Monday, February 20, 2017

A Cure For Wellness: A Destined Cult-Classic Or A Medically Induced Shit Coma?


Back when I was in high school, a movie was discovered and spread around the school like wildfire. It was a movie that hasn't aged very well, had many questions, but very few answers, tried to pose philosophical questions that when analyzed harder are complete bullshit... and everyone went gaga over it.  I'm, of course, referring to Donnie Darko.  It didn't do well in theaters and one asshole (probably me) watched it... had his "life changed"... and talked about it to everyone he knew until the entire school felt the same way. It became a cult classic for young people who thought they all were intellectuals who understood everything the movie was trying to say. If you watch Donnie Darko today, it's not the worst movie ever, but it's not good. A Cure For Wellness is either going to be forgotten in the next two months OR, for young millenials just coming out of junior high, it's going to be their Donnie Darko.

A Cure For Wellness is Shutter Island without the cop-out ending. There has to be a reason that there really aren't any "great" insane asylum horror movies. We all have it in our heads that shit back in the day that went on in those places is freaky as hell... but no one has really been able to make a movie that metabolizes those fears. The closest we've been is American Horror Story: Asylum and even they had to throw in some weird alien thing in case what they were doing with the mental institution wasn't working. Rising [brooding] star Dane DeHaan plays Lockhart, a young Wall Street executive who has been sent to Switzerland to retrieve his company's CEO from a "wellness center". Of course, the center is far from what it seems on the outside. The head of the facility, Dr. Volmer (Jason Isaacs) seems like a nice dude, but because Jason Isaacs is the villain in every movie he's ever been in... you know he's really up to some shady shit. After locating the CEO and trying to leave, Lockhart is involved in a car crash that breaks his leg and essentially traps him within the facility. From there a mystery surrounding the mysterious events surrounding the character surrounds the audience mysteriously.

The movie is an insane mess. It's definitely a creepy, freak out out viscerally type of film, but at no time does it try to actually scare you. It's there to put you at unease for two and a half hours. And at just under two and a half hours for real, it's a bloated schlep trying to reach the end. At 146 minutes, it could've been trimmed by nearly half and probably would've been a bit better. But they had to make sure there was plenty of time for, you know, not having a character arc for the protagonist. Seriously, we get our "hero" and he's this workaholic, greedy, money-hungry young Wall Street whatever who is so involved with his job he calls his dead father 'weak', is constantly eating nicotine gum, and treats his mother like shit. For the first half hour of the movie, this is what we get-- and he's never really redeemed at any time for this. He doesn't learn some big lesson, which makes me have to wonder why spend all that time on him anyway?

It actually plays out a lot like Shutter Island where what's happening around the asylum gets stranger and stranger and creepier and creepier and just when you think you're about to discover the twist, something happens to put the protagonist three steps further behind. I can commend A Cure For Wellness for not pulling the "you're actually crazy-- it's all in your head" ending or the "everything weird that happened was a delusion caused by a sensory deprivation tank" solution. The mystery that unfolds does have an ending that (mostly) explains the strange goings-on of the rest of the film.  The problem is-- it's really dumb. About an hour into the movie you realize that what's happening isn't particularly interesting, it's just visually bizarre. Then about 90 minutes, you're kind of just ready to get your answers... unaware you've still got nearly another hour to go. And once the ending reveals [most of] the answers you were seeking... it's very underwhelming, and just, kinda... dumb.

What the movie does well is, like I said earlier, put you in a constant state of unease. It is not a relaxing movie to watch. There is some pretty messed up stuff you're witnessing. From injured animals, to naked old people, to some very intense dental work, to eels(?) your stomach is churning as often as your mind is trying to figure out just where in the hell this is going to all tie in together. And as far as what audiences are looking for when it comes to a creepy mental institution horror movie, it succeeds to a point. What's visually stunning on screen is reduced significantly by its lackluster plot. There's a couple of easy "twists" that you'll see coming very early on in the film and think to yourself "well, that would be too easy... and probably too dumb... it couldn't be that..." If you happen to think these things, chances are... you're absolutely correct.

But it's also so incredibly deranged and weird that there are going to be people who absolutely love this movie. They're not going to be able to believe that you don't like it (probs cuz you just don't 'get it' bro). And in its weirdness is where it's going to assumedly find its cult followers. It's going to be a very polarizing movie because you're either going to love this movie or despise this movie-- whatever the case, it's going to be difficult to get out of your mind for a few days. If you love it, you'll try to get others to love it as well.  If you didn't care for it, as I didn't, I'm going to assume that it will leave my brain in a day or so and ne'er return. But, right now... even though I now I didn't really like what I watched... I'm still thinking about it.

It is nice to see Director Gore Verbinski (Pirates series, The Ring) get back behind the camera. He's got a definite eye for the strange and it's been too long since he's put anything out. And it's also nice to see that he's definitely taken a risk with a movie as bold and weird as this one. It's not for ones with a weak stomach because there is imagery in this film that is downright demented and vomit-inducing. If only the rest of the film, more specifically the script, ending, and CGI were as strong as some of the camerawork and design of the rest of the film. I'm assuming I'm probably never going to want to watch this movie again... and there are definite lingering questions that I want answers to, but the questions themselves are so dumb, I don't know if I actually want them... so, who really knows? Is this the Donnie Darko for "intellectual" millenials.... or is this just another swing and miss?

C-

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