2015 was a strong year for movies. Stronger than the last few years, anyways. There were a lot of really good movies, so much so that it overshadowed the terrible ones. It was also a year when the average moviegoer finally decided not to invest their time in bullshit and a lot of bad movies bombed. A few good movies bombed as well (poor Crimson Peak and Steve Jobs), but mostly people decided that if it got a low score on rottentomatoes then it wasn't worth their time. It was also the year that it was hard to pin down a best film of the year. There were a few great films, a lot of good films, but finding that best film of 2015 was a difficult decision. As with the last few years, I tried to stay away from most of the shit so my worst list doesn't necessarily have the worst movies of 2015, it's just the worst of what I saw. That's why Jupiter Ascending, Insurgent, Hot Pursuit, Entourage, Paper Towns, Fantastic Four, Hitman, Sinister 2, We Are Your Friends, Transporter, The Perfect Guy, The Last Witch Hunter, Victor Frankenstein and Point Break aren't on the list because I did not and would not watch them. I was actually very fortunate, with easy access to screeners, I saw all the movies I wanted to for the year 2015 (though if I missed one you loved, let me know). I'm also pulling the same crap I pulled last year where I couldn't nail down a solid ten so I went with eleven. Shut up. It's my blog. Deal with it. So, let's jump right into: The BEST of 2015!
The Top 11 BEST Film of 2015:
11. Dope
Dope was the indie surprise of the summer. It kinda came out of nowhere, but it was a blast to watch. While it unfolded a Big Lebowski-esque caper, it still carried with it it's own voice and style. It's a shame that the movie didn't get as much publicity and profit as it should have because it's a very enjoyable film that should find some of that return in Redbox rentals. Keep this one on your radar because it's one of the only films on this list that is both entertaining and original.
Review here.
10. Bridge of Spies
It's no surprise that the pairing of Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks is going to produce nothing short of greatness, but it is a bit of a surprise when you hear the term "cold war thriller" as something that merits your viewing or keeps your interest. Bridge of Spies wasn't so surprisingly good because it was a Hanks/Spielberg vehicle, but because of the source material that kept the viewer's attention all the way to the thrilling end. Oh, also the Coen Brothers wrote it, so it's pretty much a perfect film.
Review here.
9. The Hateful Eight
It's only been a few days since I've seen The Hateful Eight, but it's stuck with me. Walking away from the movie I knew that it didn't cross the top four or five of Tarantino's filmography but it has this thought provoking aftertaste to it that makes me just want to watch it and rewatch it over and over. It's a fantastic film with a very satisfying conclusion that brings us back to the Tarantino roots. And yes, it isn't his best movie, after a few days I've realized that it really is one of the best movies of the year.
Review here.
8. Love and Mercy
You may not have heard of Love and Mercy this year and that's a damn shame because it's a phenomenal film. It's the story of Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys and the examination of his life and disease. The film jumps from past Wilson as part of the Beach boys when he's played by Paul Dano to present Wilson dealing with his schizophrenia played brilliantly by John Cusack. It's a heartbreakingly beautiful film to see.
Review here.
7. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
I'm guessing there will be a bit of backlash for this movie not only being so high on the list, but making the list at all. How could you put Star Wars up on the best films over films like The Big Short or Anomalisa? The answer is I really liked it. I've never been a huge Star Wars fan, but this one really spoke to me. I loved the new characters, I loved the re-introduction of the classic characters, I thought the childish angst of the growing villain was perfect. It had heart, it had humor, it had everything. This was a perfect return to Star Wars form that has only left the door open for opportunity and improvement. It's well-deserving of the seventh spot.
Review here.
6. Mad Max: Fury Road
Was there a crazier, more ball-kicking, ratshitting unbelievably fun and grotesque film of the entire year? I submit that there was not. Mad Max had all the pieces in place to make a movie that only spoke to a select few. A repulsive post-apocalyptic world complete with certain humans known as "blood bags", a hero that only spoke probably five lines the entire movie, and a heroine with one arm. But it was good. Damn good. It was fresh, it was nuts, and it was a movie that showed us that a female-driven action film could be just as cool, if not cooler than any male-driven action flicks the entire year.
Review here.
5. Room
Room was a surprisingly emotional film of 2015. It's a small movie with really only four characters that focused on a young woman trapped for over a decade in a small room. During this, she gave birth to a son (the father of which is her captor) and finally escapes. The movie is told through the perspective of the boy, a kid who's never known anything but the inside of the room. It's so poignant and honest and while material like this should make you leave the theater feeling like shit, it's actually a very uplifting film. One of my favorites.
Review here.
4. Bone Tomahawk
Speaking of a little-seen film, Bone Tomahawk is a fantastic film. Western-themed, Kurt Russell driven films lately don't get much attention without the attachment of Quentin Tarantino as director, but this film was actually a little bit better than The Hateful Eight. It exudes all of the best qualities of a classic Tarantino film presented through fresh eyes. It's one of the bloodiest, most thrilling, and funniest movies of the entire year. This movie has everything you look for in a film. Plus, you can't beat the cast (especially Richard Jenkins who steals every scene he's in).
3. Inside Out
Review here.
2. The Revenant
I'm still reeling from The Revenant even a week after seeing it. The cinematography, the direction, the acting (especially Leo and Tom Hardy) make this one of the best movies, not just of the year, but that I've ever seen. From what I've heard it was a harrowing experience all around just filming the damn thing, but the product, to me, was well worth it. I know there are a lot of skeptics, but I'm telling you if this is what we had to wait for for Leo to get an Oscar, it was worth the wait.
Review here.
1. The Martian
Like I said earlier, it really was difficult to pin down a best movie of 2015 so I had to look back and think about the best time I had watching a film this year. Mad Max was fun, but in a crazy nutso kinda way. The Revenant was amazing, but in a very dark and painful way. But, The Martian was exemplary in giving audiences an authentic and very human experience that was both passionate and fun. Every actor cast was amazing, every problem that went awry you felt it, every throw away joke was not only funny, but welcome and organic. The Martian is the reason we go to the movies. It embodies every great quality of movies and was, essentially, my favorite movie of the year.
Review here.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: The Big Short, Brooklyn, Creed, Ex Machina, Kingsman: The Secret Service, Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, Spotlight
The Top Ten WORST Films of 2015:
10. Taken 3
This one isn't so much bad, but disappointing. Don't get me wrong... it was bad. But it was disappointing how bad it was. I love Liam Neeson and whenever he has to get revenge and kill hundreds of dudes to do it... you can't really go wrong. Except in the second and third Taken films. They were just bleh. The first movie struck gold and launched a good career for Neeson as an action star, but the rest of the series was just boring PG-13 crap. You want good Neeson revenge check out Run All Night.
Review here.
9. Poltergeist
There's a lot of reboots and sequels in the worst category because Hollywood doesn't understand that we don't need sequels to certain movies and we certainly don't need reboots of classic films, Poltergeist is one of them. Yes, it was cool to cast Sam Rockwell, but it really didn't do anything to add much to the film. It lost all of the fun qualities of the original in favor of cheap "scares" and CGI ghosts. While the effects of the original are quite dated, the movie still holds up to this day and didn't deserve this kind of reboot treatment.
Review here.
8. Goosebumps
I'm all for making a "scary"/fun movie for kids to be able to enjoy. Why should us as adults be the only ones to get the full effect of the genre? I'm just not for treating kids like they're idiots. Goosebumps actually got decent reviews so I was surprised to see how bad it was. Jack Black really needs to get back to his roots with comedy because this film made everything look foolish. It was another one in a long line of films that are so stupid and intentionally goofy so that "kids" will like all the silliness, except you can be silly and smart at the same time. Kids aren't dumb, but Hollywood insists on dumbing everything down because they don't know the right kind of movie to make. Maybe they could get a Pixar writer or two next time to lend a hand.
Review here.
7. Insidious: Chapter 3
The reason why the first Insidious was such a good film is it preyed upon things that were actually frightening to a viewer. An alarm going off in the middle of the night and the front door wide open, but no one is inside. Ghosts appearing in your baby's room. Your child in a coma which is actually another deminsion riddled with ghosts. The apparitions were new and freaky looking and it was a terrific horror movie. By the third, we've got one ghost. A decomposing dude with asthma. It wasn't scary. It wasn't fun. It was boring and lost all the magic from the first movie making it one of the most disappointing films of 2015.
Review here.
6. Aloha
Man, this movie sucked a fat butt. It was a great cast and one of my favorite writer/directors and it was just a mess. There was no real coherent plot. There was an abysmal love story. The characters were obnoxious and nowhere near resembling real humans. It wasn't cute or funny. It was a misfire on nearly every level you can misfire when making a movie. No one remembers it came out anyway and video stores no longer exist, so hopefully it can just disappear into the ether until Cameron Crowe can give us his redemption film.
Review here.
5. Hot Tub Time Machine 2
The first film should never have worked. A film about a hot tub that is also a time machine is something you'd find in a short sketch on SNL or FunnyOrDie, but not a full film. But, somehow it did. So, you know a sequel would be happening and if John Cusack who literally takes any role says that he won't do it because the script is a pile of trash, then it must be worse than we imagine. And it is. It's terrible beyond all recognition. It doesn't elicit a single laugh and it's more about how much out-dated raunch can we fit into one abysmal film.
Review here. (Though you don't have to read it as it's only three words long.)
4. Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension
Fuck you, Paranormal Activity. Way to bastardize a franchise that certainly had a chance and end with the worst one of the entire series. Lets build up this kind of cool mythology, not really explain any of it and give any closure to the franchise. Let's release a terrible last film so that people don't get mad that we didn't tie up any loose ends and just forget about us altogether. The "hook" for this film was that we FINALLY get to see the activity. So, by see the activity you mean instead of shit moving on its own, it's a stringy black goop-like substance doing it for us visually. That's perfect. Except did we forget that the reason the first film was so great is that the horror was left up to our imaginations and the unseen is what freaked us out. If I had known it was black goop I would've saved five years of my life. The problem, too, is the one before this redeemed the three before that. The Marked Ones was a return to form and it was just forcibly held down and shat upon with this final entry. Fuck you all for making me think there'd be some satisfying conclusion to a series that I cared about once upon a time.
3. Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser
The first Joe Dirt is dumb. It's like getting pelted in the head with a bag of hammers dumb. But, I saw it when I was a kid and I liked it. I've seen bits and pieces here and there since then and it's not funny, but it carries with it some nostalgia that makes me keep it on. Did it warrant a sequel? About as much as Titanic deserves a sequel or Reservoir Dogs or The fucking Benchwarmers. I didn't even finish Joe Dirt 2 as I could tell that it was severely lowering my IQ. It was about the time a bunch of lumberjacks in a (I shit you not) ten minute scene just repeatedly kept farting all over David Spade. It was ten minutes. I couldn't handle it anymore. Spade was funny with Farley and his stand up is pretty good, but please Jesus keep him away from film that has anything to do with Happy Madison. I found myself outside whipping myself with a switch after watching the movie as punishment for even suggesting we even watch it.
2. Pixels
Go ahead and start writing your suicide note to the Easter Bunny if you liked this movie because there is something wrong with you and you shouldn't ever be behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. You should be sitting on one of the Toys-R-Us racks inside of a kid-sized RC car with your hands at ten and two. It's unfunny, it's incredibly sexist, and it's an abomination. When someone had the idea for this film it was kind of the exact opposite of when Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. I don't know how Chris Columbus got involved with directing this. He either got blackmailed or had multiple bowling balls land on the soft spot of his skull.
Review here.
1. Jurassic World
This was the worst movie of the entire year. Not just because it was an egregious waste of talent and money, but because it was supposed to be good. It was supposed to revitilize the Jurassic Park name in a time where effects are at its most beautiful peak. It was supposed to showcase good writing and be, for all intents and purposes, the most fun movie of the year. After Guardians of the Galaxy properly showed us how to utilize Chris Pratt, the writers of Jurassic World took those ideas and gave it the ol' helicopter dick. This is how I imagine the writing of the script went down between its FOUR writers:
Rick Jaffa: Hey, so I'm thinking about the lead character. It needs to be like that fun Jeff Goldblum type for people to root for, you know? But like a badass and with fun and clever quips!
Amanda Silver: Why does it have to be a dude? Can't it be a chick?
Derek Connolly: We got a chick. She's a workaholic stereotype and she runs around the entire movie in high heels. That's... badass...
Colin Trevorrow: Fuck character! DINOSAURS!
RJ: Colin, you're the director, you should care about character.
CT: Dinosaurs. I want one that's like T-Rex, but like more evil and shit and then T-Rex fights it and T-Rex is good now. And an underwater Dinosaur that pops up out of nowhere like the shark from Deep Blue Sea.
DC: Deep Blue Sea was a really stupid movie.
CT: NUH UH! CUZ IT HAD SHARKS, DICK!
RJ: Look, back to the main guy... I'm thinking Chris Pratt from Guardians or Parks and Rec.
DC: He's good, but I don't think we should do the whole Pratt schtick that people love. He should be really, really boring. He should only have one look... serious face. And he should never say anything funny... the audience is expecting that. It's all about defying audience expectation.
CT: You wanna defy audience expectation... let's make the raptors blue this time.
AS: Blue? Raptors weren't blue, they were brown.
CT: They're blue now. I'm the director. I get to make these choices. I want all dinosaurs. Fake ones. And blue ones. And strippers. Put a bunch of strippers in my trailer.
AS: If we're defying expectation why is the lead woman a stereotype?
RJ/DC/CT: BECAUSE SHE'S A WOMAN!
DC: I have a real problem with this script... it's too much fun. Let's ruin everyone's childhood that grew up loving the original. They'll be all like, "Spielberg, who?" I want all jokes written out and I want the intelligent child characters we have written to be changed into whiny ones.
CT: Yeah, and they're good at building cars and stuff. DINOSAURS!
AS: Building cars? What the fuck, Trevorrow? What movie are you trying to direct?
CT: Anybody want some coke? I'm gonna get Amanda drunk and do lines off her ass!
AS: I'm standing right here.
RJ: Last thing before we go off writing... we don't really have a villain.
AS: Why do we need a villain... we're on an island with rogue dinosaurs.
CT: Dinosaurs?!
RJ: That's not enough. Let's put some crazy general in there to fuck some shit up.
CT: Yeah, yeah, he could like wanna train the dinosaurs as soldiers and fight the A-rabs. BENGHAZI!!!
AS: This movie is gonna suck.
CT: (smiling through a heroin haze) Totally.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Chappie, The Gunman, The Ridiculous 6, Vacation
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