As I was sitting there in my seat watching San Andreas there were a few things going on in my mind. The first was how much I realized that sitting next to an Asian dude holding a baby is the WORST moviegoing experience you can have. Next, it was if this actually happened, I think The Rock is the number one person I'd want to save me to basically ASSURE my survival. But, the third thing was me wondering why people even want to see disaster movies in the first place? The whole schtick of a disaster movie is to show all of the different horrific ways nature can fuck with humanity, kill SO MANY PEOPLE and destroy everything in sight. It probably has something to do with the fact that there is the fear, even the tiniest bit, in everyone's minds about the end of the world and how Mother Nature is going to decide to end us. But, when that time comes, chances are, we'll all be dead and won't get to see what happens. I'm fascinated by tsunami's... yet, I'm never going to get a good view of one (at least I hope not) and live to tell the tale. And it's almost sick looking up tsunami videos on youtube because it's essentially a nature-snuff video. So, what I have is the movies. I get to be able to see the mighty power of a tsunami, killing fictional people, and I'm safe in my seat enjoying my large Diet Coke (used to be Dr. Pepper, but that silly fear of diabetes creeps up on you) and popcorn.
As far as disaster movies go, they used to be localized entirely on one single disaster. Movies like Airport, The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake, The Towering Inferno, Twister, Armageddon, Deep Impact, Volcano, Dante's Peak, etc. picked one disaster and stuck with it. Nowadays, our ADD riddled culture gives no shits about a single disaster-- that's pussy shit. Today, we need EVERY disaster. I want to see tornadoes on fire swirling over tsunamis in the midst of a hurricane created by an asteroid or Mayans or something. That's when we got movies like 2012, The Day After Tomorrowm and now... San Andreas. I do have a soft spot in my heart for disaster movies, but I have to say... San Andreas is probably one of the best. Yes, you heard me right. It's a freaking blast.
It's ironic that my last review of Tomorrowland I chastised it for being too idealistic without a payoff and not very much fun. That film was written by Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof. Ironically, one week later, San Andreas is released and it's TONS of fun. It just so happens to be written by Lindelof's old writing partner and other co-creator of Lost, Carlton Cuse. I enjoyed San Andreas far more than Tomorrowland because San Andreas knew exactly what it wanted to be-- an epic disaster movie. Tomorrowland wanted to be like eight different things.
Reasons why San Andreas is a superior disaster film is first, and foremost, because of it's lead: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Dude makes a movie. Dude owns a movie. Dude can not exactly act in the movie. But it doesn't matter because Dude doesn't need to act in the movie. He's able to do badass things that are believable because he's a human cartoon character and he's just fun to watch. (Which, by the way, there is a moment in the film where he's trying to apologize to his ex wife for something in the past and attempts to cry-- anyone responsible for writing The Rock movies from here on out, please avoid this). Second, is that the disaster scenes are on point. CGI is finally catching up to expectations and what real-life shit actually looks like. I was genuinely impressed. And third, because it isn't filled with dumb characters who do dumb things. All of the terrifying situations the characters get into aren't out of their own stupidity. No one is punished for doing something that the audience rolls their eyes at. In fact, some of the solutions to problems in the film are quite smart. And, finally... you got Giamatti in the film. Come on. You knew it was going to be good.
While I will say that it wasn't as smart as Mad Max, both films knew exactly what they wanted to be. And while San Andreas is getting flak for completely disregarding character development, I don't think it's a just complaint. While there is some cringe-worthy dialogue and some definite "I've seen this before" moments, there was never a point where I didn't care about the characters. I liked the characters and truly wanted to see them survive. When you can watch the epitome of a B-movie and still give a crap about the characters, I'd call that a success. I thought 2012 was a decent film, especially disaster wise... if they all died, it wouldn't have changed my opinion of the film in the slightest... might've even made it better. At least this movie was given some backstory and character history and decent acting.
I was unfortunately unable to see it in IMAX, but I'd highly recommend doing so if you get the chance. Obviously, no need to see it in 3D, but IMAX is worth the extra bucks. It's a fun movie that holds literally nothing back. They kill EVERYONE. I'm not talking about characters you're invested in. I'm talking about innocent bystanders... there are no fucks given about the complete onscreen desecration of billions of people. It's pretty great. And save for the last 12 seconds of the film, it's nearly perfect (trust me... it was not a solid way to end the movie #mericuh). Anyone going to see San Andreas knows what they like and what they expect to see and what they want to see. I will say this... if you're even slightly interested in the movie-- you'll love it.
Long live The Rock.
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