How does a freakish fruit cocktail of Michael Bay, Mark Whalberg, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and bodybuilding end up tasting to sweet? Michael Bay hasn't made a good movie since Bad Boys II and he hasn't made a respectable movie since The Rock. Yet, don't count the loud bastard out just yet, he still has a few surprises up his sleeves. Pain & Gain is a good movie. Why? Because it's all true! All of it. Which is why Michael Bay was probably the perfect director for the film because it's a batshit crazy clusterfuck of a mess of a story... but it's true. It makes no logical sense why these guys do what they do and how they get themselves into the situations they get themselves into... but it's all true! They say truth is stranger than fiction, well, in this instance, they're entirely correct.
Pain & Gain is based off the articles written by Pete Collins, published in the Miami NewTimes. Altogether they're collectively about the length of a book, but if you have the time I highly suggest a read. I started reading them one morning and I was so hooked I spent the rest of the day finishing the articles to see what these juiced-up idiots would get themselves into next. What basically happens is this (mild spoilers, but if you read the article, you already know): Daniel Lugo (Mark Whalberg) wants the American dream... to be rich and powerful and respected. However, with a lack of common sense, he decides it would be easier to take the short route of taking the dream away from someone rather than achieve it himself. Enter Victor Kershaw (Tony Shaloub), a prickly little man who has a way of getting under your skin with his complete lack of respect for anybody, but also a hard worker who spent years and years and years making his American dream a reality. He's rich beyond belief. So, Lugo, along with pals Adrienne Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and Jesus-praising, coke-loving idiot Paul (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) they hatch a plan to kidnap Kershaw, torture him for weeks, take everything he has and has ever had and will ever have, and send him back on the street penniless and unaware of who took all his money. Sound a little too good to be true? Well, it is. These guys botch nearly every single part of their "plan". From failing to actually kidnap Kershaw correctly about six different times, to blowing their cover, to keeping Kershaw in captivity for over a month rather than a couple of days. Then, after realizing he would go to the cops, they botch killing him! They crash his car with him drunk in it, then blow him up, then run his body over--twice! And the man lives! These are not real people, these are not real situations, these are fictitious film characters and what's happening to them is so outrageous it's beyond unbelievable. Except everything is fucking true! That all really happened!
This is where I think audiences will have a hard time with the film. There are only going to be a select number of people that know this is a true story and all of the unbelievability and stupidity and poor choices and impossible moments (like three body builders dressing like surgeons in order to kill Kershaw in the hospital only to get lost for over an hour trying to find his room allowing the guy to escape) actually happened the way they're watching it. Most of the audience will either be meathead Fast and Furious fans with as many brain cells as the people they're watching expecting something different, or they'll be Michael Bay fans expecting they typical Michael Bay film. Either way I think the audience goes home disappointed. I, personally, didn't have a strong desire to see the film until I read the true story in the articles. Then, I couldn't wait to watch these idiots try to incoherently put a plan together.
While the film is being marketed as a "comedy" of sorts, it's not really a comedy. It's a dark, dark, dark comedy at best. These guys were torturers, thieves, and ultimately murderers and there's actually nothing funny about what happened in the story. But, you can't help but laugh at how this whole charade plays out. It's ridiculous. No one is that stupid! Except they were! You're not laughing with them, you're laughing at them. It's not funny watching two men dismember two dead bodies in order to get rid of them. But, it is darkly comical to watch them buy an electric chainsaw, not know how to properly use it, get it tangled in one of the victim's hair, break it, and try to return it to Home Depot with the hair still attached. Too stupid to be true? Guess again.
Whalberg and Mackie do a very good job of a playing the two main perps involved in the kidnapping and torture. You can tell that Lugo actually knows some of what he's doing, except trying to figure out how to do it is somehow lost in transit from his brain to his actions. Doorbal, who in real life was actually the most deranged of those involved, is toned down a little bit in the film due to the fact that no audience would be able to stomach watching the things this man does. But, it's The Rock who really steals the show as Paul (a mixture of a few different people involved in the real crime combined into one character). He's gentle, he's loving, he's kind... and yet "God gave [him] the ability to knock someone the fuck out!" It's refreshing to see The Rock with a little acting range. He's been in kids movies, yes. He's been in action movies, yes. But, he mostly phones in the acting, because well, let's face it, he knows he ain't winning no awards. Here, you can tell he actually knows what he's doing and is having a blast doing it.
Even Michael Bay does something a little different here. Yes, it's another movie in Miami. Yes, there are women in bikinis, strippers, fast cars, chases, shoot-outs, and dumbfuckery... but that's because it all really happened that way. Michael Bay found a gold mine with this story and all he really had to do was what he's been doing his entire career. The film is paced strangely with the narrator switching from character to character, but this multiple narrator gimmick actually services the story. The pacing serves the story. The complete lack of brain activity... serves the story. It's like watching a car wreck in slow motion between a full clown car and a bus of lawyers. Yes, it's disgusting and sad and violent and horrific... but at the same time... it's hard not to laugh at the ridiculousness going on right in front of your eyes. I highly recommend taking a few hours to read the articles, then taking a few more to catch it on the big screen.
B+
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