Aloha is a mess. A huge mess of a film. There is absolutely no way to salvage this film in any way and I don't know of anyone who is going to enjoy the movie. Even if you're into the cheesiest of romantic movies, there's really nothing to latch on to here. There was a movie a few years ago written and directed by the genius James L. Brooks called How Do You Know? James L. Brooks is the co-creator of The Simpsons, he's been nominated for and won Academy Awards for his writing and directing of Terms of Endearment and As Good As It Gets. He even wrote and directed the quiet, but still pretty decent, Spanglish. So, naturally I would assume that his latest film How Do You Know would be great-- especially due to the cast (Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Jack Nicholson). But, when I saw the movie it felt like pieces of a puzzle that didn't fit together but were smashed haphazardly anywhere Brooks wanted whether they fit or not (usually not). It was also this really really sad realization that James L. Brooks had pretty much lost everything that made him great. It's a movie that would fail a film class in college, much less a Hollywood produced movie that NO ONE saw. This isn't exactly what has happened with Aloha, but based on its writer/director's previous work compared to this... I'm worried.
I was aware that Aloha was probably not going to be that great of a movie first when I saw that it wasn't being screen in advance for critics. That's never a good sign. Then, other than a few in theaters trailers, I never saw the film advertised on television. It seemed like the production company wasn't getting behind their film. But, it's my love of Cameron Crowe films that kept me deciding to go see it. He's responsible for writing some of the best romantic comedies in film history: Say Anything, Singles, Jerry Maguire and Almost Famous. Not to mention Vanilla Sky, We Bought A Zoo, and the brilliantly written, but terribly acted Elizabethtown. So, my respect for Crowe and his films is clearly not unwarranted. But after having seen Aloha, I have to wonder if this was just a major misstep for Crowe, or if he's pulled a James L. Brooks and completely lost all writing/filmmaking intuition that once made him great. I hope it isn't the latter.
There's so much wrong with Aloha starting with it's characters. Bradley Cooper plays Brian, a military service member who... I think... USED to be a part of the Air Force... but now works for a billionaire contractor played by the unbelievably wasted Bill Murray. He's returning to Hawaii in order to... launch a satellite into the sky... I think... but is ordered to be watched by Sargent Ng played by Emma Stone, easily the most likable person in the movie. However, while on the island he runs into his ex-girlfriend played by Rachel McAdams who he hasn't seen in thirteen years and who is now married with two kids to John Krasinski... a guy who doesn't talk. Brian and Ng have to go to a part of the island to convince the natives to come to the rocket ceremony to bless the rocket? I think. And along the way Brian and Ng fall in love. Then out of love. Then back in love. Then there's a sub-plot involving Brian and the ex and a child he may or may not have fathered and how she's having a problem in her marriage because she's married to John Krasinski who doesn't talk. Have I convinced you of this horrific mess, yet?
First of all, Cooper's character, Brian, has literally zero consistency. He starts off like a softie, a warm-hearted dreamer who is happy to be back to Hawaii. Then, he kinda turns a little bit into his character from Silver Linings Playbook where he's got weird things about him and becomes kind of a jerk and wants to work alone. Then, he begins to love Emma Stone... for no real reason whatsoever... and becomes a lovestruck idiot. I couldn't follow it at all. Emma Stone, beyond being sunny and quirky, has almost no character as well. She's the "lovable weirdo" who also happens to be attractive. When Brian falls for her, I guess it's reasonable because she's kind of likable. But, when she falls back for Brian... I had no clue as to why. He showed nothing that allowed her to be even remotely interested in who he is as a human. Then, our B-story, which could've been written entirely out of the movie, involves Brian hanging out with his ex. He doesn't seem to be interested in getting back with her, but also likes being around her and her husband doesn't like it at all. Did I mention he's John Krasinski? Krasinski is upset that she's "changed" now that Brian has come back into her life... yet we have no idea what she was like before he came back because we don't know her at all. So, we see no change... she essentially appears normal to the moviegoer. She's ready to abandon her marriage due to no communication between her and her husband played by John Krasinski. He's given a "character quirk" of not speaking and saying a lot more with his eyes than anything. It's used as a joke more than once. But, then out of nowhere, it's stopped being used as a joke, but more used as the MAIN PROBLEM OF THEIR MARRIAGE. You can't turn an individual character quirk used to distinguish one character from another... as A CENTRAL PROBLEM OF THE MOVIE! That would be like if the Dude from The Big Lebowski got married and had kids and his wife wanted to leave him because he said "man" too much and always drank White Russians. You don't turn a quirk into a problem... it's terrible and very unbelievable.
The actors themselves are very underutilized. Cooper and Stone are serviceable. McAdams is wasted with a pointless storyline. Krasinski doesn't say anything. But the worst offense is Bill Murray and Danny McBride. They're minor characters with a couple of brief scenes that lend almost nothing to the story... and they're not funny. Not that they tried to be funny and failed... their characters aren't meant to be funny. Why cast brilliant comedic actors to stand there and do nothing?? Cameron Crowe, I love you dude, but you dropped several balls in the midst of making this movie. And it sucks too because it's not like we get a Cameron Crowe movie every couple of years... his last movie was five years ago and the one before that was six years prior to the last one. He's the Daniel Day-Lewis of directors, but, unfortunately, this wasn't a quality film. It was bad. It was really, really bad. Halfway through the movie, I leaned over to my beautiful signficant other and complained that I didn't care about a single person in the movie, to which she agreed and responded with-- I don't know what the hell is going on-- to which I realized that I didn't either. It was scene spliced with scene spliced with scene with no continuity or flow to them.
The movie is just full of colossal miscues. A lot of it comes from the fact that the writer is the director and he's unable to separate himself from his own script and see where the major problems lie. This movie is the first draft of a script at best. There is the slight glimmer of a good story beneath all the shit... but it would take a LOT of rewrites to get it even close. It's not a funny movie. It's not very romantic. It's hardly interesting. It's mostly confusing. And it's just a mess. Do yourself a favor and go see The Rock fight the weather in San Andreas and skip this movie.
D
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