Godzilla:........meh.

It happens every summer.  I get excited about a few big-budget mindless movies and one of them always turns out to be a dud.  But, I was reeeeallllyyyy excited for Godzilla.  The cast is stellar and there's no way it could be as bad as the 1998 flop that was more of a giant lizard than a Godzilla anyway.  Bryan Cranston alone sold me on the film.  I'll pretty much see anything with him in it until the end of time, now.  However, it's Godzilla, man!  It's always self-aware and a hell of a good time.  Right?

So, it's difficult to entirely explain why I wasn't a fan of Godzilla because most of my concerns with the film encompass spoilers along with the explanations, so I will make sure this is spoiler free.  I'm not even going to bother you with an plot synopsis because going into it blindly is either going to give full chubs to die-hard Godzilla fans... or partially confuse those who aren't privy to the predecessor's mythology.  I'll give you this-- I've seen maybe two full Godzilla movies in my life that don't star Matthew Broderick.  Maybe.  I know I've seen bits and pieces of the original and I've seen the one with Mothra... but that's about it.  So, I'm not entirely aware of all that goes along with a successful Godzilla movie.  It's like any other film series (Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, James Bond), there's a ton of them out there, but you know which ones are the good ones and which ones got lazy and didn't follow the structure.  But, from my understanding, there's two types of Godzilla movies in existence: there's the destructive Godzilla that man has to fight due to the destructive nature of the beast; and there's the hero Godzilla who fights other giant monsters and is, more or less, a foe to the humans.  This film would deal with the latter.

What makes a monster movie, not just a Godzilla movie, so great is that it has to be self-aware, and it has to be fun.  One of the best monster movies, Tremors, is so successful in what it sets out to accomplish because it has a great cast, great characters, it instill fear that juxtaposes with the humor, and there's plenty of conflict, chaos, blood and guts.  That's what makes a great monster movie.  This Godzilla lacked a lot of what makes a great monster movie.  First, there were no characters that you even remotely sympathize with. (Well, there's one, but that character isn't around long.)  And yes, I understand that when you're watching a Godzilla film, character should be the last thing on your mind.  Okay, fair.  But, if they've made the decision to film the movie, essentially from the perspective of the humans below, give me someone to like.  Or someone that serves even a little purpose to the contribution of the film.  No?  Okay, moving on.

I guess, if you're not going to give me a character, at least let me watch the monster destroy the piss out of cities and oceans and everything.  Bring the monster into the picture in towering glory and expose ever crevice of it's being so that I can cheer along with it as it mauls down everything in its path.  Unfortunately, the film fails to do this as well.  For a movie called Godzilla, there wasn't much Godzilla to be seen.  In fact, we get a couple of glimpses after the first hour, but it's not until the last twenty minutes of the movie, do we ever actually get to see Gojira in action.  Why hide the monster?? Especially when you know that's all the audience wants to see.  I understand that they were going for a 70s Spielberg-Jaws type of feel to the movie, where little by little they expose the beast until the end when we finally get to see it in all its glory.  Unfortunately, Jaws wasn't an already established character in cinema and giving previews of the beast made the film that much more terrifying.  I guarantee you they couldn't get away with that in any sequels or potential reboots.  Jaws also had great characters and character development ripe with set ups and payoffs.  Godzilla missed the mark badly on that.

Lastly, Godzilla takes itself way too seriously.  No one so much as cracks a smile throughout the film.  It's humorless and not in a good way.  There's not that character that brings a little levity to the seriousness.  We're immersed in trauma and pain and never given a second to breathe.  With a little better character depth and writing this could've easily been solved, but without it, the film is tiring to watch.  Now, I will say that it wasn't an entire failure.  The first half hour is solid.  It's shrouded in mystery and conspiracy and you'll find yourself also trying to figure out just what the hell is going on.  Then, once everything "falls into place", nothing ever really settles down again and we're left with action, plot contrivances, and massive destruction.  Then, there's also when Godzilla is finally given free reign to kick serious ass.  This is the most fun of the movie.  Watching the beast do... exactly what he's supposed to do... is worth it alone.  With the theme of "man vs. nature, nature wins every time", the film is successful.  And the CGI is pretty top notch.  But, when I started thinking about how much I wasn't enjoying the film, while in the middle of the film that I was so excited to see that I went to the midnight viewing of... something was seriously wrong.

D+