gritty cop drama, but with mismatched partners: human Will Smith and an orc. What a ripe situation for a buddy comedy, right? Well, actually I'd have to agree with you IF this was the route that Bright had taken. However, it's not. It's typical David Ayer humorless gritty cop drama (Dark Blue, Harsh Times, End of Watch, Sabotage, Suicide Squad) like most of his other films. Sometimes it works (Training Day), but it's mostly tired. Bright decides to cross genres and pit fantasy characters -- like the aforementioned orcs and elves and fairies-- with real life LAPD. It's difficult to pitch a movie like this: Okay, so there's like all these super nerdy fantasy characters, right? But now we put them into a Training Day type movie where we attempt (and fail) at examining real-life race problems with cops within the U.S. I truly believe there is a way to do this and somewhat succeed, but Bright isn't that movie. 

Bright is the story of our world-- IF we shared it with fantasy characters. The orcs are known as the thugs around LA. The elves are the rich posh assholes. The humans are... well... humans and they have to co-mingle with these creatures. The first ever Orc cop Nick (Joel Edgerton) has been forced to partner up with Ward (Will Smith). Their partnership has already begun quite rocky. While Nick is purchasing a burrito, Ward is shot by another orc. Nick chases the orc on foot, but he "gets away". Everyone, including Ward himself, and Internal Affairs, believes Nick allowed the assailant to get away because of a clan-blood-pact or something and that he will always value orc lives over human lives. This puts into motion a plan within the department to frame Nick and get him ousted from the LAPD. However, the story leads us into the territory with this evil elf Leilah (Noomi Rapace) trying to summon a dark lord to enslave humanity. Only she needs a magic wand to do it-- a wand that has been stolen by elf defector Tikka, who just happens to be in custody of - you guessed it-- Nick and Ward. Oh, and there's only like a fraction of a percent of people who can even use magic wands. Those who can't explode and die when they touch it. Those who can are called Brights. Yeah. 

Here's the deal with this movie. It's always going to sound kinda stupid no matter how you explain it, but there is a right way and a wrong way to present the movie. The right way should've been to hire charismatic actors to lend some serious credence to the story (like Will Smith and Joel Edgerton). However, it still ends up... pretty stupid. The biggest reason Bright doesn't work the way it is intended to is that it is a movie that must earn its audience's attention. Because of the fact that it's always going to sound like a dumb idea, there needs to be a fun and inventive way to grab the audience and show them that this is a world that is worth discovering and going on an adventure inside of it. But, it isn't. The dialogue is terrible. Will Smith is able to transcend a lot of bullshit because he is such an enthralling actor (he even sold me on Seven Pounds and that movie was a pile of pig shit). But there hits a breaking point where not even Will Smith can save it. The dude makes a Shrek joke reference that not only doesn't land, but it's got me shaking my head embarrassed at one of my favorite actors. Most of the film is like this. Poor dialogue that doesn't feel organic and it's either strange strings of yelling and profanity... or explanatory dialogue to make sure the confusing plot isn't too confusing for viewers.  There are also plot holes galore. Character motivations don't make sense. Where the story winds up doesn't make sense. People are looking all over the city for this magic wand holding trio and yet the only people who can seem to find them are the bad guys. Ward is portrayed as a family man who will do anything for his wife and daughter, yet all of the "police" moves he makes puts himself in such danger that he doesn't seem to give two shits about his own well-being and never once considers his family before pursuing a fruitless suicide mission. Even Nick's motivation of becoming a cop isn't believable. When I found myself constantly questioning what in the hell is going on followed by questioning why someone would do something they just did... I had to realize that what I was watching wasn't any good. 

It's just not an interesting movie to watch. You watch it to see if the outlandish combination of genres actually works and after only about ten minutes you'll realize it's not. I am one who will pretty much watch anything with Will Smith. The dude has a charisma that's only matched by a handful of actors in Hollywood, but he's been on this trend of picking dark and brooding characters that he's losing that Will Smith charm that made him a star in the first place. He picked roles in movies like Independence Day and Men in Black and Bad Boys and even the shitty Wild Wild West where his snarky magnetic and fun performances elevated the films from decent to great. Yet, nearly every movie he's chosen since Men in Black 3 have been these intense, quiet, depressed, subdued and angry characters that it's difficult to watch Smith and have the same kind of joy we once felt with him. I understand an actor wants to challenge themselves and not tie themselves down to a single role type, but by trying to avoid the spunky characters he used to portray, he's giving us characters too flawed and unhappy to enjoy. Seriously look at the movies: After Earth, Focus, Concussion, Suicide Squad, Collateral Beauty and now Bright. What could've been a really interesting buddy-cop dynamic went a darker and more uncomfortable path. Smith doesn't like his orc partner. He doesn't want anything to do with him and he expresses that. Nick's retorts are to take the high road and make jokes (like one half of a buddy cop duo), but Ward's responses are so dark and hostile and uncomfortable, he becomes a seriously unlikable character. This is fine to have, but most audiences, including myself, don't want to watch Will Smith as unlikable. In fact, the movie is so populated with unlikable characters, the only person we do connect with is actually Nick. But, we're supposed to feel bad for him and the way that he's treated just because he's different (and we do), but we're also supposed to care that they want to oust him from the police department... when he's actually a pretty terrible cop. He makes the most mistakes of any cop on screen and I'm supposed to care about this Orc not losing his job? He's supposed to be the first one ever to finally become a cop and all I can think about is how??

Bright's reach exceeds its grasp too often that the audience is left confused and angry. It tries to do so many things at once (including make racial and political statements that only weakly translates) that it fails to successfully complete one of them. This is such a new world we're thrown into that we only get part of the mythos of the world. We're left with so many questions about just the world in general that it's difficult to become immersed in the plot. Then we have the characters that are hard to connect to and a villain whose motivation we don't exactly understand and a build up to a battle that doesn't really ever happen and characters that seem important but in the grand scheme of the movie don't contribute anything... it's just an exhausting exercise of surrealism crossing into realism that doesn't pan out. It was a decent effort, but it didn't work this time and even someone as charismatic and film-saving as Will Smith can't bring this one back from the dead. 

D+

The Shape of Water: Del Toro's Passion Project Is Breathtaking

Pay attention, Hollywood. Pay very close attention to what your audience is telling you. Look at what movies people are buzzing about. Don't just pay attention to numbers. Yes, if you look at the highest grossing movies of 2017 it takes until the 12th movie down (Dunkirk) before we get something original. But look at the top 30-- Get Out, Split, Coco, Girls Trip, Baby Driver... we're willing to see original films. The best movies of the year aren't remakes or sequels or spinoffs or prequels (though Marvel did have a banner year). The best movies of the year are the original movies. And among them is definitely The Shape of Water, Guillermo Del Toro's passion project. He wisely gave up helming a sequel to Pacific Rim in order to bring us this gem that's not going to cross the top 30 in money, but will be remembered longer and appreciated better than a Pirates of the Caribbean sequel.

The Shape of Water is a BEAUTIFUL movie. I don't just mean the imagery and the set design and the make up and the overall look of the movie, but the story and the characters and the heart as well. Everything about this movie is pure beauty. Say what you will about Del Toro's past films, he knows how to present a movie. Crimson Peak, in my opinion, was a bit of a misfire, but it was gorgeous to look at. The Hellboy movies might be a bit junky in their own right... but they're fascinating to watch. Del Toro can sometimes go all over the place with his writing, but every once in awhile, everything clicks and we get movies like Pan's Labyrinth and now, The Shape of Water. 

During the Cold War in the early 1960s, Elisa Esposito (Sally Hawkins) is a mute woman working as a night shift janitor at an Aerospace Research Facility called Occam with friend Zelda (Octavia Spencer). During a clean-up, an amphibious being called The Asset is brought in and held captive in the facility. The Asset is guarded by hard-nosed General Strickland (Michael Shannon). Elisa and the Asset form an (unspoken) bond and after she witnesses how poorly he's being treated (tortured), she hatches a plan with her friend and neighbor Giles (Richard Jenkins) to help the Asset escape the facility. Here's where it gets kinda weird and it's really one of those things you won't be able to accurately explain right-- Elisa and this amphibious fish creature... kinda... fall in love. I know! It sounds crazy and weird and gross and how could it possibly be beautiful? I don't know. But Del Toro is the guy to pull something like that off. Because it really is beautiful.

Del Toro's vision is unparalleled. In Pan's Labyrinth, during a dark war he's able to bring light. He was able to craft a gothic-fairy-tale-love-story-horror-movie with Crimson Peak. And here, he's able to bring the feel of being submerged in water to a Cold War era fantasty-monster(ish)-movie. Everything is presented in sea blues and teals and there's a bounce to the movie. It's almost hypnotic to watch. And, once again, his monster is crafted brilliantly. I love watching brand new Del Toro creatures because they're so intricate and complex and brilliant to look at. This is the guy who should be making a Star Wars movie. So, even if you aren't feeling the lady bangs a fish plotline of the story... there's always something to look at.

The performances are terrific as well. I love what 2017 has been doing as far as bringing female actors to the forefront and writers actually writing strong roles for women. For the first time in a long time the Best Actress Oscar category is not going to be an easy one to choose. There's going to be a fight for the award. Between Meryl and Francis McDormand and Saoirse Ronan and Judi Dench and Jessica Chastain... now comes Sally Hawkins (and she doesn't utter a single word). Hawkins gives such an emotionally resonant performance, she sells the story that sounds difficult to pitch with a straight face. You cheer for her, you root for her, you pity her, you are enthralled with her and it's because of her performance. It's subtle, but poignant. It's quiet (obviously), but beautiful. I'd never really seen her in anything before this, but I'm looking forward to seeing her in a lot more in the future (pay attention Hollywood!).

Everyone else is perfection as well. I love me a good ole Michael Shannon villain. And I'm not talking about over-the-top General Zod type crap. I'm talking about an understated just nasty human being who's been written well with depth and layers and shadows of terror lurking underneath those terrifying eyes of his. Octavia Spencer provides some comic relief, but she's the best person for the role. She knows she's there to bring some levity to the screen, but she's also portraying a complex character herself. It's wonderful that she's the translator for Elisa in the 60s. She gets the most lines in a time when most African-American actresses would've been silenced. Richard Jenkins is always a treat to have in a film and it's no different here. In a role that was originally written for Ian McClellan, Jenkins gives us a performance that convinces (at least me) that there was no one else better for the role.

What I'm trying to say is that this movie is not very commercial and it's going to be difficult to convince those who aren't privy to Del Toro's work to trust the surreal storyline, but I'm telling you this is one of the best movies of 2017. There's something in here for everyone and it's nothing short of breathtaking. It is a Del Toro movie, so amid the gorgeous imagery and brilliant characters and fascinating love story is some serious violence. This is the type of fantasy that I enjoy and Del Toro, when he's on, can be the one to deliver some of the best. With The Shape of Water let me just tell you: he's on... and then some.

A