Sunday, January 4, 2015

The 11 Best and 10 Worst Movies of 2014


 2014 was a strange year for movies.  I feel like I say that every year at the end because lately I've been let down by the year's movies.  Sequels, reboots, Superheroes and prequels are reigning supreme and the original idea is slowly dying in favor of something else that will make a shitload more money because it was printed by Marvel.  This year wasn't a HORRIBLE year for movies, but it wasn't great.  There also wasn't an abundance of Oscar baiting movies at the end of the year either.  The good movies were strangely sporadic this year and spread out so that the year of movies felt... underwhelming.  There were certainly a lot more duds than there were winners, but I've got what I feel are the best movies of this year.  Let it be known that I have NOT seen American Sniper, Inherent Vice, Whiplash, or Rosewater and if and when I do and they're better than anything on the list, I will amend the list.  For now, on to the top 11 best movies of 2014!

The Top 11 BEST Films of 2014:


11. Fury













Fury hit home for me because of its realism.  It was dark and gritty and it didn't hold back.  There were no great inspiring speeches and all of its characters were very flawed, but it was able to paint a very accurate portrait of the life of a soldier in World War II.  Brad Pitt is great, as he always is, and so is everyone else in the movie.  This is a definite must-see for movie lovers.
Review here.


10. Boyhood












Boyhood took a fantastic concept, and one that had to work because there were no do-overs, and succeeded.  Director Richard Linklater filmed the (scripted) life of a boy every year for twelve years.  The movie is about a young boy growing up into a man traveling between his divorced mother and father while the actual actor grows up.  There's a lot of eye-rolling towards the end of the movie when the kid gets really emo and gay, but that's how teens ACTUALLY are-- emo and gay.  It's neat to watch the boy grow up, but it's even neater to watch our culture change in just twelve years.
Review here.


9. Snowpiercer

 










There's a running theme so far in my favorite movies-- originality.  While I know Fury is based on actual events, it takes an original spin on the WWII film genre.  Boyhood took a very original spin on the coming of age story.  And Snowpiercer is able to make a very original twist on the post-apocalyptic genre.  Here we've got a train that circles the globe containing the only living human beings on the Earth.  The train is even divided up into a class system in which the lowest class stages an uprising against the rest of the train.  It's so very strange, but so very cool and exciting to watch.  You're not really going to be sure you liked what you just watched once you've watched it, but you'll know you really want to watch it again.
Review here.


8. Guardians of the Galaxy


 










Okay, okay, I know I've kinda contradicted myself here by throwing on not only a superhero movie, but a Marvel movie as well.  I began this list chastising them and have been talking ever since about the running theme of this list as movies that are original.  I get it.  It still doesn't take away from the fact that Guardians of the Galaxy was a phenomenal movie.  What made it even better for me, personally, was that I had no desire to see it.  I'm sick of the superhero genre.  Just plain tired of it.  And seeing this, it just didn't interest me at all.  However, I saw it and it's probably my favorite superhero movie next to The Dark Knight.  It's a great movie because it's NOT a superhero movie.  It's an anti-superhero movie.  It takes all of the superhero tropes and gives it a unique spin.  It perfectly weaves action and comedy and heart into one fantastic film.
Very lackluster review here.


7. Edge of Tomorrow











Edge of Tomorrow may have been the most surprising movie of the year for me, which is probably why it makes the list so far into it than it should.  Again, like Guardians, I had zero desire to watch it.  Tom Cruise doesn't sit well with me even though he makes decent movies.  After seeing portions of Oblivion and being unenthused, I just had no inclination that this movie would be good... until I saw all the positive reviews and good word of mouth.  After seeing it, I wholly understand why.  It's a very clever sci-fi movie.  It's Groundhog Day in the future... and in space... and during an alien war... with Tom Cruise.  And Cruise is actually the best part.  He sheds his need to be a badass and actually pussifies himself for the role in order to be, well... a wimp.  Even if you hate Tom Cruise, or sci-fi, there's something her for everyone.
Review here.


6. Birdman (Or the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)












While creativity and uniqueness is the name of the game for a lot of my favorite movies this year, a new take on a genre or novelty is also very prevalent.  What I mean by this is that in Birdman the director takes the novelty of shooting the film to make it look like it is one continuous shot.  This has been done before and there's never really been a reason to it only for people to notice and exclaim how cool it is and how hard it must've been to film.  But, in Birdman there's a reason-- the movie revolves around an actor trying to successfully put on a play so the movie is shot using one continuous shot-- just like a play.  In a live performance there are no do-overs, no re-takes.  It's a brilliant film.  It's funny, it's weird, it's beautiful and it's one of the best movies of the year.  See it for Keaton alone, stay for the rest.
Review here.


5. The Lego Movie

 









I'd considered several times moving this towards the bottom of the list near numbers nine and ten but every time I thought about moving it down I thought about how much I love this movie.  It shouldn't have been, either.  It should've been an obnoxious sell-out of a movie about Legos.  But it wasn't.  It's very clever and downright hilarious.  There's so much heart to the movie and it teaches actual lessons that are important for everyone, not just kids, to be able to learn.  It kinda just snuck out into theaters last February implying that the studios were just kinda trying to get rid of it, but it ended up being my favorite animated film of not just this year but the last few years.  Very worth a watch.



4. The Grand Budapest Hotel

 














I'm kind of a sucker for Wes Anderson and as long as he's pumping out movies like this, they will almost always make my list for best movies.  A couple of years ago it was Moonrise Kingdom, before that it was The Darjeeling Limited.  What's great about Anderson is that he has a style all his own and he also doesn't churn out movies as quickly as possible.  He's able to take his time and write/direct a beautiful film.  While Grand Budapest is one of my favorite movies of the year, it might actually be my favorite Wes Anderson film.  It's as if his life's work has culminated into this film.  It's his most beautifully shot film as well as his most quirky.  The characters are rich, the setting is gorgeous and the story is captivating.  Even if you aren't into the style of Wes Anderson, I think most people can appreciate this movie.
Review here.


3. Nightcrawler

 










What makes a great movie, and a movie worthy of this list, is a number of factors and one of which is re-watch value.  A movie can only be great, to me, if it has re-watch value.  If I see a movie and like it but don't have the desire to watch it again, then it probably will lose it's steam and I'll forget about it after awhile.  However, Nighcrawler has seemed to transcend that rule.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch it again, but it will stick with me forever.  Jake Gyllenhaal's performance is spectacular and about the creepiest thing you'll have seen all year.  I don't even know what genre to throw this movie into, it's just something you have to see for yourself... because it's brilliant... and so very uncomfortable to watch.
Review here.


2. Chef

 












Since seeing this movie in theaters I have watched Chef a total of five times.  Mostly because the plot of the movie somewhat resembles that of a novel I'm teaching in one of my classes and any excuse to show a movie-- you take it.  But, what I've been able to see in those five viewings is how incredible a movie Chef is.  The first time I saw it (but never actually reviewed it, sorry... it got an A) I liked it.  I didn't love it.  I didn't think it was the greatest film ever, but it had its moments.  After each subsequent viewing I knew that it was something special.  Not only has it become one of the best movies of the year, it has become one of my favorite movies ever.  There is so much happening in Chef, but down to its core its a relationship movie between a father and a son.  Yes, it's about going after your dream... even figuring out what your dream is... but chasing your dream so that you can achieve happiness, but it's also about the rocky relationship between a man and his son and how he's able to fix it and be a great father.  These are themes that are very important to my life, so it spoke to me personally.  But even if the movie doesn't speak to you, I personally believe everyone will get something out of Chef, even if it is just a good time watching a film and a few laughs.



1. Gone Girl

 













It may just be my affinity for David Fincher movies or the fact that since I had no idea what to expect when watching the film that my mind was essentially blown, but I had the most fun watching a movie in theaters with this film.  Gone Girl took me, personally, on a roller coaster ride of emotions and jaw-drops.  Watching the MOST dysfunctional couple in the history of couples on screen was a blast. It helps when there's a competent director at the help and surprise performances from great actors, but I found nothing wrong with this film.  The minute it was over I wanted to watch it again.  I haven't felt the rush and joy I experienced while watching this film in quite a while and that's why it's my favorite movie of the year.
Review here.


HONORABLE MENTIONS: The Babadook, Foxcatcher, Men Women and Children, Wild



The Top 10 WORST films of 2014:


10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

 










I'm not entirely sure how you make Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles boring.  It's life-size turtles... that know karate... and have weapons... and eat pizza... and fight shit.  And yet, I was bored out of my mind watching this film.  I was also incredibly creeped out at how they looked.  It also kinda weirded me out how they decided to turn Michelangelo into this crazy pervy sex-fiendMegan Fox is a piece of attractive toast.  She literally does nothing the whole film.  I don't know how dudes in turtle suits and/or claymation turtles (still not entirely sure which one is accurate) from the 80s made for more interesting movies, but they definitely did.  Skip this one for sure.
Review here.


9. This Is Where I Leave You












Ah, the privileged white people movie.  There are as many of these released every year as there are inspirational sports in the rain movies released by Disney.  This one actually had promise.  Tina Fey, Jane Fonda, Jason Bateman... it sounded like a decent cast and it it's source material book was acclaimed.  But, instead we get a bunch of white people who hate each other who are going through some sort of white problem and Adam Driver figuring out how NOT to act in a comedy (seriously, am I the only one who really doesn't like this dude?).  If you want that inspirational white people movie to give a crap about... watch St. Vincent.  This movie is just too white.
Review here.


8. As Above, So Below











For the love of God and everything holy can we PLEASE stop with the found footage movie???  I actually still give praise for the first Paranormal Activity for rejuvenating that novelty and having great success with it... but was it worth it PA???  Huh??? Are you proud of what you've created?  Are you happy that someone has essentially tried to remake a great horror film (The Descent) by simply using found footage and placing the people in the catacombs of France instead of some other kinda cave thing?  Are you happy that this movie serves no purpose whatsoever but simply to steal money from innocent people?  Are you happy that they kill the black guy first??? It's 2014, bitch, you can't still kill the black guy first!  Are you insane??  Are you happy that the scariest thing in this movie is seeing a door with a latin phrase and a cross on it... then seeing it a little later upside down???  TERRIFYING.  This movie... and it's contents... belong exactly where everyone in the film goes... deep in Hell.
Review here.


7. The Monuments Men












Well, Clooney, I'm sorry to say, but they can't all be winners.  But, especially this suck-ass of a film you tried to call "important".  I'm sorry, but if I'm watching a film about World War II, I want to see people who I actually care about.  You give no one in the movie any sort of character background or importance, so when someone dies... I didn't honestly give a shit.  I mean, they're fake-ish soldiers trying to steal art back from the Nazis.  It's a... idea... for sure... but really, who cares? I love the cast and I especially love you as a director, Cloon-dog, but this movie is eerily similar to The Men Who Stare At Goats.  They both have a great cast, but not much in the way of a plot or character development or anything that makes movies interesting and fun to watch.  Swing and a miss, Cloon-ol-boy... you'll get 'em next time.



6. The Purge: Anarchy













Oh, you dirty, rotten, purging sonsabitches.  You're killing me!  Why is it that my need for The Purge movies to be good lets me down so hard???  It's like the first movie was such a great idea... but they failed at it.  Hard.  So, they made a sequel in order to make up for the piss that was the original.  They even took the advice of fans: "man, this was a great idea, but confining it to a house was probably the worst idea ever... I'd love to see The Purge on the streets, man."  And they did it!  They restructured the script to make it bigger... and shittier.  Same writer and director... how did I think it was going to be better?  It's just as bad, if not worse than the original.  And here's the best part-- I don't even remember why.  I just remember being so incredibly angry at the end of this film that I decided to go bash myself in the head with a hammer a bunch of times so that I forgot why I hated it and can eventually see the third one and get just as mad.  It's a never ending purge cycle.
Review here.


5. Godzilla














Here's a list of what NOT to do when rebooting the Godzilla franchise if you want to make a successful movie: 1. Don't make it boring.  2. Don't make Godzilla the good guy.  3. If you have decided to ignore rule number two, then please don't make Godzilla fight a giant butterfly.  4.  If you decide to ignore rules two and three please don't make the giant butterfly have a female and give it an extended awkward sex scene.  5. Don't cast a relevant and relatable actor, plaster him all over the trailer, and then kill him in the first twelve minutes of the movie.  6. Don't have an entire subplot of a small Chinese boy looking for his parents.  7. Don't hide Godzilla until the last twenty minutes and then finally show him and piss everyone off because it's the title of the goddamn movie and that's who we came to see.  8. Don't let him blow blue fire.  9. Don't make people miss the Matthew Broderick version.  10.  Don't do ANYTHING that this film did.
Review here.


4. Noah












Noah is like... what is Noah like?  Noah is like a drunk person telling you the story of Noah.  It's like the cinematic version of Drunk History with actual respectable actors and a director I didn't think was capable of making a movie... like this.  This is how Noah is told-- "So, like there's this guy, right?  And he's like totally (hiccup) strong and shit and he has this wife and kid and they get this daughter and Anthony Hopkins lives in a hole in the Earth... like what is that shit... anyway, he's in a hole and God's like dude I'm gonna flood this bitch you need to build a boat but wait a second you're like one dude with a wife and a kid and anthony hopkins all old eating berrries ina  hole and stuff and so i'm going to give you rock monsters to build it and there's this other guy who's (hiccup) angry at you and wants to kill you and so you build the boat and the world floods and the guy is a stowaway creepin on your kid's mind and shit and he tries to kill you and you grow a beard, no wait, you don't grow a beard Noah grows a beard, anyway, the girl is pregnant and then out of nowhere it's like WHOA NOAH chill out dude it's just a baby and he's like FUCK YOU BRO I'M GONNA KILL IT and everyone starts being like damn noah you a dick man and he's like i know but i'm still gonna kill a baby.  Then he doesn't kill it and goes and bees a drunk and stays by himself on the beach as a drunk... yeah it's pretty cool."



3. Annabelle

 












Remember The Conjuring?  Remember how creepy and good that movie was?  Remember the side-plot involving that super creepy doll?  Do you remember that the scariest part about the doll was waiting for it to do something... but it never did?  Remember how if you get a room full of dipshits together in a room, bad ideas can still happen?  Someone please explain to me how you make an entire movie out of a creepy-looking doll that does... NOTHING.  That was the whole point of the Annabelle doll in The Conjuring.  The terror was waiting for it to do something... anything and when it didn't you were left with a little bit of relief, but mostly of terror.  How do you take that idea and turn it into a horror movie?  The doll can't do anything.  It sits on the shelf looking menacing and that's all it does.  And it's a prequel.  We know nothing happens with the doll or to the doll.  You could literally turn on The Conjuring, and at the last scene where the camera slowly zooms into the Annabelle doll's face, just pause it... stare at the screen for ninety minutes... then turn it off... and you've seen Annabelle.
Review here.


2. Into The Storm












Noah may have been told by a drunk, but Into the Storm was written by a six year old.  "Hey, tornadoes are so cool.  You know what's cooler?  Tornadoes and fire!"  I'm trying to pinpoint where everything went so horribly wrong with this movie.  I could go and blame Paranormal Activity once again for inspiring some choad to make a disaster movie a la found footage.  But, I've already done that.  I could chastise said choad for thinking it was a wise decision of casting "that guy who played the doctor in the first Hangover movie" as the lead role.  I could even go so far as to question God himself why he decided to make a choad as chaod-y as the choad who decided to make a tornado movie about tornados that can catch fire.  But, instead, I'm just going to lose faith in humanity itself and make an extensive list of things that I enjoy more than this movie... number one-- rubbing my face against a cheese grater, number two...
Review here.


1. Lucy










There are hardly words I can use to describe how much I hated, nay loathed, Lucy.  Maybe if I knew Spanish there would be a phrase that we don't have in English that can correctly express the feelings I had while watching this monstrosity.  It's kinda like this-- I want to be a filmmaker.  I want to write movies, maybe even direct my own one day.  But, if, for some reason, my dream is not accomplished and I find something else that I'm good at and I make a decent amount of money and I have a lovely wife and two to four wonderful children and good friends and I stay disease free and my kids go to Yale and I stay married and happy my entire life and die peacefully in my bed at 103... but the people who made Lucy still got it made and in a theater... I will have wasted my entire life.  People use ten percent of their brains.  Let's take for a minute that ANYONE still thinks that this is true... you can't make an entire movie about it!  That's like making a movie assuming there's people out there who still think that the Earth is flat.  Oh, she's tapped into more percentage of her brain so she can appear in cell phones and make Asian people fall down with a thought.  What?!?!?!  This movie has traveled so far into whatthefucksville, it will never be able to find its way out.  I've never felt dumber watching a movie that is supposed to be about smart people.  I left the theater dumb.  I couldn't do rudimentary math after watching Lucy.  I was drooling and looking for my helmut for three days after the movie ended.  Do not succumb to the belief that this movie is anything more than one person's sick joke to get a movie made that is so bad, only a select few noticed.  I hate Lucy so much that I have cut off all contact with all people named Lucy in my life... including my favorite aunt.  So thanks Scar-Jo.  She was really cool, too.
Review here.



HONORABLE MENTION: Ride Along, Tammy, Deliver Us From Evil, Sex Tape

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