Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Upcoming Best and Worst of Summer 2015



BEST UPCOMING:

5/15
Mad Max: Fury Road














Everything I've seen/read about this film suggests that it's going to be two hours of batshit craziness and fun.  Tom Hardy has a great track record when it comes to scripts and original Mad Max director George Miller is finally able to make the movie he wanted to make with all of the effects he can use at his disposal.  There's legitimately not a movie this summer that I'm THIS excited about.  It's going to be an awesome ride.


5/22

Tomorrowland













I'm not entirely confident that this movie is going to be one of summer's "best" per se, but there is a lot of positive going for it.  For one, yes, I know technically it's not an "original" idea because it's based of a section of an amusement park, but beyond that the story is actually all original.  Though the concept isn't, the script is and I don't rightly believe that Clooney would sign up for it if the script wasn't up to par.  Also, director Brad Bird (The Simpsons, The Incredibles, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol) turned down doing a Star Wars movie for this one.  He's got a track record as well for not letting me down, so I have to take a shot and say this movie is going to be good.


Poltergeist













Remakes of good, old horror movies usually don't instill much confidence in me or in the general public.  Yet they still mass produce them every single year.  Growing up, Poltergeist was one of my favorite scary movies.  It's got elements to it that still hold up (the counting down of the storm, the attack of the tree, the clown under the bed, etc.) and it upsets me that it has to be redone instead of letting someone else come up with their own horror classic.  However, it it must be done, I'm glad it's Sam Rockwell, Sam Raimi and Gil Kenan.  Raimi is [mostly] trustworth when it comes to horror remakes and Kenan, who directed Monster House showed us that he can be scary and fun at the same time. I've got a good feeling about this one.


5/29

San Andreas













Oh, shut up.  I know it's probably going to get a 33% on rottentomatoes and it's going to get laughed at by indie arthouse snubs who are walking out of the latest french dickfest.  I don't care.  Disaster movies are fun.  And The Rock is even more fun.  Put them together and you're going to have a blast.  The characters are going to be hollow.  The dialogue is going to be cringeworthy.  The plot is going to be awful.  And the movie is going to be amazing.  Just let that 12 year old boy inside of you win this one.  You know you're going to like it.


6/5

Spy













San Andreas and now this?  I have a feeling I'm losing you.  Hang on just a second.  I know watching Melissa McCarthy falling down a lot sounds about as much fun as Paul Blart 2, let me give you my side of it, first.  So, the director, Paul Feig, also directed Bridesmaids, so we know he's not a complete idiot.  He's also the one helming Ghostbusters, the all female version.  The reviews from Cannes was that this movie is going to be one of the funniest, if not THE funniest movie of the year.  That they finally found that balance of fat chick falls down and heart.  Also, Jason Statham apparently has hidden comedy chops that come out in this film and steal the show.  So, I'm all for funny and I'm all for Statham.  I bet the movie doesn't suck the way you think it will.


Insidious: Chapter 3













I thoroughly enjoyed the first Insidious.  I thought it relied a little too heavily on jump scares but at least it was something new and clever.  Director James Wan of the first two hands the reigns over to his screenwriter Leigh Whannell to direct the film for the first time.  Now, we've got the writer in the director's chair.  It's at least going to be a fun little scary movie that will probably provide for one or two major scares if nothing else.  It looks like it'll be better than the second one, at least.


6/12

Jurassic World













Speaking of letting the 12 year old boy inside of you out... this is the mother of all summer movies right here.  It's probably not going to be even close to the original, but chances are it'll be better than two or three.  Two was a little bit too awkward and King Kong-y and three was just lame.  I mean, seriously, three people died in Jurassic Park 3.  I've seen more people die in the trailer for Jurassic World than in 3.  Plus, it's got Chris Pratt... probably the most watchable actor in film right now.  If nothing else, there's gonna be some cool visual shit and some Pratt quips to keep you in the game.  I mean, it's dinosaurs dude.  Don't be so high strung.  You know you'll see it.


6/19

Inside Out













YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Pixar returns!!!  This might be the most obvious post of all of them.  It's Pixar's return to the big screen that isn't a sequel, prequel, or spin off.  It's an original movie (which will bring with it an original short) that looks as endearing as it does hilarious.  This looks like classic Pixar and I'm very excited about it.


7/17

Trainwreck













Amy Schumer is about as brilliant as it gets right now for contemporary comedy.  With Judd Apatow behind the lens in a Schumer penned script, there's not really a duo that I'm going to trust more (minus, like, a Key and Peele movie written by Louis CK or something).  It's only an added bonus that prelim reviews come in that it's smart and hilarious... and Bill Hader is in it.  It's going to be raunchy, it's going to be hilarious, and it's going to be great.


7/24

Southpaw 













He was snubbed for Nightcrawler, so here it is... Gyllenhaal is going for that Oscar gold.  It's a boxing movie.  Check.  It's a family drama.  Check.  He's all deformed and mentally unstable.  Check.  Yeah, this is pretty much all the Oscar bait you need right there.  It doesn't hurt that the movie genuinely looks good.  And whoever found the little girl playing his daughter probably deserves a promotion because kid looks like she can act.  Get 'em Gyll.


7/31

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation

 











What can I say?  They have figured out how to do Mission Impossible movies.  Other than the second one, they're all pretty entertaining, smart, and fun.  I know that Tom Cruise still isn't a huge box office draw, but he makes good movies.  Edge of Tomorrow was one of the best movies of last year.  Also, with the addition of Simon Pegg as a regular really helps boost the fun factor.  I'm excited for it.

8/14

Straight Outta Compton













As much as Selma was a movie that needed to be told, so is the story of N.W.A. Especially with what's been happening in the world lately, this is a movie that is going to speak truth as well as be a biopic.  Unfortunately, I can't eloquently explain WHY exactly the movie needs to be told due to my whiteness... just watch the trailer and you'll see why this movie is going to be exactly what people need... and why it's going to be a really good film.  (This review was intentionally written by a dumb white male).


WORST UPCOMING:


6/5

Entourage













To be fair, I never have seen the show Entourage, so maybe there's something in the trailer or the premise that I just don't get... but this movie looks like piss.  From what I've heard from former fans of the show is that it went on waaaayyyy too long and that there is no need for a movie (unlike, say, an Arrested Development movie which NEEDS to be made).  It's going to be an unfunny mess that will make zero money because no one gives a crap about these guys anymore.  I don't have to tell you to avoid it-- you know you already will.


6/26

Max













Never heard of this movie?  Don't know what the hell it even is?  Don't worry.  You're not alone.  I don't even know if this is going to come out wide or straight to Redbox or not.  But, it's going to suck.  Kid goes into the marines.  Kid has friend german shepard.  Kid dies. German shepard returned to kid's little brother... brother bonds with dog.  Dog has PTSD.  Dog probably dies at the end.  It's hokey Warner Bros. trash and it needs to not exist.


7/3

Terminator: Genysis













Oh, this one hurts, folks.  This one realllllllyyyyyyy hurts me to say.  Everything in me WANTS it to be good.  Everything in me wants whoever took the reigns of this franchise to just "get it", you know?  To have that James Cameron-esque epiphany and really give us something new!  But, it's going to suck.  It's going to kill everything I love about Terminator 2 and piss me the hell off.  Arnold won't... I mean, he can't, but everything else will.  Jai Courtney has the tendency to ruin franchises that I love (see Die Hard 5) and while I like Jason Clark, from what I can tell, his John Connor is a freaking robot bad guy.  I mean, what the terminating fuck??? I'm going to see it.  And I hope I'm wrong.  But, it's probably going to really really suck.


7/17

Ant-Man













I have to throw this one up here on principle.  Edgar Wright, the brilliant writer/director behind Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World's End, and Scott Pilgrim wrote the script for Ant-Man and is the reason it has come to fruition.  It's his favorite comic book and his passion project.  He was excited about doing the film more than anything.  He cast the film, got everything ready and was axed by the studio over creative differences.  His script was essentially tossed and a new director was brought in. Now, we don't know how great it could've been.  And I assume it was going to be a masterpiece.  Joss Whedon, director of the freaking Avengers is on record as saying it was the best script he'd ever read.  Now, we've got this garbage heap of cheap CGI and phony acting.  Ant-Man as a concept is pretty stupid, but without a genius behind the camera... I don't think there's any saving it.  Even if I do love me some Paul Rudd.


7/24

Pixels













Sandler... you've fooled me too many times.  I just can't get behind anything you do anymore.  You seem to have no more regard for your audience.  While I still respect the comedian and actor you once were... I just can't do it anymore.  I love the fact that you still come out with original movies... I hate the fact that they're shit.  So, maybe I'm wrong about this one.  But, chances are... I'm not.  Damn you, Sandler... damn you.


Paper Towns













I legitimately know NOTHING about this movie.  I know that at the top of the poster it says from the author of The Fault in our Stars and that's proof enough that it's going to be a festering heap of emotionally manipulative trash.  Do you deny it???


8/7

Fantastic Four













This will never be a good idea.  Ever.  Rebooting it.  Sequel-izing it.  Re-casting it.  It's never going to be good.  It's too silly to be Avengers and too stupid to be X-Men.  There's a reason the other two bombed.  It's like Spider-man... just let it die already.


8/21

Hitman: Agent 47













Because of course!  That's what the end of summer needs!  A sequel to a movie no one saw with an an actor no one knows about a video game no one cares about!  I'm glad a ton of people took months out of their lives to make a movie that six people on the planet are actually excited to see and four of which will actually see it.  God, Hollywood, you can really suck the balls sometimes, you know that?


UPCOMING WILDCARDS:


5/29

Aloha













I'm a big Cameron Crowe guy.  Jerry Maguire and Say Anything are near perfect films.  Elizabethtown is a very well-written movie that was poorly acted and therefore terrible.  Crowe knows how to write endearing romantic comedies, but he hasn't had a hit in a quite some time.  While this doesn't necessarily look like Crowe back into full form... it could be a nice step in the right direction.  Or pure garbage.  It's hard to judge just yet.


6/26

Ted 2













You never know with Seth McFarlane.  He can show up and do something hilarious like with the first Ted or he can let you down constantly every second of every day like with Family Guy.  Judging by the trailer, Ted 2 looks like it comes with the same amount of raunch as the the first, but will it be as funny?  Who knows?  I'll definitely see it... but cautiously.


7/10

Minions 













Let's be honest.  The minions are the best parts of the Despicable Me movies.  They're adorable and hilarious and the extended trailer for the Minions movie made me laugh harder than any movie that came out in the last year.  I could watch a whole movie of just those stupid looking bananas chitting away in a language funnier than The Sims.  But, there's people in the movie.  And a story.  And it could very well screw everything up.  Or not.  That's why it's a wildcard.


8/7

Masterminds













On one hand, the cast (Kristin Wiig, Zack Galifinakis, Owen Wilson, and Jason Sudekis) is ripe for a brilliantly weird comedy.  On the other hand, it's directed by the dude who did Napoleon Dynamite which everyone knows is a shitty movie, but no one will seem to admit.  This one is either going to be genius, or one of the worst comedies in the history of film.  There will be no middle ground.


8/21

Sinister 2













The first one was a let down.  And sequels are usually worse that their predecessor's.  But, it might be trying to fix where the first one failed.  But, then again, I thought the exact same thing about The Purge 2 and I wound up driving a rusty spoon into my leg during that movie just so I'd feel something other than pure anger and disgust.  It's probably going to be bad.  But, there's that small chance it could be alright.  Either way, there's probably definitely going to be a Sinister 3-9.

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